


Coming Home

by ThisIsMyTherapy



Category: Sterek - Fandom, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Multi, Oral Sex, Slow Build Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Top Derek Hale/Bottom Stiles Stilinski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-16 17:56:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 69,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9283475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsMyTherapy/pseuds/ThisIsMyTherapy
Summary: Derek leaves Beacon Hills and Stiles behind to search for forgiveness and peace.  Four years later he returns with his sister Cora to rebuild their childhood home and create a new life for themselves.  We learn how Stiles was affected by Derek leaving, what Derek has been doing the past four years, and that while Derek had the opportunity to heal, Stiles wasn't so lucky.This is a story about forgiveness and letting go.  Of finding love even if you try to fight it.  This is a very slow build so please be patient.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> **This is a completed work, but I am only posting one to two chapters a night. I am new at this and am still learning formatting and such. I like to write it in google docs then edit before submitting. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

_Stiles_

_4 years ago….._

_May 2014_

_We should still be coming off the high of winning a battle we thought was already lost. We saved Scott, Derek was reborn, and Kate Argent was gone. The pack celebrated for the first few days, allowing ourselves to relax and take a deep breath for the first time in what seemed like forever. But I knew it wouldn’t last. It never lasts….._

_I’ve noticed the changes in Derek these past few days. His happiness at living through the ordeal was short-lived. The smile stopped coming so easily, he couldn’t look people in the eyes for more than a few seconds, and he became more and more scarce. The pack said he was just processing everything, but I knew it was more. That’s why I’m now standing in his loft watching him with his back to me. He is staring down at the table in front of the huge glass window that overlooks the streets. His shoulders are tense, hands gripping the table like a lifeline trying to control his breathing. I’m just watching him….waiting for him to say the two words that I didn’t know could rip me in two._

_“I’m leaving,” he finally told me. He didn’t turn around, his gaze never left the table in front of him, but I could see him close his eyes, shoulders tense waiting for my reply. What could I say? Beg him to stay? Tell him those two words make me feel like I am literally being split in two? I knew the moment we came back from Mexico he wasn’t staying. I watched him hug a little tighter and a little longer, say wise and thoughtful things that were so out of character you couldn’t mistake them for what they were—goodbyes._

_Derek and I had a rocky start to this new found friendship, but now that we were in a good place I valued him as much as Scott on some levels. Long nights of research, stakeouts, and patrolling the Preserve, texts messages for pack business or for no reason at all. I looked forward to seeing him, talking to him, and I missed him when we went more than a day without seeing each other. Scott’s and my relationship wasn’t bad, but it was different. Derek had become important to me in a way I never knew could happen. So as much as I want to be selfish, as much as I want to scream and cry and beg for him to stay, I see that he is carrying the weight of seven years of trauma on his shoulders and he is ready to break. He needs this and who I am to ask him to stay?_

_“I know,” I replied in a whisper. At my acknowledgement he let out a long deep breath and his shoulders sagged in relief. He needed me to understand. He needed me to be Ok. So I would give that to him. After a few minutes of silence, Derek turned around and started walking towards me slowly. Our eyes locked as he approached, he stopped in front of me, put his hand on the back of my neck, and pulled our heads together forehead to forehead. He closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath, taking in my scent. We stayed like that for less than a minute before he pulled back, gave me one last look and walked toward the door. I listened to him walk toward the door, bend down and pick up his duffle bag, open the door and pause. I turned toward him to see him looking over his shoulder at me just one last time. I’ve never seen him look so vulnerable. It took everything in me to keep still, steady my breathing, and just watch him walk out the door._

_He was gone._

 

I woke up in a panic, sitting straight up in bed, panting and drenched in sweat. What the fuck was that? I haven’t dreamt about that night in almost two years now. I put my hand over my heart, and started to count down from ten controlling my breathing. After a minute or two, I glanced over at the clock and saw that it was just after six in the morning. I laid back down throwing my blankets off of me to dry a bit. Scott and I were leaving in a couple of hours to head back to Beacon Hills for two weeks for our Spring Break. Maybe that’s what made me dream of him. I rubbed my hands over my face and decided I’d just get up and take a shower. I still needed to pack and knew there was no chance of me falling back to sleep. After a long shower I dressed and made my way to the kitchen to start the coffee and make some breakfast. Just before the pancakes and bacon were finished, Scott came into the kitchen with a loud yawn.

“You’re up early,” he said in way of greeting rubbing his hand over his chest eying the food like he was a starved wolf.

“Yeah, couldn’t sleep, guess I’m just anxious to see my dad,” I replied.

Scott eyed me knowing that was a half truth and decided to let it go. He started grabbing plates and took out the orange juice and milk. After we sat down and took a couple of bites Scott asked, “Your dad stoked to see you?”

“Of course! I’m his favorite son!” I said wiggling my eyebrows. Scott just chuckled and shook his head.

“It’s been awhile since you’ve been back,” he said trailing off like he might want to say more, but didn’t want to risk it.

I took a deep breath before saying, “Yeah yeah I know dude. I’ve just been trying to get my shit together and stay on top of everything. Making up for freshman year I guess.” Scott just shook his head in understanding knowing that I didn’t like to bring up that dark year. To be fair, senior year of high school wasn’t all that great, but once I left Beacon Hills I went a little wild trying to forget everything that had happened to us and the people we had lost along the way.

After a few minutes of eating in silence Scott spoke again, “It’ll be good to have most of the pack together. Isaac said he was coming in a few days, Kira and Lydia got there last night, and Liam should be arriving around the same time as us. “ Scott spoke with so much enthusiasm I couldn’t help but be a little excited to see some of the pack. Well, Lydia for sure. I gave him an encouraging head nod and attempted a genuine smile. If I tried to speak he would know I was lying and I just couldn’t bring myself to chip away at his great mood. I knew he was excited to see Kira. Though she finished her senior year in a private school while she figured her fox shit out, her and Scott stayed in touch and maintained a friendly relationship when they saw each other as long as neither of them was seeing anyone else. But I couldn’t help hearing the way he said “most” referring to Derek. Even though it’s been four years and he found his way to South America to be with Cora (or at least that’s what I heard when I was still letting Scott keep me up to date, but that’s been over two years as well), Scott still insists that Derek is pack and will always be.

After we finished Scott said he would clean up the kitchen so I could start packing. Scott has been packed and ready for three days now. As I picked up my room and tried to find clean clothes to pack I tried to not think of how long it’s been since I had seen my dad. I know it is selfish of me to stay away, but it helped keep my head clear and staying focused on school was all I could do. I spent my freshman year hitting every party I could, hooking up with random girls and a few guys, sleeping through most of my classes with a hangover, and almost lost my scholarship. That summer I spent in Beacon Hills my dad and I had a long talk and he asked me to see someone, talk it out. I promised him I would and was successful for about three weeks until she started prying into my “real” feelings about Derek. I shut down and walked out never to return. Not only did I push my dad away, but I started to distance myself from the pack as well. Scott was navigating his new alpha status and helping Liam, Isaac had left after Allison died, and I was trying to pretend I was Ok with losing Derek. But I was tired of losing people I cared about. My therapist said I had abandonment issues stemming from my mom. Thanks Doc. I let my hurt turn into anger, it was easier to deal that way, and I started blaming Derek for everything. One time I stubbed my toe and cursed him. Deep down I knew it was irrational. I knew that he HAD to go, but I was a selfish teenager that wanted just one constant in my life. I wanted that to be Derek.

“Ahhh!” I let out an aggravated sigh and rubbed my face with both my hands and swept them through my hair. I haven’t allowed myself to think about all this for years now. Why the hell was it surfacing now? As I started to just throw random clothes in my bag my door swung open.

“You Ok?” Scott asked as he barged in.

“I’m fine….just got a little frustrated,” I replied not meeting his eyes. Scott paused for a bit. I could feel him watching me debating whether to say anything. He took a deep breath and just said, “Yeah…Ok man….uh…I’m ready when you are. I’m just going to play some video games until you’re ready. “ I nodded acknowledging what he said and told him I’d be ready in twenty. He hesitated at the door before closing it and going to the living room. I hurried and packed my bag taking my laptop and pillow with me. We had about a five hour drive from Berkeley to Beacon Hills and if I thought too hard about it I might change my mind about going. Scott must have heard me open my door because he was already turning off the game and standing to get his bag when I made it down the short hall. I just smiled and shook my head. He was ready to go home. I wish I could say the same.


	2. Chapter Two

Stiles

 

The drive back to Beacon Hills went pretty smoothly. We left just after rush hour traffic and made it back into town just before the commuters heading home for the night were out on the road. Scott and I didn’t talk much, just blasted music and sang along. It helped me to try to keep my head clear of any thoughts that may try to invade. It was in the silence that my brain took over thinking about things I didn’t want to. So the loud music and constant out of tune singing was just what I needed to distract myself.  
When I got to my house my dad’s cruiser wasn’t in the driveway. He told me he would be home for dinner and would order pizza. I didn’t even argue about it. I made my way up to my old room and just stood in the doorway. It feels like I haven’t seen it in a lifetime. I barely recognized anything in it anymore and tried to disconnect from the memories that tried to surface as I looked over at the desk, to the chair by the wall, and to my damn window.

  
I shook my head trying to clear it and threw my bag on the floor. I turned my back to my bed and did a trust fall with my arms out wide hoping the bed wouldn’t betray me. I bounced up a little as I landed and just stared at the ceiling. This is why I stopped coming back. It was too easy to be wrapped up in memories that showed me what I have lost. What I still longed for after all these years—who I wish I could be again. Just as unfair as it was to keep my visits to holidays and birthdays I felt it was unfair to my dad and to the pack to make them watch me turn into a version of myself I couldn’t even recognize sometimes. Through my senior year of high school I kept up appearances. Malia and I dated for a couple of months after Derek left, but it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t the same. She ended up leaving too. I continued to use humor and sarcasm as a shield, but it quickly became a weapon. The pack let me be. They thought it would phase out, but it never really did. At least now I try to keep it in check. I hated the look in my father’s eyes during that time. Especially when I told him about potentially losing the scholarship during the shit show of my freshman year. Scott and I were in the dorms, but weren’t roommates that year. We opted to get an apartment sophomore year. My dad thought it would help having him keep an eye on me. It did to an extent.  
After spending that first summer in Beacon Hills I made every excuse not to come back. I overloaded on credits to make up for freshman year and just made myself be consumed by school work. I’ve only been with one person since I started my sophomore year, but he had dark hair, light eyes, and then grew a beard so I dumped him and never looked back.

  
I know it hurts my dad that I’m never here. He says he understands and I know he does on a deeper level. The pack, mostly Scott, and my dad have stayed in contact with Derek since he left. They would tell me where he was, what he was up to. He travelled for a bit then decided to join Cora in South America. He started working closely with the emissary of that pack and began peeling back the layers of seven years of loss, guilt, hurt, pain, and began to heal. And I was happy to hear it, genuinely happy for him. Until my shit show of a life continued to unravel and I resented him for being able to leave and heal—without me. So I started to get angry, resentful, and asked my dad and Scott to stop telling me about Derek. I didn’t want to know.

  
Derek had attempted to reach out to me. He texted after he first left and I was happy to let him know that I was Ok, things were great! Not to worry about little ole Stiles. But I couldn’t stomach to do it anymore. And I just stopped replying. Eventually, he stopped trying.  Before long my head started to hurt with my mind running down memory lane so I closed my eyes and took a nap to try and quiet it.

I woke up in exactly the same position I feel asleep in. The sun was starting to set and I could hear the cruiser coming into the driveway. I got up and headed to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face to try to help me wake up. I started down the stairs just as my dad was walking through the door with a pizza.

“Well hello stranger!” My dad called out to me as he shut the door. He put the pizza down on the table by the door and wrapped me up in a firm hug. I missed this.

“Hey dad,” I answered back squeezing just as hard. We let the hug linger longer than I can remember ever hugging my dad and finally pulled apart.

“It’s good to have you home, son,” my dad said with one hand on my shoulder and looking me in the face. He was inspecting me. Trying to see how I was, gage my mood. I smiled and told him it was good to be back.

My dad tossed the pizza on the kitchen table while I grabbed plates. This is the first time since Christmas we have sat down for a meal together. It feels a little awkward and I hate it. We never used to have to pull for topics to talk about. But now I can see the way my dad’s face contorts and works through what he wants to ask.

“So, how are your classes?” he finally settles on.

“They’re going really well Dad. Once I finish this year I’ll be completely done with my criminal justice minor. So my senior year will be all computer science. I’m just trying to decide if I want to pile up classes so I can graduate a semester early,” I replied.

“Wow. That’s great kiddo, but don’t you want to walk with Scott and your friends?”

“Oh yeah, totally. I can defer to walk in spring with them, but I would technically be done by Christmas. I haven’t decided what I want to do yet. Just keeping my options open.”

“Good for you, son. I’m proud of you. You’ve really outdone yourself and turned it all around.”

“Thanks dad. That means a lot,” I told him not really meeting his eyes. There was a long pause. The question he really wants to ask is always floating around us. What are you going to do after college? Which translates to, are you ever coming home—to stay. And I just can’t answer him because Beacon Hills hasn’t felt like home for years. Nowhere has.  
Before the silence could stretch too long and before my dad could work up the nerve to ask the question he is dying to ask I asked him about work.

“Any crazy stories about things going bump in the night?”

“Ha…no. Not really. Things have been surprisingly calm since you guys left for college. The neighboring Alpha has kept her word. She looks out for Beacon Hills when Scott is not here. Our pack and their pack actually get along quite well.”

“Good,” is all I could muster up to say.

I forgot about the treaty with the pack in the county over. Scott worked out a plan with their Alpha to keep an eye out for Beacon Hills while he was away. He managed to come back twice a month. But things have really settled down.

My dad and I made small talk the rest of dinner, cleaned the kitchen together, and caught a movie on cable. My dad dozed out halfway through the movie and I woke him up to go change out of his uniform and go to bed. When we walked to the top of the stairs my dad brought me in for another hug. “I really missed you kid,” he said before pulling back; the hall light catching his watery eyes.

“Me too dad, me too.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Derek's POV, this Chapter follows Derek directly after leaving Stiles in his loft to the first 6 months of him being away from Beacon Hills.

Derek

**May 2014**

As I slide the door shut I could still hear his breathing.  It was steady, but every other breath there would be a slight tick that let me know he was doing everything he could to control it.  I could smell every emotion pouring out of him, but when he said “I know” I felt it.  I smelt it.  He meant it.  He understood.  I don’t know why I needed that from him.  His understanding that if I didn’t go now I would crumble, but I did.  More than anyone else in the pack, I needed Stiles to get it. 

I pushed the elevator button to open its door to begin my descent down, all the while listening to Stiles’ breathing.  It was still steady, but the tick was getting harder to control.  I stepped inside, pressed the button to go down, and watched the doors close for the last time.  As the elevator started to move its way down I heard Stiles drop to the floor with a loud sob and fight to bring in his breaths.  My hand automatically shot out to stop the elevator, but just before my fingers touched the button I froze.  I can’t go back.  As much as I want to I can’t.  I am no good to anyone, especially Stiles, if I am one incident away from breaking.  I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and slowly brought my hand to my side, digging my claws into my palms to ground me.

I made my way out of the building to see Braeden leaning against my Camaro with her bag next to her feet.  She smiled as I approached and pushed her way off my car.  I attempted a smile and nodded.

“You good?” She asked.

“Yeah…all set,” I replied not meeting her eyes.

We climbed into the car and just before putting it into drive I took one last look in the rearview mirror.  The light was still on in the loft, but I couldn’t hear Stiles anymore.  I texted Scott just before leaving the building to check on him in a little bit; just to make sure he was Ok.  As I pulled out of the parking lot my hand was resting on the center console and Braeden placed her hand on top of mine.  I jerked up a bit before catching myself and saw her eying me from the corner of my eye.  After what felt like forever, she squeezed my hand and moved it back into her lap. 

Braeden and I didn’t talk on our way down to San Diego and eventually she fell asleep.  I played the radio low and was consumed by thoughts of what I was leaving behind.  A year ago I wouldn’t have cared.  I wouldn’t have even said any goodbyes.  But I’ve grown to care about the makeshift pack that we’ve made and somehow, Stiles has weaseled his way into the top spot.  Even though we hated each other and he accused me of killing my sister, making me the most wanted fugitive in Beacon Hills, he couldn’t ever stop talking, and he used sarcasm as his second language, he was becoming my favorite person and that scared the shit out of me.  This is the first time I have allowed myself to care about anyone outside of family and the last time that happened it ended with my family being killed.  The guilt from that alone was enough to make me realize that I didn’t deserve to feel happy in any type of relationship. 

But being reborn, if that’s what you want to call it, transformed is maybe more appropriate, it has given me a second chance of sorts, and I can’t help but feel I need to learn how to let go of all the pain and guilt and try to live a better life for myself, for my sister, for my pack…..for Stiles.  And I know that could never happen in Beacon Hills, where in every corner I was faced with a bad decision, the loss of my family, the loss of Laura, Peter, Ericka, and Boyd.  My arrogance and ignorance at how to be an Alpha, a role I was never meant to play.

I pulled up to Santa Monica Pier just before the sun was rising, parked and got out of the car.  We still had another hour to go before making it to San Diego, but I needed to stretch my legs and pull in the salty fresh scent of the ocean.  I walked all the way to the end of the pier, leaned against the railing overlooking the ocean, and waited for the sun to rise taking in long breaths of the ocean air.  It was calming listening to the roll of the waves.

Just as the sun was completely breaking away from the sea I could hear Braeden walking toward me.  When she made it to the railing she leaned into me wrapping her arm around my waist.  I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her into me.  We didn’t speak, just watched the sun continue to rise up into the morning sky to begin a new day. 

We stood there for just under an hour before heading back to the car.  Braeden offered to drive the rest of the way to the motel we would be staying at for the day in San Diego and I agreed.  I felt tired, but slightly energized from watching the sunrise.  But I couldn’t help feeling like something was missing.

The motel wasn’t anything spectacular; just a small unit on the side of the highway with easy access to continue on your journey.  I opted for a shower when we walked into the room and when I came out Braeden was waiting for me by the bed already half naked.  I walked to her, snaked my arm around her waist and lowered her to the bed.  It wasn’t the first time we’ve been together, but it was the first time it’s ever felt empty.

Braeden slept while I laid on my back staring up at the ceiling.  My mind wandered to how Stiles collapsed to the floor after I’m sure he thought I couldn’t hear him anymore.  But why? I knew he was hurting, I could smell it, but he understood and he didn’t ask me to stay.  And it’s that thought that has me confused as all hell.  I had decided to leave and knew that I needed it, but if Stiles would have asked me to stay I may have considered it.  I wanted him to ask me to stay and I just couldn’t wrap my head around that and I was too messed up to even begin to dive deeper into the inner workings of my already fucked up mind. 

I couldn’t sleep and I was getting antsy so I decided to go for a walk.  When I left the room the sun was high in the sky, but the weather was perfect with a cool breeze coming off the ocean.  I walked toward the back of the motel where there was a path down to the beach if you were willing to walk a couple of miles.  I followed it absentmindedly thinking about what the hell I wanted to do. 

I left with Braeden to hunt the Desert Wolf.  It was a legitimate excuse to leave Beacon Hills, but I don’t know if that’s what I should be doing.  I haven’t seen Cora in over a year and she has invited me to South America a number of times.  She’s joined a pack out there and the more I talk to her the more I hear the Cora she was before the fire.  It makes me both envious and happy that she has been able to heal.  But I don’t know if I’m ready to see her just yet.  I feel like I need some time to myself to really figure my shit out.  Figure out exactly what I need to be doing.

I finally made it to the opening to the beach access and took my shoes off just before hitting the sand.  With every step I felt the tiny grains moving their way between my toes and sticking to the bottom of my feet.  I sank down to sit at the edge where the water could reach my toes just barely before rushing back to the sea.  I needed to make some more decisions and it was frightening.  My choices thus far have not ended well and it was hard to trust my instincts which is probably the worst thing for a wolf.  We rely on our instincts to guide us and when we can’t trust them, can’t trust ourselves, people get hurt and bad decisions are made.

I finally made it back to the motel as the sun was sinking down below the horizon.  Braeden was sitting at the little table marking areas on the map.

“Hey,” she said in greeting when I walked in coming to wrap me in a hug.

“Hey,” I offered back squeezing her.

“Where’d you go?” she asked.

“Couldn’t sleep so I went for a walk. Made it to the beach behind the motel.  You hungry?”

“I could eat,” she answered giving me a smile.

I smiled back, but it didn’t quite meet my eyes, “Ok, let me clean up and we can head to the diner down the road”

“Sounds good”

We made it to the diner just after seven and talked about where we were headed next.  We would leave just after midnight to head into Arizona where we would be meeting up with two of Braeden’s friends who have information on the Desert Wolf.  We would be joining them in the search.  I didn’t mind, but didn’t know if it was because I didn’t plan to be a part of the search for long or because having other people around would help me distance myself from Braeden.

When we made it back to the room Braeden made her advance and I went with it wondering if earlier was just a side effect from all the drama from the night before or if it lost its luster.  I tried to feel what I had felt before, focusing on her face, staring into her big brown eyes, but no matter what I did it still felt empty.  Her brown eyes weren’t the right shade of amber.

We made it through Arizona and stopped just outside of the New Mexico border, settled into our motel and waited for the call to meet with Braden’s friends.  She didn’t make any more advances, just said she was taking a shower and going to try to get some sleep before meeting up with her friends.  I was relieved, but felt bad.  Braeden had been good to me and I genuinely liked her, but I couldn’t be with her in the way we were before.  I laid down and tried to get some sleep of my own.

The call came in a couple of hours after we arrived.  We would meet up at the diner attached to the motel around six to go over what they knew, what we knew, and what the next steps would be.

We sat in the booth towards the back with no one in any of the tables or booths around us.  Braeden’s friends were already there.  One guy, Toby, was just as tall as I was with blonde hair, green eyes, and a scar running down the left side of his face.  He looked rough, but when he smiled it lit up his face and he seemed much friendlier.  He was with a petite blonde woman, Sawyer, with big chocolate brown eyes.  She reminded me of the silent assassin.  No one would suspect her, but I could see it in her eyes, she was deadly. 

After introductions and firm handshakes we began to exchange information.  There have been some sightings in New Mexico, but some leads have been bogus.  But there have been some rumblings lately that hold more weight and that’s where they wanted to start next.  Sawyer produced a picture of a woman in profile; long brown hair and the same shade of skin as mine.  If I just glanced I could swear it was my mom.  At the thought my stomach bottomed out and I shoved the picture away. 

I could feel Braeden watching me throughout dinner, but never met her gaze.  When we were done, Toby and Sawyer told us they would want to leave in the next few hours and would meet us by the Camaro.  Braeden watched them leave as I just stared at my plate.

“Derek,” Braeden said after minutes of silence.

I looked up at her with my eyebrows raised in question.

She smiled and grabbed my hand pinning me with her eyes.  “Thank you for getting me this far, but I think we both know this is where we say goodbye.”

My eyes went wide and I opened my mouth to protest before she started again. “Hey, it’s fine.  I knew you wouldn’t stay for long.  This fight isn’t yours.  Your journey is taking you somewhere else.  And you should follow it.”

I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath.  When I opened them, Braeden was still smiling at me.  “I’m sorry,” I told her.  “I thought I could go for a little longer.  I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”

She chuckled a little and shook her head, “No one knows what they’re doing Derek.  But this is your chance to figure it out.  Don’t be sorry.  You helped me and I appreciate you, but we always knew this was going to end in a goodbye.”

I reached over pulling her to me landing a soft kiss to her lips.  “Thank you,” I told her when I pulled back.  She just smiled at me.  I let her out of the booth and watched her walk out of the diner.  I sank down into the booth and sat there for I don’t even know how long.  When I made it back to the room, Braeden was gone.

I paid to stay at the motel for a couple of days after Braeden left.  I didn’t know where to go or what the hell I was doing.  I emailed Scott to let him know Braeden and I parted ways and gave him her information so they could communicate about what she discovered about the Desert Wolf.  After I sent the email I held my phone in my hand turning it over and over debating whether to reach out to Stiles.  It’s been four days since I left and I was constantly finding myself wondering how he was.  I opted to leave it alone for now.  I’d reach out in a couple of days.

I decided to just drive towards Florida.  Driving straight through New Mexico and staying in Texas for a couple of days.  I reached out to the Alpha of the pack in New Orleans who knew my mom and asked if I could stay there for awhile trying to figure out what I wanted to do next.  The history and energy that surrounds New Orleans was something I felt I needed. 

It took me another two days to get there only stopping to get gas, eat, and take short naps in rest areas.  Right before entering New Orleans I decided to reach out to Stiles.  It’s been just over a week since I left and I’ve started so many texts just to delete them.

Derek: Hey

I sent.  Totally lame, but everything I had come up with was either more lame or too heavy.  After three long minutes, yes I counted, he replied.

Stiles: Hi

Was all he sent.  I don’t know what I was expecting, but at least I got a response.  I took a deep breath and typed back.

Derek: How are you?

Again lame.  It’s never been this awkward communicating with him, even when we hated each other.  Another long three minutes passed.

Stiles: Good.  Things are good.

Good.  I don’t know why that response makes me feel like it does, but I get the feeling things aren’t good, but no matter what he won’t tell me anything else. 

Derek: Ok.  Good. 

That’s what I sent, but what I wanted to say was “I miss you” and ask “do you miss me?” which has me unnerved so I leave it at that.  Stiles doesn’t respond and I’m both disappointed and relieved. 

I throw my phone on the passenger seat and make my way into New Orleans.  Malcolm owns a compound in the middle to the French Quarter where his pack and he stay.  His daughter just left to travel Europe before starting at LSU in the Fall so he said I could have her room while she’s gone.  I park my Camaro on the street, grab my bag, and head for the door.  Malcolm is already opening the gate when I get to it. 

“Derek, you’re a grown man!” He laughed as he brought me in for a hug slapping me on the back.  The last time I saw him was about a year before the fire.  He stood at least three inches taller than me, broad shoulders, and muscles that made me look like I was still hitting puberty; his skin a dark shade of mocha and golden eyes. 

I laughed, “Yeah, it’s been awhile Malcolm.  I really appreciate you letting me stay here.”

Malcolm waved a hand around dismissing what I said, “You’re family Derek.  You and Cora are welcome here anytime.”

I gave him a smile and nod of thanks and followed him into the courtyard.  Malcolm and my mom had grown up together when their parents met every couple of months to discuss werewolf business.  They ended up at the same college together, and would tell people they were cousins.  We grew up with Malcolm’s daughter who is Cora’s age.  After the fire, Malcolm came down for awhile to help us get settled.  He offered for us to come stay with him, but Laura refused.  Said we needed to try to pick up the pieces.

Malcolm showed me to Nora’s room and told me to find him when I was settled.  I made my way through the courtyard and to the back of compound to find him in his office.  I knocked lightly which was totally unnecessary because he heard me coming down the stairs, but I was being polite.

Malcolm just started laughing at the knock, “Seriously Derek, sit down.”

I blushed a little taking a seat across from him.  Malcolm just stared at me, taking me in, deciding what he wanted to ask.  He’s never been one for niceties.  Straight to the point was something I admired about him, but he seemed to sense I wasn’t ready for that and proceeded with caution.

“How have you been Derek?” He asked.

I let out a deep breath before answering “That’s such a loaded question”

Malcolm laughed and nodded in agreement.  “Start where you want, you are welcome to stay as long as you need to, we have time.”

I nodded not meeting his eyes, just staring at a spot on his desk in front of me.  Where do I want to start? There was so much shit to unravel.

“I just needed to get away for awhile.  Things have been stressed, Cora’s in South America, and I just needed to give myself a chance to catch my breath.”

Malcolm nodded in understanding deciding not to push.  He would give me the space I needed and would be patient.  We talked about Nora, Malcolm’s pack, and New Orleans. I started to relax and feel some weight lift.  I wasn’t delving into anything or letting go, but to be near Malcolm, someone I consider family was comforting.

That night I fell asleep a little easier than I had the past week.

The next two months went by pretty quickly.  I met Malcolm’s pack and began training with them.  Sebastian, a cousin to Malcolm that I vaguely remember, also had the ability to shift into a wolf.  He worked with me trying to learn how to make it happen at will, but it was hard.  My concentration would waver and I still didn’t trust my instincts.  One night, Malcolm and I were out in the courtyard enjoying the unusually cool August night when he finally pressed me for the first time since I’ve been staying with him.

“I know what you’ve been through these past few years Derek; it’s been a rough road for you since the fire.”

I took several steadying breaths.  I had been waiting for this conversation and was surprised it had taken this long for Malcolm to bring it up.

“Yeah, you could say that,” I replied not meeting his eyes.

“I’m not going to pretend to understand the depth of your loss.  I hurt when we lost Talia, but to lose your family in the manner you did, then to lose Laura to Peter’s insanity ultimately losing him too, I’m surprised you are still standing.”

I glared up at him.  That sounded like a compliment and it made me angry.

“What choice did I have?” I replied firmly.

“Our lives are made up of the choices we make, Derek.  We always have a choice.  After the fire you chose to stay.  Then you chose to leave with Laura to New York.  You chose to follow her to Beacon Hills and once you found her dead you chose to stay to find who had killed her.  And once you found out you chose to fight, to try to build a pack, to try to help.  Those were all your choices.  You could have choose differently, but you didn’t.  You could have walked away after Laura.  You could have left with Cora, but you didn’t.  You had a choice.”

“And what good did those choices do?” I yelled throwing my hands out wide in a plea.  Malcolm’s eyes flashed red for a brief moment in warning.  I was a guest, but he was the Alpha.  Quieting my voice I said again.

“I made so many wrong choices.”

“Maybe.  Maybe not.  But you made them.  They are done.  There is no going back now and thinking about “what ifs” will only lead you down a road you shouldn’t ever travel.”

“I don’t know how to stop Malcolm.  My choices have killed people.  How do I reconcile that?”

“Derek,” Malcolm said in calm, comforting voice that reminded me of my father.  I looked up at him as be started again, “Your choices did not kill anyone.” As I opened my mouth to protest he put up a firm hand “Let me speak” he said firmer than before.  I nodded and looked back down to the floor.  I wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say, but he was going to say it anyway.

“I hope you can really listen to me when I tell you that you are not responsible for the deaths you carry around with you.  Kate killed your family.  She would have found a way whether she used you or not.  You were just a boy.  That burden does not fall on you.”

I felt a tear run down my cheek as he continued.

“Peter killed Laura and there wasn’t anything you could do about that.  He was already a little off before the fire; killing Laura was a choice he made that had nothing to do with you.”

He paused just long enough for me to whisper,

“And my pack? What about Boyd? Ericka? How does that not fall on me?”

Malcolm took in a deep breath and let it out before he said,  “You offered an opportunity to them and they took it.  That was the choice they made.  What was Ericka’s life before you turned her? Where would she be now if you hadn’t? Her seizures were getting worse; she could have been a shell of herself by now.  What you gave her in her last month or so of her life was something she never had before.  No seizures, confidence, friends.  It is tragic that her life was taken, but that does not fall on you either.  And Boyd was lonely.  He chose to be a part of your pack and fought with you, for you.  You are not the only Alpha to lose a pack member in such a way and you will not be the last.  But you did not kill them Derek.  Your choices are not the reason you have lost so many.  That guilt will destroy you.  You have to let it go.”

I choked on a sob and began to cry for the first time since I lost my family in the fire.  Malcolm wrapped me up and held me through it.

The next morning I woke up feeling a bit lighter.  It would take much more than a conversation to work through all the guilt, hurt, and anger that I still have, but it was a start.  I wanted to reach out to Stiles, but haven’t talked to him since first arriving in New Orleans.  I wondered how his summer was going and decided to bite the bullet and ask.

Derek: Hey…..how’s your summer been?

It was just after eight here making it just after five in Beacon Hills so I didn’t expect an answer, but just two minutes after I sent the text I was receiving one back.

Stiles: Surprisingly well…..

Derek: Why are you up so early?

Stiles: Couldn’t sleep

Derek: Everything Ok?

Stiles: Peachy

It’s the most we’ve spoke in months, but he was still holding himself back from me.  Before I could press further another text came in.

Stiles: How are you?

Derek: I’m ok……getting there you know? I’m in New Orleans with an old family friend.  He’s been helping me figure some stuff out.

Stiles: I’m happy for you.

I read that one sentence over and over.  I felt that he meant it, but there was something more to it.  This was the longest and best exchange we have had since I left and I didn’t want to ruin it.

Derek: Thank you….that means a lot.

Stiles didn’t reply and I knew he wouldn’t.  Talking to him gave me a new burst of energy.  I trained harder than I have in months and was able to concentrate more and more in learning how to shift at will.  I was still a long way away from mastering it, but it felt good.  I felt good.

Another month passed by before I spoke to Stiles.  I sent him a text asking how his senior year was going. I got some information out of him, but not much.  It didn’t last long and it ended as all the others.  Him not replying making it clear he said all he wanted to say.  I spoke with Cora every week.  She was begging me to come to South America and I told her I would think about it. 

I was also getting emails from Scott pretty regularly.  The Sheriff even reached out with some supernatural questions and we have been emailing as well.  I try to be subtle and ask about the pack, but I really want to know how Stiles is doing.  I get bits and pieces of information from both Scott and the Sheriff.  Soon I don’t even have to ask.  A couple of sentences are just added to the end of the email with an update.

Months continue to pass and before I know it I’ve been in New Orleans for six months.  Cora’s begging has become outright pathetic and I can’t handle telling her “I’ll think about it” anymore.  So when we are talking a week after Thanksgiving I tell her, “OK”.

“OK!!??” Cora yells on the other end of the phone.

I laugh and repeat, “Ok”.

“Derek.  Do not play with my emotions.  You’re coming.  You promise you’re coming?”

“I promise Cora, I’m coming,” I told her.  She begins to cry on the other end and it breaks my heart.  I didn’t realize how important this was to her.  If I had known I would have come out a lot sooner.  I told her I’ll talk with Malcolm and get everything together.  I told her I would plan to be there in the New Year.

I spent the next few weeks spending more time training and trying to control the shift.  After a long day I took a shower and settled on the bed for the night.  Just as I closed my eyes a text came through.

Stiles: Happy Birthday….

I stared at my phone.  This is the first time Stiles has reached out to me and I hadn’t even realized he knew when my birthday was.

Derek: Thanks…Merry Christmas

Stiles: Just let yourself have today Derek.  Just because you share your birthday doesn’t mean you always have to.

Derek: I don’t mind

Stiles: I know you don’t dude.  But you should.  Just…have a good day, OK?

Derek: Ok…thanks Stiles….

Stiles didn’t reply.  I never expect him to when he’s clearly said what he needed to say.  I settled in with a warm feeling in my chest.  Tomorrow was going to be a good day and in a week I would be with Cora. 


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Derek's POV, this chapter starts off with him traveling to be with Cora in South America and covers the next three years. He dives deeper into the healing process, learns more about himself, and comes to terms with the past he is trying to find peace with.

Derek

**January 2015**

The flight to Colombia felt longer than it was.  This is the first time I have been out of the country on an airplane and I was anxious to see Cora.  She said she would pick me up from the airport.  When I stepped out of the plane and made my way through the crowds of people I caught my sister’s scent first.  When I saw her I had to pause.  She was looking more and more like Laura every day.  As I approached I noticed the sign she had “Derek Sourwolf”.  Well isn’t she hilarious.  I advanced toward her hoping to catch her off guard, but she sniffed and turned to me just as I was about to wrap her up in my arms.  She met me halfway flinging herself at me wrapping her arms around my neck.  I caught her and spun her around like I used to when she was a little girl.  Cora giggled then starting crying.  I put her down to cradle her face in my hands to look at her.

“Don’t cry baby sister,” I said gently.

“I just…I’m so happy to see you Der.  I missed you so much,” she told me trying to stop the tears.

I pulled her in for a hug and held her there for what felt like hours.  Cora finally pushed her hands on my chest and released herself from the embrace.

“Come on, softy, I want you to meet the pack.”

I smiled and followed her through the crowd out to the car.  I threw my bag in the back and once we were settled and headed out of the airport, I remembered the sign she was holding.

“Nice sign, by the way,” I said giving her an unimpressed look.

She laughed once before saying, “You like that? It was Stiles’ idea.  He thought you would appreciate it.”

“Stiles?” I said trying to hide the surprise in my voice.  I don’t think it worked.  Cora gave me a look out of the corner of her eye and a knowing smile.

“Yeah…I told him you finally agreed to come see me.”

“Oh…I didn’t realize you guys kept in contact.”

“Oh,” she said looking at me again, but this time with a facial expression I couldn’t place.  She continued, “Yeah….we text sometimes and email.  We have since I left.  I just thought you knew.”

“No….I didn’t know,” I replied in a low voice staring at my hands.  After a long pause I finally asked, “How is he?”

Cora turned to look at me for a minute.  Eyes questioning before she looked back to the road and said, “He’s good.  Or at least that’s what he tells me anyway.  I know these past few months have been hard.  He and Scott kinda had a falling out, but he says they are working on it and things are better.”

“Oh” is all I could say.  I had no idea Stiles and Cora kept in contact and couldn’t help feeling jealous that my baby sister knew details about Stiles’ life that I didn’t.  No one told me about Scott and Stiles having a rough time at things.  I mean, Scott and the Sheriff asked a lot of questions that could imply that things weren’t going so great in Beacon Hills, but they are careful not to go into specifics. I guess if Stiles wouldn’t reach out to me at least he would reach out to Cora.

As we drove I watched the scenery around me.  The historical buildings and architecture was breathtaking.  We drove about an hour or so from the airport to the base of the mountains.  Cora explained that Valentina, the Alpha, owns a compound made up of a main house and three other houses just at the base of the mountain where the pack live.  As we approached the mountain, I couldn’t help be humbled by the size of it.  It was beautiful.

We drove through a large iron gate and the house, well mansion is more accurate, was overwhelming.  Spanish style decor and layout it probably had at least eight rooms.  As the car came to a stop, I noticed a woman standing on the porch.  She was tall, for a woman, with jet black hair just past her shoulders.  Her shoulders were broad and hips curvy.  From here I could tell she was stunning.  Cora turned to me, “That’s Valentina”.  I nodded and followed Cora’s lead.  You never know how to approach Alphas you’ve never met.  We exited the car and I trailed behind Cora as we approached the Alpha.  Cora greeted her and gave her a hug.  When she pulled back she introduced me.  Up close I could see her eyes were dark shade of brown.

“Valentina, this is my brother Derek.”

Valentina searched my face leaving nothing left without her scrutiny. She finally smiled and opened her arms to me, “Welcome to Colombia, Derek”.

I hugged her back and told her thank you.

“Come meet the rest of the pack.  They are all anxious to meet you.”

I nodded and followed her into the house.  We walked into a grand room off to the side where there were ten other people.  Valentina began, “Everyone, this is Derek, Cora’s brother.”  Everyone looked at me, but didn’t say anything.  She continued, “This is my husband, David, my mother, Maria, and my daughter, Natalia. My sister, Alejandra, and her husband, Sergio, and their two sons, Juan and Cristian. This is my brother in law, Carlos, and his wife, Luisa.” 

I offered everyone a smile and nod in recognition.

The family resemblance was striking.  David stood at least four inches taller than his wife with tan skin, dark brown hair cut short and liquid gold eyes.  Natalia looked like a shorter version of her mother, but had her dad’s golden eyes.  Alejandra could pass as Valentina’s twin except she was shorter and her eyes were hazel.  Her husband and sons resembled each other as well--tall, tan skin, brown hair, and chocolate brown eyes.  Cristian had stubble on his face whereas Juan and his father were clean shaven.  Carlos was much the same as his brother David with sharper features and his wife was stunning.  Light brown hair, slightly tanned skin, and bright green eyes.   As I looked around the room I noticed that Valentina skipped the older woman in the back corner.  Her hair was brown with lines of gray laying straight past her shoulders.  Her eyes were brown with flecks of golden swimming around the edges and her skin tanned and wrinkling.  Since she was sitting I couldn’t tell exactly how tall she stood, but she looked petite.  She was eyeing me so intensely I had to look away.  It was unnerving.  Valentina noticed and smiled.  “Ah, and this is our emissary, Marianna.”  I met the woman’s gaze that had never left me and nodded politely.  The corners of her mouth rose in a small smile and she offered a small nod in return.  Once all the introductions were done, I said,  “It’s really great to meet you all.  Thank you for allowing me to stay with you and for taking Cora in.”  There was still silence and I wish the floor would just eat me up and take me away from this awkwardness, but then a laugh broke out and everyone was smiling.

“You smell like you are going to piss yourself!” Cristian yelled through his laughter.  Everyone joined in and I couldn’t help but laugh too.  I looked over at Cora and she was smiling so big I couldn’t help but smile back at her.  Everyone came up to me after that to offer handshakes and proper hellos.  The whole time I felt Marianna’s eyes on me.  As the room started to clear I met her eyes again. 

“You’ve come a long way to see your sister, but that’s not all you seek,” she spoke.

“No…it’s not,” I answered.

Marianna continued to look at me like she was piercing through my soul.  “You will come see me in a couple of days.”

It wasn’t a question.  She wasn’t asking.  She was letting me know to seek her out and I would.  I gave her a nod and she rose out of her chair and walked out of the room.  Just as she left Cora came back in.

“Let me show you your room,” she said guiding me out of the room and up the stairs. 

I ended up sleeping through dinner and into the next day.  My first thought upon waking up was Stiles.  Which wasn’t unusual, but now that I know he and Cora talk I wanted to reach out.  The time difference was only two hours from California so I’m not worried about waking him.

Derek: Thanks for the sign

I didn’t want to just wait around for his reply so I made my way to the bathroom and washed my face to help me wake up a bit.  A few minutes later I walked back into my room and checked my phone.

Stiles: Thought you’d appreciate a little humor from home

Home.  I read more into that one word than the whole text.  No matter what, no matter how long it takes me, Beacon Hills will always be home. 

Derek: I did

Was all I could send.  I threw down my phone and changed for the day heading down to the kitchen to find Cora helping with breakfast. 

“Morning,” I said in way of greeting.  Cora turned and gave me a bright smile while Natalia offered her own greeting.  The food smelled amazing and after missing dinner last night I was starving. 

I helped set the table and set all the food out.  David and Valentina joined us, but no one else.  The other three houses occupying the land were for Marianna, Alejandra and her family, and Carlos and his wife.  Some meals were shared all together, but not all.  This morning was low key according to Natalia. 

Conversation flowed pretty easily.  I kept to myself just letting everyone around me fill me in and talk about the pack, the land, and their lives.  It felt like being with my family and it had me feeling comforted, but sad.  I missed this, but although it was a nice substitute it would never compare to what we lost.  Cora brought me out of my deep thought.

“Hey,” she said nudging my arm.  “Let’s go for a hike through the mountain after breakfast.  It’s beautiful and you’ve come at the perfect time.  It doesn’t start raining for a few more months if we’re lucky.”

I smiled and told her Ok.  I helped clear the table and then made my way up to my room to change while Natalia and Cora did the dishes.  I came down fifteen minutes later to find Cora waiting for me by the door.

“Ready?” She asked me smiling.

“Ready baby sis,” I smiled back.  It’s been so long since I’ve seen her give away smiles so easily.  I followed her out of the house and around the back.  It didn’t take more than fifteen minutes to find the trail leading through the mountain.  I realized that I didn’t know much about what Cora has been up to.  Even though we spoke regularly, we never got into many details.  I was always dealing with a crisis and Cora just made sure I knew she was Ok.  It made me upset with myself and I now had the urge to know everything.

“Cora….tell me about everything that has been going on since you’ve been here.”

“Whoa….where did that come from?”

“I just realized that I don’t know much about your life and I want to know.  You’re the only family I have left and I don’t want to not know what’s going on in your life.”

“Ok Derek,” she said smiling.  She let out a breath before starting again. “To be honest I was kinda a wreck when I came here.  I was angry and sad.  Valentina helped a lot.  She had me train with Natalia every day to help release some of that anger and frustration.  Eventually Marianna and I would spend more and more time together.  She’s terrifying and amazing.  She seems to know the answers to the questions she asked you before you do.  But Marianna really helped me sift through everything;  losing our family, losing Laura, Peter, leaving home.  I started to feel more and more like myself.  I started to heal, Der.”

Cora looked up at me and I hadn’t realized I was crying.  It’s too easy for me to think about what I had lost, what I had done, but I forget that I’m not the only one who survived.  I’m not the only one who lost their family and who was hurting.  I stopped walking and pulled Cora in for a hug.  She hugged me back and started crying too.  After a few minutes I pulled back.

“Sorry….it’s just good to see pieces of the old Cora.  I’m glad you have found some peace.”  Cora smiled up at me eyes still watery. 

“You can find some peace here too Derek.  Just be open to it and believe that you deserve it,”  she said the last part in a whisper.  She knows me well enough to know that the guilt I feel will take awhile to get through and that I will fight it.  But for her I will try my hardest to heal.  For her I will try to be the best version of myself no matter how long it takes.

We continued to hike through the mountain for another two hours.  Cora told me that after about six months of being in Colombia she decided to go to school.  She is studying at Universidad de los Andes and on weekends her, Natalia, Cristian, and Juan go to the nearby village to teach English.  She loves it and wants to get her credentials to teach.  While Cora told me about all that she has been doing a great sense of pride has filled me.  She’s worked through her inner turmoil and is making something of herself.  She is happy and that is the best thing I could ever want for her.

I let Cora talk the whole time and she didn’t mind.  The more she spoke about her life now the more animated she got.  She didn’t ask me any questions.  Didn’t pry into why I left, why I finally agreed to come see her, how long I would stay. 

We made it back to the house and I needed a shower.  After I was cleaned up Cora and I sat outside to eat some lunch.  We didn’t talk while we ate.  She had said all she needed to on the hike so it was my turn and I wasn’t ready.  I just didn’t know where to start. 

After lunch we cleaned up the dishes.  Before going back up to my room Cora placed a hand on my shoulder.  I turned to her and couldn’t help but smile.

“I’m really glad you’re here Derek.

“Me too baby sis, me too.”

It’s been four days since I arrived in Columbia and I have been avoiding meeting with Marianna.  If what Cora says is true, I don’t know that I’m ready to have my soul looked at, flipped around, and laid bare.  But I told her I would come and that is a promise I don’t feel comfortable breaking.

Marianna’s house is the smallest of all the others. It is more cottage style that is so different than all the Spanish-inspired houses on the property, but it suits her.  I knocked tentatively hoping she wasn’t home, but no such luck.  She opened the door with a knowing smile.

“I see you’ve worked up your nerve, Derek. Come in.”

I blushed and looked down while following her inside.  Great, we haven’t even started talking yet and I’m already feeling raw.  I hear her laughing low while she guides me into the living room.  She motions toward the couch opposite two chairs and the coffee table indicating I should sit.  I oblige and she settles into one of the chairs across from me.  We don’t say anything.  Marianna is watching me and I am trying to look everywhere other than at her. 

“Relax, Derek.  Would you like something to drink?” she asked making me look at her.

I took a deep breath and shook my head.  I don’t think my stomach could handle anything right now.  I am so nervous and I don’t know why.  Just because I’m here doesn’t mean she’s going to go poking around in my head or my heart.

After some silence she finally spoke again.

“How are you settling in Derek?”

The question was so normal I didn’t know how to answer it.  I blinked up at her for a minute before I could manage an answer.

“It’s good.  Being with Cora again is good.”

Marianna just nodded watching me.  She spoke again.

“Your wolf is unsettled.  What happened?”

I looked at her confused.  She smiled a little and clarified.

“Your wolf has recently manifested in you, creating the ability to shift yes?”

I nodded watching her as she continued.

“But you don’t control it--the shift or your wolf.  Your wolf doesn’t trust itself.  You don’t trust yourself.”

I looked down shaking my head. 

“Why?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I said more to the floor than to her.

“You do know Derek,” she countered.  “You’re just not ready.”

I looked up at her feeling like she could see into me.  “I’m not ready,” I agreed.

She gave me her small smile and nodded.  “You will not be able to learn how to shift until you learn how to trust yourself again.  You and your wolf are each a piece of a whole.  They work together, but you resist every instinct and question yourself.  This goes against everything your wolf knows.  When you are ready, I will be here.”

She is dismissing me.  There isn’t much she can do if I’m not ready to receive it.  But she’s right.  I feel myself being pulled apart at times.  Times when I want to act but stop myself and question every decision.  Weigh the pros and cons.  It’s fighting everything it is to be a wolf and it is slowly tearing me apart.  I may not be ready now, but if I don’t get this under control soon, it may slowly rip me apart.  I nodded and smiled at Marianna in a silent “thank you” and walked out.

Months seemed to pass quickly.  I spent most of my time training with the pack, avoiding Marianna, and going with Cora and the others to the village on weekends. While Cora, Natalia, and Juan taught English to anyone who wanted to learn, children and adults, Cristian and I helped build new houses, made repairs to anything that needed fixing, and helped in the community garden.  It was my favorite time of the week and I loved coming to the village, especially seeing Cora with the children.  She lights up when they are around.

When we made it back to the house late Sunday evening, Valentina, Alejandra, and Marianna were just finishing dinner.  We all got cleaned up and went down to meet the rest of the pack for dinner.  We all helped set the table and bring the food to the table.  When I walked back into the kitchen to grab the rice, Marianna was the only one in there. 

“You’ve been avoiding me,” she said as I entered the room.

I didn’t even try to lie.  “I have,” I replied guiltily.

“Don’t for much longer.  You are more ready than you know,” was all she said while handing me the rice dish and walking out of the room.

Dinner was a lively affair as it usually is when the whole pack is together.  We talked about all the work in the village we had been doing and Cora talked about finishing her sophomore year in the next month.  Classes were getting harder, but she was loving every minute of it. 

After dinner we all sat outside enjoy the unusually mild night.  Rain was coming; you could smell it in the air.  I finally made my way up to my room and settled into bed.  Tomorrow was Stiles’ eighteenth birthday and I wanted to be the first to wish him a happy birthday.  I stared up at the ceiling for another two hours waiting for it to be midnight in California.  Right when my phone switched to show 12:00, I sent the text I had written out an hour ago.

Derek: Happy 18 th birthday Stiles.  I hope it’s everything you want it to be.

Stiles: Scott’s gonna be pissed.  You beat him. Lol

Derek: Good.  That was the plan.

Stiles: Thank you….btw. 

Derek: Big plans?

Stiles: Not dying or maiming myself is usually the plan these days

I growled when I read that.  Was it really that bad?

Stiles: Kidding Sourwolf.  Put your fangs away.

I hadn’t even noticed my fangs showed.  I looked around wondering if he could see me somehow.  I shook myself out of my shift and replied.

Derek: Not funny.

Stiles: Lydia is throwing me a party.  It’s supposed to be a surprise….oops.

Derek: Ha.  Of course you know--always the perceptive one.

Stiles: Yeah….that’s me.

Derek: Enjoy it Stiles……..I wish I could be there.

I don’t know why I sent that last part, but I needed him to know I missed him.  But even more, I needed to know if he missed me too; if he wanted me to be there just as badly as I did.  Minutes passed by with no response.  I fell asleep gripping my phone to my chest waiting for a reply I knew wouldn’t come.

It took me another week to make my way to Marianna’s house.  According to Cora, I’ve been “a real dick lately” and needed to figure it out.  Waking up on Stiles’ birthday to no response was upsetting and I couldn’t shake my bad mood.  This morning I went for a run after seeing Cora look at me with sad eyes.  I couldn’t handle that I was the one who put the sadness in her eyes and needed to suck it up and start working out my shit.  My problems ran deep and not getting a text from Stiles should not be able to upset me the way it does.

I found the door open when I got there and knocked on the side saying “hello.” Marianna’s voice came from the living room and told me to come in and shut the door.  She had been expecting me.  I sat on the couch while she sat in the same chair she had the last time we spoke.

“I’ve heard you’ve been in a bad mood this past week,” Marianna started.  It was both a question and a statement.

“Yeah…just been in a mood I guess,” I replied.

Marianna smiled, “Oh Derek.  Can we agree to not bullshit each other? You know I can read you like a book and you are a terrible liar.”

I looked up abruptly.  She was smiling at me and I couldn’t help but to relax.  I took a deep breath, sank deeper into the couch, and said, “Yeah…Ok…I can do that.”

“Good,” she said, and then continued, “So why are you upset?”

I shook my head.  I didn’t want to talk about that.  I didn’t want to talk about Stiles.  That cut seemed too fresh and it was confusing.  Marianna seemed to understand because she asked a different question.

“Why is it so hard to trust yourself?”

Another loaded question, but that’s why I was here; to try to let it go.  “Because every decision I’ve made for the past seven years has ended in people dying.”

Marianna considered me for a minute before asking, “The fire?”

“Kate,” I corrected. 

“From what I understand you were just a boy, Derek.  She took advantage of you.  She is the villain in this story, not you.”

“I should have known.  I should have saved my family.”

“How should you have known? How could you have saved them?”

“I should have known there was something wrong with a grown woman going after a sixteen year old boy! I should have been able to save them!”

Marianna didn’t even flinch.  She just eyed me and waited patiently.  I controlled my breathing and put my head in my hands.

“You miss the key word in that sentence, Derek.  You were just a boy.  That’s why she used you.  The blame falls on her.  I am not the first to say this and I won’t be the last.  But you have to forgive yourself for falling for the tricks of a crazy woman who would have attempted to kill you and your family whether she used you or not.”

Tears were coming easily now.  I hated crying.  I’ve cried more since I have left Beacon Hills than I ever have.  Marianna let me have the release I needed before starting again.

“Let it go Derek.  Let the guilt go so you can fully grieve the loss of your family,”  I cried on her couch for a long time while she watched on.  When I finally pulled myself together she hugged me.  I felt lighter, but exhausted as I walked back to the main house.

It’s been a year since I left Beacon Hills and tomorrow Stiles, Scott, and Lydia graduate high school.  I want to be there and it hurts that I am missing such a huge milestone.  I sent out a group text telling them congratulations and everyone replied, even Stiles. 

The next day I got a text from Scott.  It was a picture of the pack surrounding the graduates and then another of just the three of them; Scott, Lydia, and Stiles decked out in their caps and gowns.  Stiles was smiling his huge goofy grin, but his eyes were sad.  I enlarged the picture and focused on his face running my finger across his face.  I should have been there.

A knock on my door startled me and I dropped my phone.  I told Cora to come in; I could smell her now that I wasn’t distracted.  She poked her head in and said, “Hey.”

“Hey,” I replied.

Cora’s face scrunched up, “You ok?”

“Yeah….Scott just sent me some pictures from graduation today.”

“OH! Can I see? Stiles was debating on what to wear.”

My stomach bottomed out before I answered with a low “Sure.” I handed my phone over to Cora and watched her face light up at seeing everyone.

“They look great! And man has Stiles filled out! Who knew he could be so sexy,” she giggled and wiggled her eyebrows.

I could feel a slight blush reach my cheeks and snatched my phone out of her hand.  She just giggled more and I tried to hide my face from her.  She wasn’t lying, but it was disturbing to me that I had thought the same thing just two minutes before.

After I recovered and Cora seemed to settle down I asked, “Why are you here?”

“Oh……I wanted to show you something.”

I eyed her skeptically.  She rolled her eyes, “Come on Derek,” she said grabbing at my hand.  I let out a breath and stood to follow her down the stairs. 

She led me behind the main house and toward the mountain.  Just as we reached the base she turned to the left.  We walked on a makeshift trail toward a small gate that lead to what looked like a garden.  When we walked through I saw beautiful flowers surrounding me. 

“It’s beautiful Cora,” I breathed out.  It really was amazing and it reminded me of the garden we had back in Beacon Hills before the fire.  I followed her to the back of the garden and stood behind her when she stopped in front of a slab of rock.  Carved into it was “In Loving Memory and Honor of the Hale Pack.  Lost but Never Forgotten.”  My breath hitched and Cora spoke with her back to me.

“A couple of months after I got here and a few sessions in with Marianna she recommended I do something to honor those we’ve lost.  She said it would help me heal and it has.  I come here when I feel myself slipping back to who I was right after the fire, when I need to talk to mom, or just when I miss them.”

“Why didn’t you show me this sooner?” I asked.  Not upset, just curious why now after almost five months.

“Marianna said you weren’t ready.”

“But I am now,” I wasn’t asking.  Just repeating what Marianna had told me.  I needed to start the grieving process.

Cora nodded with her back still to me, but she walked over to a bench I didn’t notice before and sat.  I sat with her and took her hand.  We sat together for awhile before she stood up, placed a kiss on my forehead and walked out of the garden.  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  I sat in the garden for hours.  I spoke to my mother, my father, Laura, and the twins.  I apologized over and over and asked them to forgive me and asked them to help me forgive myself.

The months continued to tick by quickly.  For the first month I visited the garden every day and saw Marianna once a week.  I told her about Laura and Peter, about Boyd and Ericka and she listened offering words of advice and hard truths I wasn’t ready to hear. 

On a dry day in September, I decided to add a stone for Boyd and Ericka to the garden.  Some days I had just as much to say to them as I did to my family.  I asked for their forgiveness too.

I sent some texts to the pack wishing them a great first year of college and got simple replies.  The emails from Scott and the Sheriff were coming slower now.  Scott and Stiles headed to Berkeley.   As I worked through losing my family, Boyd, and Ericka, Stiles seemed to float on the surface more and more every day.  It was harder to distract myself and I reached for my phone so many times I’m surprised that I haven’t sent him hundreds of texts by now. 

Thanksgiving came and went and now I find myself staring at my phone hoping that Stiles reaches out to me like he did a year ago.  I waited all day, but nothing.  Finally I gave in and decided to reach out to him.

Derek: Merry Christmas, Stiles

It took almost two hours before he replied.

Stiles: Happy Birthday, Derek

I couldn’t bring myself to say anything back.  There was tension in that text, I could feel it.  I put my phone down and went to sleep with an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

**January 2016**

I brought in the New Year with Cora, Natalia, Juan, and Cristian at a club in Bogota.  Juan brought a special brew of wolfsbane that Marianna put together for us.  I danced with Natalia and Cristian mostly, turning down advances from party goers.  At midnight, Cristian pulled me in for a kiss and I let it happen, but when he tried to deepen it I pulled back and gave him a wink.  Natalia turned my head around and followed suit, but didn’t deepen the kiss like Cristian had.  We danced a few more hours before heading home. 

The next day I wished the pack a Happy New Year.  Everyone replied except for Stiles.  I tried to pretend that sting in my heart was caused by my hangover. 

I spent the next few months reaching out to Stiles with no luck. He never responded.  I asked Cora if she had heard from him and she said he wasn’t replying to her either.  I got really nervous and ended up calling Scott.  He assured me everything was fine.  Stiles was just focusing on school and that I wasn’t the only one he was distancing himself from.  It didn’t do much to comfort me, but at least I knew he was Ok. 

Before I knew it it was Stiles’ birthday again.  I tried one last effort at reaching out.

Derek: Happy Birthday, Stiles.  I hope you enjoy it.  Be happy.

Nothing.  I waited up for four hours willing my phone to tell me I had a new text, but instead it just laughed at me.  I threw it at the wall surprised it didn’t break into pieces. 

Since Stiles’ birthday I started going to the club more and more.  When I drank it was to forget the man with amber eyes that I couldn’t stop thinking about.  To forget that he clearly wanted nothing to do with me or he really just had no use for me at all.  I drank, I danced, and I hooked up with random clubbers in the shadows of the club.  Cristian has made it very clear he would gladly help me forget what I was trying so hard not to remember, but I couldn’t do it.  He was gorgeous, but I didn’t want to jeopardize the pack.  He understood, but still said if I changed my mind I knew where to find him. 

I went on like this through the summer.  Cora started her senior year of college while I partied as much as I could.  I spent less time in the garden and avoided Marianna at all costs.  Valentina wanted to say something, I could see it every time she looked at me, but as long as her pack wasn’t affected she kept it to herself.  Because I wasn’t pack.  As much as she has welcomed Cora and me she still holds me at arm's length.  And I’m Ok with that.

I was enjoying a dry day in late September out in the garden when I felt someone approaching.  I turned to see Marianna making her way through the gate.  Shit.  She smiled as she took in my face.  She knew I wouldn’t come to her so she came to me instead.

“You can’t hide from me forever Derek,” she laughed.

“I was trying,” I replied looking down at the flowers in front of me.

“Oh I know,” she laughed again taking a seat next to me.  After allowing the silence to settle she broke through it.

“I’ve watched you let go of so much this past year Derek only to have something grip you and make you stumble again.  It’s not the family you lost or the pack members you lost.  Tell me.”

“No,” I said without thinking.  Marianna froze beside me for just a brief moment before relaxing again.  She started to shake her head working through what she wanted to say.

“You can hold it in and let it slowly destroy you and those around you,” she pointed her gaze at me at the last part.  Cora.  She meant Cora.  And I have seen it--the sadness that has settled back into her eyes when she watches me leave for the club.

I took a deep breath. “I don’t even know what to say or why I hurt so much.”

Marianna nodded her head again, “I think you do Derek.  I just don’t think you’re ready to fully admit it.  So start with what you can admit and we’ll go from there.”

I took several deep breaths.  I told her about losing Laura, killing Peter, Peter coming back, being Alpha and all the bad decisions I made.  Things she already knew.  Then I talked about Scott and our makeshift pack.  I talked about Stiles and how our friendship grew.  I told her about the night I had to walk away from him, how I wanted him to ask me to stay, and how over the past two years he has given me just enough to keep myself together, but now he won’t answer my texts and the emails from Scott and the Sheriff don’t give me those little updates anymore.  I was so wrapped up in telling her everything that I didn’t notice it started to rain lightly.  Marianna listened to everything I had to say.  Nodding and making agreeing sounds.  When I was done I looked up her.

“So you miss your friend?” She asked emphasizing the word friend.

That made me angry and I didn’t know why.

“It’s not that simple,” I countered.

“Hmmm,” she hummed.

“What does that mean?” I shouted.

“It means that I agree.  It’s not that simple, but it’s started to rain and I’m not as lucky as you that I don’t have to worry about getting sick.  So let’s wrap it up for the day.  Come see me before the week is done.”

“Ok...” I said standing and walking with her out of the garden.

I walked back to the house and up to my room.  I took a hot shower and dressed for bed.  I didn’t have the energy for being around people today.  I grabbed my phone and pulled up the picture of Stiles from graduation and stared at him.  Yeah….it’s not that simple at all.

I didn’t go see Marianna at the end of the week like we talked about, but not because I was avoiding her, but due to the rain we were having, the village needed some help.  We spent over a week there trying to fix leaks and using any of the dry times to build what we could.  Cora, Juan, and Natalia could only come up on weekends due to their school schedules, but Cristian and I went back up after spending that week up there.  It helped me keep my mind off things and I hadn’t been to the club in a month.

I finally made my way to Marianna’s in late October.  She welcomed me with a warm smile.  She knew I wasn’t actively avoiding her and I came when I could. 

“You look better than the last time I saw you,” she said getting straight to the point.

I chuckled, “Thanks”

“You do so much good for that village.  It suits you,” she replied.

I blushed and looked down.  I didn’t do anything for the village to be acknowledged for it.  I did it because I loved to be there.

“So,” Marianna said after a few moments of silence.  “Have you worked some things out?”

I looked up at her sharply.  “I don’t know why how I might or might not feel about Stiles is going to do anything.”

“It might not do anything, but don’t you think you should at least know exactly what they are?”

“It wouldn’t matter”

“Why?” She pressed.

“Because I’m here and he’s there.  He doesn’t answer any of my texts which tells me he doesn’t care enough to make an effort so any illusion that I have that acknowledging that maybe my feelings for Stiles runs deeper than a friendship only gets me hurt.”

Marianna regarded me for a moment.  “Why do you assume him not replying means he doesn’t care?  From what you’ve told me about him he likes to ignore problems until they go away.”

“Well there you go, I’m just a problem,” I replied hurting more.

She shook her head, “That’s not what I’m saying Derek.  What if he is hurting just as badly as you, but for him to survive it he is trying to ignore it away like you were trying to party it away?”

I thought about that for a couple of minutes, “It doesn’t matter”

“Why?”

“Because like I said, I’m here and he’s there.  Admitting to myself how I feel about him doesn’t do any good.”

“Fully admitting to yourself how you feel about Stiles helps you heal Derek.  It will help you decide what you want and what you’re going to do next.”

I shook my head, “Cora needs to come first.  I’m not going anywhere without her again.”

Marianna eyed me shaking her head in understanding. “Ok,” she said.  I got up and walked out of the cottage.

**January 2017**

We spent New Year’s Eve at home this year.  I haven’t been to the club since September and didn’t want to start back on old habits.  I spent any time I wasn’t training or in the garden at the village.  Now that the weather has calmed down again we have been able to build more houses and fix all the damage from the rain.  Cora would be graduating in May and hasn’t decided exactly what she wants to do next. 

Ever since that last talk with Marianna about Stiles I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him.  I know him better than I thought I had.  What she said about him and his lack of coping skills are true.  I know it hurt him to watch me leave, but I didn’t know to what extent.  Maybe he needed to forget me like I thought I had to forget him.  It didn’t make me ache at the loss of him any less, but it helped me understand it more, if it was true.  Part of me wanted Stiles to be trying to forget me, but then I also hoped that he was happy and enjoying college.  I don’t want him to hurt and I definitely don’t want to be the cause of it.  One thing I know for sure now, but haven’t admitted to Marianna, or anyone, is that my feelings for Stiles aren’t based strictly on friendship and they haven’t been for years.

Months continued to bleed together and I found myself in the garden on Stiles’ birthday this year.  I didn’t reach out to him like I wanted to, but I hoped sending him a birthday wish in the garden would reach him somehow.  I caught Marianna’s scent as she approached.

“Morning,” I greeted her without turning around. 

“Good morning Derek,” she said with a smile in her voice.  “I see you are relying more on your instincts these days.” 

I looked up at her.  She was right.  I allowed myself to use my wolf senses more and more these past few months.  I acted on instinct instead of questioning myself first.  Last week in the village, I heard some of the old wood breaking, and before I had a chance to think about what I was doing I lunged forward pushing a little kid out of the way and caught the beam before it fell.  Cristian heard it too, but was too far away.  He offered me a proud smile when I caught his eyes. 

I smiled at the memory, “Yeah, yeah I have.”

She smiled brightly at me, “Good.” She sat down next to me before asking, “You’ve come to realize some things.”

Her uncanny ability to just know things, to see through me doesn’t throw me off anymore.  I just nod in response.  We let the silence fall and then I finally say, “I can’t pinpoint exactly when I started having feelings for Stiles beyond friendship, but I do.  I think about him every day.  When I close my eyes I see his amber eyes staring back at me.  When something happens I’ll grab my phone to call him and when I need to work something out I wish desperately he was there.”

She just nodded like she already knew, but was just waiting for me to say it out loud.  Silence fell between us again.  She finally spoke.

“What are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing”

“Nothing? Don’t you think love is worth getting hurt for?”

“I’m not leaving without Cora and she’s happy here.”

“Have you asked her what she wants or are you deciding what’s good for her like you are for Stiles?”

My head snapped up at what she said.  I pinned her with my eyes and searched like she searches mine. 

“No. I haven’t asked.  And I won’t.”

Marianna just shook her head while she stood.  Before she walked out of the garden she turned back to me.  “Carlos is also able to shift into his wolf form.  I believe you are ready to learn.  He will help you.”

I just stared at her retreating back.  I don’t want to think about going home.  I don’t want to hope for it to be a possibility and I don’t want to ask Cora and make her choose.  I won’t leave without her and if staying here is what makes her happy I’ll do it for her.

**January 2018**

I celebrated my third year in Colombia with Cora at the main house while the others went to the club.  Cristian lingered for a few minutes debating if he wanted to push the issue, but decided better of it and left.  The next day Cora and I woke up early to spend time in the garden and then hike the mountain trail.  We climbed for two hours finding the spot Cora showed me the first time we climbed these mountains together.  We sank down at the ledge, our backs supported by rocks and our legs dangling.  The view was perfect.  Cora handed me a water bottle and sandwich from our backpack and we sat in contented silence.

The contentment started to shift and I could hear Cora’s heartbeat pick up slightly.  She was nervous.  I turned to her and asked, “Are you Ok?”

She blushed and took a deep breath.  “I’m fine.”

“You’re nervous.  Talk to me baby sis.”

Cora closed her eyes and steadied her breathing.  It took her a couple of minutes to get the nerve to ask whatever was bothering her.

“Do you like it here Der?”

I was a little taken aback by the question.  We’ve never talked about being here.  The months just seem to come and go faster each year. 

“Of course,” I answered honestly.

Cora nodded feeling that I wasn’t lying.  “Do you ever think about going home?”

“Every day,” I replied without even thinking.  There was no point in lying to another werewolf.

Her head snapped up and she searched my face.  She knew I wasn’t lying about liking it here, but she also knew I thought about home every day.  After she scrutinized my face for what felt like hours she let out a breath and said, “Me too”.

“You do?” I asked in a rush.  I wasn’t expecting that.

Cora nodded her head, “The pack has been wonderful, I loved going to school here, but now I’m done.  I love the village and the children there and would miss them most of all, but it’s just not home Der, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” I replied knowing exactly how she was feeling.

“Then let’s go home Derek,” Cora said in a pleading voice.

“Ok Cora…..let’s go home,” I said pulling her into me for a hug.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Stiles POV, we are back in present time.

Stiles

**April 2018**

I woke up to the sound of my phone beeping indicating I had an incoming text.

Scott: Meet at the diner in 30

Stiles: Ok

I threw my phone down on the bed and groaned.  Sleep or eat? As I asked myself this question my stomach answered with a loud growl.  Eat it is.  I hopped out of bed and took a quick shower to rinse off pulling on the first clean clothes I pulled out of my bag.  As I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen I noticed my dad had already left for work and left a note on the fridge. 

_ Be home for dinner. _

_ Love, Dad _

Hmm.  I didn’t think much of it and grabbed the keys to the Jeep as I walked out the door.  It was only a five minute drive to the diner and as soon as I entered I saw Scott and Kira on one side and Lydia turning to look at me sitting on the other.  Lydia got up wrapping me in a big hug. 

“Oh it’s so good to see you Stiles,” she said as she hugged me.

“You too Lydia,” I replied.

Scott let Kira out of the booth to give me a hug and we all sat back down.  Liam was with his parents for the day, but we should be seeing him tomorrow when Isaac is back.  I haven’t seen Isaac in years.  That should be interesting.  I wonder if he has a thing for scarves still.  Once we were settled in we made Kira and Lydia tell us about school.  They both ended up at Stanford and even though we are close we don’t see each other much. 

We put in our order for food and continued filling each other in on our lives.  As I listened to Kira talk about a professor she was a TA for I felt like someone was watching me.  I should be used to it by now being part of a werewolf pack, but this felt different.  I turned toward the window and searched the streets and passing cars.  Just as Lydia pulled me back into the conversation Scott got an incoming text.  His eyes went wide and he looked out the window briefly then back to his phone shooting out a quick reply. 

“You Ok man?” I asked with a questioning look on my face.

“Yeah all good,” he said not looking at me. I decide to let it go and ask him without the girls around.  He is such a horrible liar.

We get our food and for several minutes all you hear is small sounds of satisfaction from eating.  Then Scott looks at me and says, “Hey, did your dad talk to you about having a barbeque tomorrow when Isaac gets here?”

I shook my head, “No, but that might be what the note meant.  He wanted to make sure I was home for dinner.”

Something passed through Scott’s eyes before he looked down at his food pretending he was about to take a bite saying “Oh Ok.”

The rest of the breakfast went well and we promised to see each other tomorrow at the barbeque I was apparently hosting.  Once we stepped out onto the sidewalk and were about to part ways Scott said, “Hey.  I gotta go check on something, but I’m gonna come over and hang for a bit Ok?”

I just eyed him.  “Ok dude.  Only if you quit acting weird.”

Scott gave me a smile and said, “I’ll do my best,” and walked away.

I drove home and figured I could work on one of my papers while I waited for Scott to come back over.  There really wasn’t much for me to do anyway.  I ended up finishing the paper just as Scott was walking through my door without even knocking a few hours later. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked.  He looked like someone stole his bike.

“Nothing!” Scott said a little too forcefully. 

“You said you weren’t going to act weird dude stop it,” I narrowed my eyes at him.  I feel like I woke up in the twilight zone. 

“Sorry man….let’s just play for a bit yeah?”  He asked.

“Fine,” I told him.  He will tell me what the hell is going on. I’ll just have to kick his ass for a little bit first.

Three hours later I’m working on dinner while Scott is sitting at the kitchen table.  At first I thought he was just pouting after losing every game except the one I let him win, but now I can see he is working on something to tell me.  I’ve finally had enough and turn to him.

“Scott….dude….just tell me already.  You look like you’re going to pass out!” I told him with a laugh.

Scott didn’t laugh though and he wouldn’t meet my eyes.  I got worried and put the spoon down that I was holding crossing the room to stand by him.  He looked up and swallowed.

“Promise me you won’t be mad,” he said in a low unsure voice.

“I…..I’ll try dude, just tell me you’re freaking me out!” I replied.

Scott looked down at his hands and twisted his fingers.

“Jesus dude jus….”

“Derek’s back,” Scott let out in a rush before I could finish my sentence.  I whipped back like he had slapped me and started to blink my eyes as if that was going to help me comprehend what he had just said. 

“What do you mean ‘he’s back?’” I asked after taking several steadying breaths.

“He moved back.  Cora too.  They are rebuilding the old Hale house.” He explained in a whisper.

My mind was rushing and my ears were ringing.  All I could manage was “When?”

Scott still wouldn’t meet my eyes when he said, “6 weeks ago.”

“6 WEEKS AGO? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?” I yelled hitting my fist on the kitchen table.  Scott flinched, but he wasn’t the one who spoke next.

“Because I asked him not to,” a voice came from just inside the kitchen.  I turned to see my dad standing there in uniform.  I hadn’t even heard him come in.

I sank down on the chair in front of me feeling like my legs wouldn’t be able to hold me up much longer.  “Why?” I asked again staring at the table in front of me, but the question was directed to my dad. 

“Because I was scared you wouldn’t come home if you knew,” he told me in a gentle voice.  

I closed my eyes and processed what I had just been told.  Derek is back.  Cora is with him and they have been home for 6 weeks.  My best friend and father knew and didn’t tell me.  I felt betrayed.  No one spoke for several minutes.  My dad came and sat in the chair next to me. 

“I’m sorry son.  I know I should have told you, but I was too scared you wouldn’t come home and I missed you.”

My heart broke a little more when my dad spoke.  I had made myself so scarce that my dad had to rely on lying to get me to come home.  I felt guilty which then made me feel angry.  I was the one who should be upset.

“You should have told me anyway.  This isn’t fair,” I said still looking at the table.  No one spoke.  What could they say?  The timer went off on the oven.  I took out the lasagna and garlic bread, turned off the oven then walked over to the stove and turned off the vegetables. 

“Dinner is done, but I’m not hungry,” I said taking off the oven mitt and walking out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my room.

I slammed my door shut making it clear no one should follow me and fell on my bed face first.  So many emotions are running through me and I can’t even grab onto a single one.  I don’t know why I thought I would never see Derek again, but I did.  I thought I would forget him a little more every year until he was just maybe someone I once knew.  That was the lie I had tried to tell myself.  It helped keep him from surfacing as often as he tried.  Besides that dream I had the other day I hadn’t allowed myself to conjure up a memory of Derek.  But now I wouldn’t have a choice and not having a choice just pisses me off. 

He is pack.  And to deny that after everything would be shitty to everyone.  I couldn’t do that.  Things aren’t the way they were.  Maybe I’ll see him in the flesh and the image I remember will be shattered into pieces when I realize he isn’t that great.  That when he smiles his whole face doesn’t light up and his eyes don’t shine a little brighter.  That when he looks at you, I mean really looks at you, the world doesn’t melt away like I remember it did.  His smell won’t be intoxicating and I won’t stare at his arms wondering how it would feel to be wrapped in them while his lips are brushing mine.  Nope.  He will be nothing like I remember and I can let go of this fantasy of him and move on once and for all. 

I end up falling asleep and am woken up with a knock on my door.  I see my dad walking in as I’m rolling over trying to open my eyes. 

“Hey kiddo,” he says tentatively.

I just grunt at him in return still sleepy and mad.

“Look,” he starts taking a seat at the end of my bed while I pushed myself up leaning against the wall.  “I’m sorry I lied. I should have let Scott tell you when we got the email, but I know how Derek leaving affected you and I just couldn’t risk not seeing you for however long you decided to stay away.” My dad looked so defeated it made me feel even worse for not coming more often to visit him.  No matter my feelings about Derek or all the shit I’ve had to deal with, my dad doesn’t deserve this.  In trying to keep myself sane I’ve punished my dad and that just isn’t Ok.

“It’s Ok dad I get it,” I told him reaching out my hand to squeeze his shoulder.  “I’m sorry that my lack of coping skills makes me a dick son who doesn’t come home” I tried for humor, but it didn’t hit like I wanted it to.

My dad turned fully around to face me really looking at me.  “No son, I’m sorry that I didn’t fully understand the depth of your hurt to call you out sooner when I realized what you were doing.”

I looked down feeling unnerved by my dad’s stare.  This is the most we’ve talked about anything since he asked me to talk to someone when I went back to school after freshman year.

“Son,” my dad said making me look at him again, “I don’t know what your relationship was with Derek, I just know that it hurt you when he left.” My eyes went wide at the way my dad said ‘relationship’ but he continued.  “I know having him back is going to be hard for whatever reason, but just give it a chance. I’m not saying you have to be close like you once were.  I’m not saying you even have to be friends.  All I’m asking is that you try to let go of whatever it is you are holding on to and try to move forward in the best way you can.  For Derek, for the pack, for me, and for yourself.”

I hadn’t realized I had started to cry until a tear hit my arm.  I leaned in and hugged my dad so tight it made it hard for me to breath.  “I’ll try dad,” I promised.  We stayed like that for a long time before I pulled out of the embrace.  My dad stood and walked towards the door, but before he could leave he turned back around and said, “Stiles,” I looked up at him expectantly.  “Call Scott and let him know you aren’t mad please.  I had to kick him out with that sad look on his face.”

I chuckled, “I will dad, promise.”  He smiled and told me he loved me before shutting my door behind him.  I wasn’t that mad at Scott.  I know he was caught in a shitty position.  As the Alpha he was trying to honor us all. It’s just sometimes I think I should take precedence because we’re best friends.  I decided to take a quick shower to wake up a little and clear my head before calling Scott.  He could stew a little bit longer. 

When I got out of the shower I noticed my window was open halfway.  I could have sworn I left it shut when I went into the shower.  I walked over, peered out, and then shut it completely.  I dressed quickly then grabbed my phone to call Scott.  It rang once before he picked up.

“Dude, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you,” he let out in a rush as soon as he picked up the phone.

“It’s fine dude, I’m fine.”  It was quiet and I’m pretty sure Scott is trying to hear my heartbeat to see if I’m lying.  “Hey asshole! No wolfy powers! I’m fine I promise!” I yelled at him.

“Ok sorry! You just had me worried for a minute.”

Silence stretched before Scott said, “I can tell him not to come around.  At least until after we go back to school.” He said it in a low voice.  He would do that for me because he knows it will be hard for me to see him.  We’ve never talked about Derek or how I handled him leaving, but he knew.  Just knowing that he would try to protect me first and put the pack on the back burner had me both happy and feeling guilty.

“No, it’s Ok.  I mean, if its pack stuff then he should be there.  I gotta work through my shit sooner or later right?”

“Right,” Scott answered with a small laugh.  “So…..you’re Ok with him and Cora coming tomorrow?”

Nope.  “Yeah dude, it’s cool.” I said making sure my breath stayed steady and my heart calm.

“Ok…sweet….and…..we’re good?” Ever since senior year in high school we’ve both been a little more insecure about when we have disagreements.  We have to get validation more and more that we are good.

“Yes Scotty….we’re good, promise,” I reassured him.

He let out a long breath and said goodnight. 

I went downstairs to heat up the leftover dinner and sat at the table.  How the hell was I going to get through tomorrow?  I’m only here for two weeks.  I just need to fake it for that long.  I could handle it.  And besides, like I told myself earlier, Derek probably wasn’t even as great as I remember.  He isn’t the same guy that walked away almost four years ago.  This will be a piece of cake.  I just need to see him, see that he was just an illusion, and move on.  I’ve got this.

I so don’t have this.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Stiles POV, Stiles sees Derek for the first time in four years. 
> 
> **Trigger warning: Panic Attack.

Stiles

 

I spent most of the night tossing and turning with the idea of sleep eluding me.  My dad popped his head in to let me know he was going into the station for a couple of hours, but would be home around three that afternoon when everyone should be arriving.  He left me a grocery list to pick up the rest of the items we were missing.  Before leaving he looked at me trying to gauge my mood.  I assured him I would be fine and would try to take a nap after I got the groceries.  He accepted the lie and left for work.

I took my time getting out of bed even though I knew sleep wouldn’t come.  Stayed in the shower until the water ran cold and then took way too much time figuring out what I was going to wear.  I finally made it down to the kitchen two hours after my dad had left.  I ate a cold piece of leftover garlic bread and made a pot of coffee looking over the list.  It was mostly meat and sodas.  I guess everyone else was in charge of bringing side dishes.  I finished my coffee, got into the Jeep, and went to the store. 

I felt like I was on autopilot.  I grabbed the things off the list not paying much attention to everything around me.  I don’t even remember checking out, putting the groceries in the back of the Jeep, and driving home.  I was so stressed out about seeing Derek today that I couldn’t let myself think about it.  I needed to be numb.  Just as I was making my second trip out to the Jeep for the last of the groceries I saw a car I didn’t recognize pulling up to my curb.  My heart skipped a few beats before Scott came busting out of the passenger door.

“Hey, look who I found!” He called out to me with his goofy grin.

I looked over to the driver’s side just in time to see Isaac turning towards me.  I smiled and waved.

“Hey man, glad you’re back!” I called out to him.  Scott came up and grabbed the last bag so I could shake Isaac’s hand and pull him in for a brief hug.  When I pulled back I was slightly disappointed he wasn’t wearing a scarf.

“Thanks…..it’s good to be back” he replied.

His smile was genuine and I could tell he missed the pack—mostly Scott, but he still carried the sadness of losing Allison.  The potential for what they could have had taken from him before they even really got started. 

Scott came back out after taking the last bag into the house.  His smile was infectious and it helped me calm down just a bit.

“We have a couple of sides at my house we still need to bring over, but I just picked Isaac up from the airport and wanted to come see you,” Scott told me.

I looked at him knowing he needed to check in with me to see if I was still mad and to see how I was handling today.  I offered him a smile that made him smile in return.

“Cool dude…..I just got back from grabbing some stuff for my dad.  I was just going to prep the burgers and clean up a bit before everyone started to come over.”

“Ok sweet….let me get Isaac settled at my house and then we’ll bring everything over and help Ok?”

I smiled brighter at him, “Ok….sounds good.”  I went back into the house and started to put the groceries away and get ready to prep the meat.  Scott’s got my back.  No matter what happens tonight or how I react to seeing Derek I can count on him.  That thought eased my racing mind just a little more after seeing how happy Scott was this morning.  This is the first time in years that the pack will be together.  I need to make this right for him. 

Scott and Isaac came back an hour after they had left and helped set up the grill, tables and chairs outside while I picked up the inside.  Kira and Lydia showed up about an hour after that with each a dish of their own and joined the boys in the back.  My dad showed up with Melissa, he picked her up on the way home from the station, just after three and before I could close the door Liam bound up the stairs after them.  I gave him a quick hug and directed him to the back to join the others.

Now it was just a waiting game.  Derek and Cora would be the last ones to show up.  I debated on just going outside and making my dad or Melissa answer, but then thought maybe it would be better to see him when no one was around.  That way if it was bad I could try to recover before it got awkward.  I took a deep breath and started to walk to the kitchen when there was a knock on the door.  My heart skipped a beat and I froze in place.  Calm down Stiles, just breathe, I told myself.  I turned back to the door and let my hand rest on the knob.  I knew they could hear and smell me on the other side of the door, but I needed to steady my breathing.  Before I lost my nerve, I swung the door open plastering on my biggest smile.  I saw Cora first.

“Hi Cora!” I barely got it out before she was hugging me so tight I could barely breathe.  I closed my eyes willing myself not to open them. I could feel Derek’s gaze on me and couldn’t handle meeting his eyes just yet. 

“Oh Stiles! I missed you the most!” Cora cried out squeezing me even tighter. 

I laughed and pulled away from her not opening my eyes until my face was aligned with hers and I could just look into her eyes.  “I missed you too,” I told her. 

“Everyone’s in the back if you wanted to head out there,” I said after smiling at Cora for too long trying to avoid looking at Derek.  Cora gave me a nod and ran into the house.  I watched her through the kitchen then turned back towards Derek with my eyes toward the ground. 

He didn’t say anything, but I could feel his eyes on me.  I finally looked up and all the breath was knocked out of me.  He fucking got more gorgeous, the bastard.  His hair was just as long as it was when he left, just perfect for running my hands through it, his eyes were still the piercing hazel, but they were softer, less burdened.  His shoulder’s were even broader than before and he’s either wearing a size too small or he’s so fucking toned his shirt is clinging to him for dear life.  I didn’t recognize the expression he was giving me. I had never seen it before, but his hands were flexing by his sides like he was trying to stop himself from reaching out.  Finally one of us spoke.

“Stiles….” Derek let out.

I squared my shoulders and told myself to get it together.  “Derek…..uh…..welcome back,”  I finally said. 

He moved to reach out to me and I shuffled back slamming into the door making it fall all the way open hitting the wall behind me.  Derek recoiled back and smoothed his features.  Before either of us could make a move or say anything else I heard someone walking toward the door.

“Derek! I thought that was you, come in son,” My dad said.

Derek smiled a genuine smile and walked right past me and shook my dad’s hand pulling him in for a hug.  I closed my eyes listening to them talk as they walked into the kitchen.  I took several steadying breaths before opening my eyes and closing the door. 

I am so screwed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I did my best to play the happy host.  I talked with Isaac about New York and what he wanted to do for the summer.  I bounced over to Lydia and Kira while they talked to Liam about his first year at UCLA.  When someone tried to get Derek to join the conversation I would act like I needed to help my dad at the grill or go check on something anywhere else.  I could feel Scott watching me at times making sure I was Ok.  I could also feel Derek’s eyes on me when I left any room or immediate area he was in.  After we ate he helped clear the table so I took care of the trash.  When he helped put the tables and chairs away with Scott and Liam I helped in the kitchen with dishes.  When he came into the kitchen I went back outside.  I could get through the rest of the night by just simply avoiding him.

It wasn’t until everyone piled into the living room after everything was put away and cleaned up and dessert had been devoured that there was a major flaw in my plan.  Kira, Scott, and Isaac piled onto the couch, Liam and Lydia shared the chair, and Cora sat on the floor leaning up against the couch by Scott.  Derek was standing behind her by the window and I was standing on the opposite wall leading into the kitchen.  My arms crossed, thumbnail in my mouth, and I was looking down while the conversation went on around me.

Just because I was avoiding Derek didn’t mean I hadn’t watched him throughout the day.  I noticed him smiling more, actually laughing, and bantering back.  His eyes were clearer, he wasn’t as weighed down anymore and it was what I had hoped for him when he left.  Watching him, it seems he found the peace he needed and I was actually happy for him.  But now, as I listen to Cora talk about South America I can’t help but just stare at Derek.  He is looking down at Cora with a fond smile on his face.

“It really was great you guys.  The mountains were breathtaking and we loved hiking through them.  Derek and I would go with the other pack members to a nearby village and while me, Natalia, and Juan would teach English, Derek and Cristian would build houses, work in the garden, and fix anything that needed fixing.” Cora explained.

“Wow…never took you for the humanitarian Derek” Lydia teased.

Derek blushed a little and shook his head, “That was my favorite part about being there” he said.

The girls swooned and Cora beamed up at him.

“Ok, tell us about the hotties Cora” Kira piped up.  Scott gave her a sad face and she leaned over and kissed his nose.

“Oh….there was tons of hotties.  I had a huge crush on Cristian the first year I was with the pack, but he had eyes for someone else” she said looking back at Derek.

Another blush reached Derek’s cheeks, but instead of the fond look he scowled at her in warning.  It didn’t stop her.

“But Mr. Sourwolf himself never accepted an offer.  Casual club hookups were his thing I guess” Cora beamed at her brother and he growled out her name.

Everyone laughed and hollered out cat calls.  Derek looked up briefly meeting my eyes and then looked back to the floor.  I just continued to watch him.  I didn’t hear anything else Cora said.  I didn’t need to.  The happiness I felt for Derek earlier was slowly fading.  My eyes bore into him as I thought about him going to the club every night while I was losing my best friend back at home.  While people were dying around me, while my dad laid in the hospital dying.  I thought about him not being there to believe me when no one else did.  When my nightmares came back and when it was too hard to fall asleep at night.

The more I thought about Derek’s great time in South America the more angry I got.  He was having the time of his life while I did everything I could to forget him.  I watched him walk out the door and crumpled to the floor while he drove away with Braeden. 

My chest was rising and falling heavier now and my breathing was picking up. My hands were balled up into fists as I just stared at this new and improved Derek.  He left me four years ago and came back better and here I was just a shell of myself.  I continued to get angrier and angrier as I thought back to the months that surrounded him leaving.  If he still would have been there so many people would still be alive.  If he would have been here he would have believed me about Theo.  He would have helped me and I wouldn’t have been trapped with Donovan in the library….I wouldn’t have killed him.

At that thought I let out a sob and stumbled back into the kitchen.  My chest was starting to close up.  I heard someone calling my name and said, “just…..just need some air….” as I turned and ran out the back door.  I closed the door behind me and pushed my back against it grabbing at my chest.  It hurts…..it hurts so fucking bad. 

I heard voices through the kitchen window.

“Stop!  Just let him be.  I’ll keep an ear out for him….just…..let him have some space.” I heard Scott tell someone.

“Ok” Derek said in a low voice.

At the sound of his voice I pushed myself off the door and down through the yard into the woods.  I sank down by the first tree and tried to steady my breaths. 

“Ten….nn…..nine……” I tried pulling in breaths.  My chest hurt and it wouldn’t stop.  I was gasping for breath while tears ran down my face.  Strong arms pulled me into their chest.

“Stiles, breathe man,” a voice said.  It wasn’t Scott and it wasn’t Derek.  “Tell me what to do Stiles.  What can I do?”  It was Isaac.

“It hurts…..it hurts so fucking bad…..make it stop” I cried clutching my shirt over my heart. 

Isaac placed his hand on my chest and started to pull the pain away.  The ache in my chest eased and I was able to breathe in a little deeper.  I closed my eyes and started counting again.

“Ten…nine….eight…..”  Isaac held me through it all.  I got down to one and my chest didn’t hurt as bad and I was able to take in breaths.  Isaac sat behind me with his arm wrapped around me while I cried.

“Stiles….wake up man,” Isaac was tugging on my arm trying to get me to my feet.  I blinked trying to orient myself.  We were still in the woods outside of my house. 

“Sorry dude,” I said as I stood not meeting Isaac’s eyes.

He just shook his head, “Don’t even worry about it man, you ok?”

“No,” I said without thinking. “I mean…I’m fine right now…thanks,” I corrected.

We walked into the house and it was empty except Scott sitting at the kitchen table.

“Where is everyone?” I asked.

Scott just shook his head, “Your dad took my mom home, and Derek left right after you went outside. Cora went with Lydia and Kira, and Liam left about 30 minutes ago.”

“Oh,” I said sitting at the kitchen table.  Isaac walked into the living room giving us a chance to talk.  I couldn’t meet Scott’s eyes.  I felt too guilty about ruining his pack reunion. 

“What the hell happened dude?  One minute you were ok, and the next, I could just smell your anger and resentment building and your heart rate speeding up.  When I looked up at you it was like you were trying to melt Derek’s face off with your eyes.” Scott said.

I took a deep breath and rubbed my face with my hands, “I don’t know Scott….just hearing Cora talk about everything it made me mad.”

“Why?” Scott asked.

I just shook my head.  What could I say? Because how dare he move on and heal without me? How dare he leave me here to deal with my fucked up life while he found peace and removed all his burdens? Why wasn’t he here to have my back like he had been so many times before?  It was irrational to blame Derek for what my life was after he left, but I couldn’t help it.  It was my default and has been for the past four years. 

“I’ll figure it out,” I told him instead looking at the table.

Scott just stared at me. “Please do,” he said. “Not because tonight was awkward watching you avoiding him, but because you need to for your own sake.” He said again putting his arm around my shoulder. 

I just nodded in agreement. I know he is right. I just didn’t know where to start. Once I convinced Scott that I would be ok, he and Isaac left.  I went up to my room and took a shower trying to wash the shit show that was today off of me. 

I lay on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.  This wasn’t Derek’s fault, I knew it wasn’t, but it’s so much easier to have someone else to blame than to look myself in the mirror.  I closed my eyes chasing the sleep that had eluded me the night before.


	7. Chapter 7

Derek

 

I tried to ignore the smell of anger and his rising heart rate, but I could feel it hitting me like waves crashing.  He let out a sob and my eyes snapped up like everyone else’s.  He mumbled something about needing air and I followed him into the kitchen.  Every bone in my body and every inch of my skin needing to comfort him, to draw out the pain. 

“Stop!  Just let him be.  I’ll keep an ear out for him….just…..let him have some space,”  Scott yelled after me as I made it into the kitchen. 

I froze in place torn on what to do.  Everything in my body was willing me to go after him, but Scott is the Alpha now….my Alpha and he knows Stiles and what he needs right now more than I ever could.  I dropped my head and closed my eyes.

“Ok” I said in a low voice feeling defeated. 

Scott walked over to me and placed his hand on my shoulder.  “Just give him some time Derek….these past few years haven’t been the best for him.” 

I felt the struggle in Scott to want to say more, but to stay loyal to his friend.  I just nodded and followed him back into the living room. 

I could hear Stiles struggling to catch his breath.  I looked over at Cora and she was looking at me with worry all over her face and I offered her a small smile even though I felt just as she looked.  Scott gave Isaac a look and he stood up trying for subtle, but we all knew where he was going.  He picked up some plates and headed into the kitchen with no real sense of urgency, but as soon as he was out of sight I heard him open the back door and rush to Stiles.  I heard Stiles say he hurt and start crying and couldn’t take it anymore.

“I need to go,” I said much harsher than I had intended. 

Cora looked up at me worried, but started to stand up to go with me.

“You could stay with us tonight Cora,” Lydia spoke up from where she was sitting with Liam.  “Kira and I were going to have a sleepover at my house and then go shopping in the morning. We would love for you to join us.”

Cora looked up at me and I nodded.  She gave me a tight hug and told me she loved me.  I said “me too” waved a goodbye and tried not to run out of the front door. 

I couldn’t go back to the loft so I drove out to the preserve.  There was nothing but the foundation of the new house finished, but sometimes I slept out here.  When we came back 6 weeks ago we decided to stay at the loft until the house was finished, but it felt haunted.  Even more than being out in the preserve did.  The ghosts of the night I left, of who I used to be, who Stiles used to be. 

To say time changes people would be an understatement.  He was older and his body more filled out-- broad shoulders, thick neck, trim waist, and his hair longer.  His eyes were the same smooth amber, but they held so much behind them.  His smile was forced, his laugh strained, and his shoulders tense.  But I couldn’t tell if it was because of me or if that was Stiles now.  I didn’t know which one would be easier to handle. 

To know what kind of friendship we used to have, how easy it used to be, and then to feel how tonight went.  He actively avoided me without trying to be obvious about it, the only time he spoke to me was when I first got there, and then he looked like he wanted to murder me.  Like my very existence was hurting him, and I didn’t understand it.

I knew he hurt when I left, and according to Scott and even Cora a few years back, he hasn’t had the best time.  But I don’t understand what it had to do with me. I don’t know what I was expecting coming home and seeing him for the first time.  I knew it wouldn’t be like it was.  I knew it would take time, but I didn’t expect this.  I didn’t expect to feel like it hurt him just to look at me.  Because before I left Colombia I promised Marianna I would trust myself, trust my wolf, and follow my heart whether it lead to hurt or not and I wanted to keep that promise more than anything.  But every instinct is telling me to go to Stiles, to apologize for whatever it is I did and to make it right, to make him mine.  I just don’t know that he is ready or if he would even want that. 

It’s taken me almost four years to weed through all my shit and I am finally in a place where I feel lighter, but if there is one person that could break me, it’s Stiles—and that scares the shit out of me.

I laid down in what will be the living room and stared up at the star covered night.  I’ve waited four years to come home….I would wait longer for Stiles.

I woke up to a few texts.  Two from Cora asking if I was Ok and letting me know she would be gone through dinner and one from Scott asking if I wanted to train later.  I texted them both back, but didn’t confirm anything with Scott.  I needed to run and was hungry. 

After running through the preserve for a couple of hours I drove into town to get an order to go from the diner and then made my way to the loft to shower.  After eating I couldn’t handle being inside anymore so I went back out to the preserve.  I sent a text out to Scott to let him know I would be working on the house if he wanted to stop by. 

I worked on the house for hours focusing on what needed to be done.  Just as I stopped to take a break I heard a car coming up the road.  Scott and Liam got out of the car with bags of food.  Perfect. I was starving. 

“Place looks good,” Scott called out.

I chuckled. “There’s nothing really there,” I countered.

“Progress,” Scott countered back. 

I couldn’t even argue with that.  I exchanged a “hello” with Liam and eyed the bags they were holding.  They both laughed and gestured for us to sit over by a tree in the shade.  Scott pulled out a couple of burgers and fries from the diner and I offered waters out of the cooler I brought out earlier.  After eating in silence I noticed Isaac wasn’t with them.

“Where’s Isaac?” I asked taking a drink of my water.

Scott looked at the ground in front of him, “Oh….uh….he went over to Stiles’ to play some video games,” he told me.

“Oh” was all I could get out.

“I figured we could get in some training with Liam.  You know….Alpha and former Alpha could teach him some things,” Scott teased ruffling Liam’s hair.

“So funny,” Liam said trying to dodge Scott.

I laughed and finished my burger.  I was up for a few more distractions.

We trained for a few hours and I was beat.  I wouldn’t be getting any more work done on the house today.  As I packed up my stuff Scott came over to me before leaving.

“What can I do?” I asked Scott in a low voice.

Scott let out a breath before replying, “Just let him work some stuff out.  We kinda ambushed him and he hasn’t had a chance to work through anything yet.  You know how his mind works so just give it some time and he’ll come around.”

Scott didn’t sound one hundred percent sure about that, but he was right about how Stiles’ mind worked.  He can’t feel cornered.  He’ll need to work this out on his own first, on his own terms.  I nodded and closed my trunk. 

“Ok….thanks man,” I said.  Scott threw his hand on my shoulder and squeezed.  I just wanted to drive to the loft, take a shower and pass out.  Maybe I could sleep for a few days and Stiles would be ready to talk.


	8. Chapter Eight

Stiles

 

I woke up the next morning with a feelings hangover.  My eyes hurt, my neck was stiff, and I had a really bad headache.  I took a long, hot shower and made my way down the stairs to eat something.  I went with the apple pie Melissa left for me and my dad and started the coffee.  I began searching for some aspirin when someone started knocking on my door. 

I froze.  Scott didn’t say he was stopping by so who could it be? If it was Derek he’d probably just go through my window, but maybe he learned some manners on his quest for healing.  As I walked to the door the stranger spoke, “It’s Isaac”. 

I let out a long breath and opened the door.  He looked a little sheepish and said, “Sorry, I should have had Scott text you first.”  When I just eyed him he continued, “I could smell your confusion and worry through the door man.”

I just nodded and stepped aside to let him in.  “So you’re on Stiles duty then?”

Isaac looked at me confused for a brief moment before he shook his head and replied, “No….I had planned on coming by this morning…..Scott had nothing to do with it.”

“Oh,” I said feeling slightly bad.  Isaac and I didn’t have any real friendship in high school, but he was there for me last night and he was pack. 

“Have you eaten breakfast yet? I’ve got apple pie and coffee on the menu this morning,” I told Isaac as we walked into the kitchen.

“I could always go for pie,” he replied with a big smile on his face.  I nodded and pulled the pie back out to cut him a slice.  While that was heating up I poured him a cup of coffee.

“You want me to take care of that?” He asked when I placed the pie and coffee in front of him.

I looked at him like he was crazy.

“Your headache…….I can sense the tension and pain….” He trailed off.

“Oh…..uh…..no dude that’s fine, I was just about to take some aspirin when you knocked,” I explained.

Isaac just shook his head and grabbed my hand.  I watched black veins crawl up his arm and the tension and headache eased.  He moved his hand and I offered him a shy smile of thanks.

We ate in silence for awhile.  It wasn’t awkward and he wasn’t looking at me trying to gauge how I was or looking like he wanted to ask me anything.  He just made small sounds of satisfaction as he took bite after bite of the apple pie.

“You want me to leave you two alone?” I laughed.

Isaac smiled and said, “Sorry man….but no one makes better apple pie than Mrs. McCall.” 

I couldn’t argue there.  Before I could say anything else Isaac spoke again.

“Hey….sorry if I’m interrupting your day, but Scott is with Liam and I think he wants to meet up with Derek later to train, but I’m on vacation and plan on doing none of that, so if you’re free would you be cool with hanging out?”

“I have no plans dude. I’d love the company,” I told him.

Isaac let out a sigh of relief.  I think he was expecting me to kick him out or have other plans.  My plans for the day consisted of not leaving the house for any reason.

“Sweet……we can play video games…I’m much better than Scott so you might actually have to try to win,” Isaac bantered.

“Oh, it’s on dude,” I bantered back.

Isaac wasn’t lying when he said he was better than Scott.  He kicked my ass the first three games before I started to take his skill level seriously.  I finally started winning and for hours we laughed and talked shit and my mind was clear of everything but trying to kick his ass. 

It felt good to be able to hang out with someone who wasn’t waiting for you to do something out of character or have them watching you every now and then wondering where your head was at.  I was genuinely enjoying myself and it helped me feel lighter than I have in a long time. 

We finally decided to take a break after we were even in wins almost four hours later. 

“Pizza?” I asked while walking to the kitchen for some sodas.

“Yessss…..I’m starving,” Isaac replied dramatically.

I chuckled, “Does the werewolf want a meat lovers?”

“I’m a vegetarian,” he replied completely deadpan. 

I burst out laughing and Isaac finally broke and started laughing too.

“I don’t remember you being this funny in high school,” I told him.

“I wasn’t,” Isaac said back. He was smiling, but there was sadness in his eyes.

“Combination?” I asked trying to sidestep the mood that was creeping in.

“Sounds good,” Isaac agreed.

As I ordered the pizza Isaac sat at the table just staring at his hands.  After the order was placed and they told me it’d be there in 45 minutes, I took a seat across from Isaac at the table and waited for him to say what he was working up to say.

“After I left, I had nightmares almost every night.” Isaac started.  He was still looking down at his hands and I just watched him, listening to his story.  “I saw Allison die over and over some nights, and other’s I would relive the horrors my dad put me through.  I was so claustrophobic I couldn’t ride in the elevators or even walk in stairwells.  I started only going out at night so I could climb the walls to get in certain places.”

Isaac paused, but I didn’t dare speak.  I just continued to watch him roll his fingers around themselves as he started again.  “Even during the day I agonized over Allison’s death and what we could have done differently to save her.  I blamed myself for not being able to stop it, I blamed Scott because he was the Alpha and it was his job to protect her, I blamed Lydia for not being clearer in her warning.  She should have told her, ‘You are going to die tonight, don’t come’. I blamed Allison for not being smart enough to understand that’s what Lydia meant. I blamed Chris for letting his daughter grow up and be a hunter. And I blamed you.”

My eyes snapped up to meet his, but he still wasn’t looking up.  He took a deep breath before continuing.  “Chris finally got worried enough and had a friend of his come over one night.  He was a therapist that specialized in the Supernatural I guess.” Isaac laughed a little.  “He told me to talk out loud; to say everything that I said in my head to him.  I paced, and I cried, and I yelled until dawn and he just listened.  I spoke about my dad, losing my mom, becoming a werewolf, finding a pack, and losing Allison.  At the end, I sat down and just looked at him.  He didn’t say anything for a long time.  We just stared at each other.  Finally he said, ‘That’s a lot of shit for an eighteen year old to carry.  You have to remember that in a lot of ways you are still a kid and just because you are a werewolf, you are still human.’”

Isaac met my eyes when he said that last sentence, took a deep breath and said, “It took me a long time to understand what he meant, Stiles.  Underneath everything that had happened to me, everything I had become—being a werewolf and having heightened senses and strength, I was still just a human.  And humans hurt, and they bleed, and they have scars just like anyone else.  But it wasn’t until I accepted that I wasn’t perfect.  That none of us were.  Everyone has skeletons in their past that have the potential to cripple them.  That what makes people different is deciding whether we let them hide in the shadows or live with us daily that I started to heal.”

Isaac had tears running down his cheeks and I noticed so did I.  I broke eye contact and neither of us spoke for a few minutes.  Isaac broke the silence again.  “I don’t know what happened yesterday, but I can guess.  It’s not my business unless you want it to be and I will be there for you every time no questions asked.  But seeing you last night was like looking in the mirror three years ago.  I had the opportunity to leave Beacon Hills behind and work out my issues and from what I heard last night so did Derek.  You, Scott, and Lydia never got that chance.  You continued to live through hell while we healed.  I just hope that you can find the time to do the same.”

I didn’t say anything and Isaac wasn’t expecting me to.  He didn’t tell me his story for me to reply or comment.  He told me because I needed to hear it.  I needed someone removed enough from the situation and my life that I could really listen to what he had to say. 

The doorbell rang indicating the pizza was here.  Isaac popped up and said, “My treat”, while heading to the door.  When he came back I had cleaned up my face and grabbed fresh sodas.  We set up in the living room to continue our quest to break the tie.  Neither of us talked about the past or brought up what Isaac had said.  We were back to shit talking and trying to win for another couple of hours.

That night I thought about everything Isaac had told me.  One thing that stuck out was that I haven’t been living this hell alone.  Scott and Lydia lost just as much as I did.  We all had our own skeletons waiting to come out of the shadows.  I fell asleep determined to start getting my shit together when I woke up.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Stiles' POV, he runs into Derek and attempts to be a grown up--failing.

Stiles

 

When I said I was going to get my shit together what I really meant was that I was going to continue to hang out with Isaac determined to best him in video games.  Scott and Liam joined in for a bit before meeting up with Kira and Lydia or going out to the preserve.  There were only brief mentions of Derek, and I did my best to school my features and not let it affect me.  I took better notice and care of what I said to Scott and the rest of the pack and I think they noticed.  When Scott smiled at me there weren’t questions in his eyes and when I gave Lydia a hug before leaving the house one afternoon she squeezed me a little tighter.

I was still working on my feelings for Derek.  So when I was at the diner enjoying breakfast with my dad two days after my talk with Isaac I wasn’t fully prepared to see him.  My back was turned to the door, but I felt eyes on me first.  My back stiffened and my shoulders were tight.  My dad glanced up and waved inviting him over.  I’m really going to have to talk to my dad about this new found friendship they have.  I kept my eyes on the table and saw Derek come to a stop in front of our booth out of the corner of my eye.

“Sheriff,” Derek spoke.  It sounded tight, but friendly.

“John….call me John,” My dad replied.  I felt both their eyes on me so I finally looked up to meet Derek’s eyes. 

“Morning Derek,” I rushed out with a nod.

“Morning,” he replied back in a low tone. 

“We just got our food. Why don’t you pull up a chair and stay a bit?” My dad asked daring me to protest. I just picked up my cup of coffee willing it to stop shaking.

“Oh…that’s Ok…I was just grabbing a to go order before heading out to the house,”  Derek replied.

“Well, bring it over for a minute.  I’d love to hear how the house building is going,” my dad replied.

Derek looked at me for confirmation and I offered a small nod.  He turned to my dad and offered a small nod of his own and left to grab his bag.  I turned to my dad and mouthed “Seriously?!?” and my dad mouthed back “Seriously! Quit being an ass”.  I slouched down in my seat and took a big bite of pancake.

Derek came back and pulled up a chair to sit at the end of the booth.  I was so relieved because I would have made him sit on my dad’s side.  I’m sitting right in the middle of the seat with my legs spread as wide as they could go.  Sorry dude, no room for you.

“So, tell me about the house,” my dad said to Derek.  I continued to eat my pancakes and sip my coffee.

“It’s going well so far.  I’ve decided to hire a crew to help about four days a week.   I’m hoping to be out of the loft by Thanksgiving,” Derek told my dad.

“That sounds great Derek, good for you,” my dad told him.  Silence stretched and I could feel eyes on me.  My dad kicked my foot just as I was taking a sip of my coffee making me choke.  Derek automatically reached over and starting patting my back which made me cough even harder.  Derek must have understood because he pulled his arm back just as quickly as he had reached it out. 

“I’m Ok…..just the wrong pipe I guess…..” I said glaring at my dad.  At least he tried to look sorry.  Silence came back to settle and finally Derek directed a question to me.

“Any big plans for your birthday this year?  It’s a big one.”

“Yeah, I’m getting drunk and dancing the night away.  I’ve heard you’re a pro at that, would you like to come?” I said out loud.

My dad dropped his fork and Derek drew in a small breath.  I looked up to see my dad scowling at me and Derek’s eyes looking pained.  Oh shit.  I did say that out loud.  I tried to smooth my face and look as sorry as I could.  “Shit…I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean that.”

“It’s fine,” Derek bit out.

More silence crept in and I just couldn’t handle it.  I rubbed my hands over my face several times and started to move to get out of the booth.  My legs brushed Derek’s and it was like we were both zapped with electricity.  I tried even harder to get around him and mumbled something about needing the bathroom.  I almost ran to the back pushing my way through the door and bracing myself on the sink.  Ok…none of that interaction was me getting my shit together.  I took some steadying breaths and turned on the faucet to splash cold water on my face.  I dried my face and gave myself a stern look in the mirror. “Pull it together,” I told myself.

When I made it back to the table Derek was gone and my dad did not look happy. 

“What the hell was that kid?” My dad asked looking none too pleased.

“I’m sorry….It just came out,” I told him.

“You need to get it together Stiles.  I don’t know what your exact issue is with Derek, but he isn’t going anywhere so you need to figure it out.”

I glared up at him, “Whose side are you on?” I accused him.

“I’ll always have your back son, but I can also call you out for being an ass,” my dad replied.

I let out a groan and ran my hands through my hair making it stick up on all sides.  “I’m trying dad.  I don’t know what else to tell you, but I’m trying.”

My dad nodded and took my hand, “Ok kid. Ok.”

After the disaster that was breakfast I went home and tried to busy myself with laundry and cleaning my room.  That got boring quickly so I started working on another assignment.  Scott and Kira were having a date night, Isaac, Lydia, Liam, and Cora asked me if I wanted to go bowling, but I declined.  I wondered what Derek was doing and then literally slapped myself regretting it immediately. 

Just as I was closing my laptop my dad knocked on the door and came in.  I swiveled around in my desk chair to look at him.

“Hey,” I said tentatively, not sure if I was going to be lectured again for my lack of manners at breakfast.

“Hey son…” He trailed off looking toward the floor.  I sat up a little straighter and before I could ask if everything was alright he looked up at me again and said, “I’m sorry”.

I shook my head to clear it, “for what?”

“I’m sorry for pushing the Derek issue.  I know what happened at the barbeque and seeing you interact with him this morning was painful for everyone.”

I winced, “Yeah….I’m sorry about that.”

My dad waved his hand, “I guess I just got a little ahead of myself.  I’ve seen you interacting with everyone these past couple of days and I saw glimpses of the carefree Stiles.  I remember how you were before Derek left and I just thought maybe if you guys worked out your issues you could try to get there again.  I just didn’t understand the depth of your issue….”

He trailed off because he still doesn’t understand it and he wants me to enlighten him.  Well, that’s not going to happen.  But I do feel guilty.  My dad doesn’t deserve to try and piece me back together. 

“Look dad, the issues I have with Derek are going to take time, but I promise you I am trying.  I’m sorry that the pile of shit I carry around has affected you and me and if there is one thing I can tell you it’s that no matter what happens I am going to do a better job of being your son,” I told him.

I stood up and brought him in for a hug.  “I love you dad and I know you are just trying to help, but just let me do this on my own terms ok.”

My dad squeezed me hard and held on for several minutes before patting my back and saying “Ok”.

I closed my door behind my dad and felt like even more shit than I had earlier.  I really needed to work this out.

 

I decided the best way to work out my issues was to push them all down until I went back to Berkeley in eight days.  My 21 st birthday was two days away and I have been planning this for over a year with Scott.  We were going on a bar crawl in the county over ending at the Karaoke bar to end the night in drunken madness.  Liam had a fake ID and I’ve decided that I need to make this a pack thing, which means the whole pack…which means Cora…and Derek. 

So I sent out a group text that said we were meeting at my place after six that night to discuss Stiles’ Birthday Bash.  My dad is working the night shift the rest of the week so our plans will not be foiled by him.  But first, I needed to reach out to Derek.  I can’t invite him to my party after what I said.  I can always hope that he doesn’t come, but at least I’m not the asshole that didn’t invite him.

I took a deep breath and sent a text.

Stiles: Coffee?

I figured meeting in a public place on neutral ground would be the best.  It took him several minutes to reply.

Derek: Stiles? You know who you’re texting right?

I guess that’s fair.

Stiles: Yes.  Peace offering for being a dick?

Derek: Ok. 

Stiles: Coffee Shop on Main in 15?

Derek: Sounds good.

I threw my phone in my pocket and took a look at myself in the mirror.  “You only have to get through eight days dude.  You have been pretending for four years.  You can do this,” I told myself.  I grabbed my keys and made my way down the stairs and through the front door.

I’m walking into the coffee shop five minutes later and decide to order coffee for the both of us.  If he doesn’t take it black anymore then I never really knew him anyway.  Once our coffees are done I walk to the back of the shop to the table in the corner.  The place isn’t packed, but it allows for some privacy and there is an exit right next to it just in case I need it. 

Derek walks in five minutes after I arrived, looking like a fucking Calvin Klein model.  I try to school my features but I can’t help but enjoy the view for a brief moment before I see him sniff the air and turn towards me.  Our eyes meet and he offers a small smile before striding over to the table.

Before he can reach the table I say, “I hope you still like it black,” gesturing to the cup across from me.  He smiled and nodded as he sat down.

“I do thanks,” he said before taking a sip.

I looked at my coffee cup and fiddled with the lid for a brief moment before closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.  You invited him Stiles so you’ll have to be the one to talk.  I looked up at him and said in a rush, “Look. I’m sorry I’ve been a dick.”

Derek’s face stayed unreadable.  This face I didn’t miss at all.  I sighed and continued.  “A lot of shit happened after you left and to be honest I never thought I’d see you again so I’m just working some stuff out OK?  I’m not intentionally trying to be an ass; it’s just working out that way.”

He’s still just staring at me.  I groaned and mumbled, “Well it looks like some things haven’t changed.”

Still nothing.  “Are you seriously just going to convert back to your creepy ways and just stare at me?  Do you really have nothing you want to say?”

“I have plenty I want to say Stiles, but you aren’t ready to hear it,” Derek finally spoke.

“What?” I yelled.  “Have you been hanging out with Deaton?” I asked.

Derek’s lips rose up in a half smile and I got distracted for a minute.  Then I was just irritated.

“Fine dude, whatever.  Don’t say what I’m apparently not ready to hear--whatever the fuck that means.  I asked you to get coffee to apologize for being a dick and to tell you that we are planning my birthday party tonight at my house if you want to come and hear the details.”

Derek didn’t even react.  I stood up “Nice to see your social skills have improved,” I said grabbing my coffee and rushed out the exit door.

“Dick” I said knowing he could hear me.


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Derek's POV, Derek attends Stiles' birthday meeting and tries to find some common ground.

Derek

 

I chuckled to myself as I watched Stiles walk out of the exit door and storm off down the street.  I guess some things don’t change.  I still had the ability to piss him off which tells me at least one thing—he still cares.  I could work with that. 

It wasn’t my intention to sit here and stare, but I was still reeling from getting the text this morning and then sitting so close to him and actually have him looking at me, I couldn’t speak.  He looked tired, but determined.  He meant every word he said and the more irritated he got with me the more I felt like it was how it used to be.  It didn’t feel awkward or forced.  If I had to get him angry to get him to talk to me I would.  I would rather have him yelling at me then avoiding me and acting like he can’t even stomach the sight of me.  Because getting him talking will help me understand exactly what’s bothering him.

I sat at the coffee shop for another twenty minutes sipping my coffee before heading out to the preserve to meet with the crew that will be helping me build the house.  I would be going to Stiles’ later.  I’ve already missed too many birthdays; I wouldn’t be missing any more.

Cora texted me as I got out of the shower to let me know she would meet me at Stiles’ later.  She was hanging out with the girls, Isaac, and Liam.  I was happy to see that Cora has been welcomed back so easily.  I always worry that she will regret coming home, but so far she has been content.

As I made my way to Stiles’ front door I could hear everyone inside laughing, even Stiles.  It didn’t seem as forced as it has and it made me feel relieved.  Before I could knock, Scott was opening the door.

“Hey man, you’re just in time for the presentation,”  Scott laughed as he moved aside to let me in.

“Presentation?” I asked confused.

Scott just chuckled and nodded toward the living room.  I followed him curious as to what kind of presentation would be happening.  Stiles was standing up with a poster board propped up on a chair in front of the TV, Scott walked to the chair and pulled Kira on his lap, Liam, Lydia, and Cora were on the couch and Isaac was sitting on the floor in front of Cora.  I just stood up against the wall.

“Sweet…now that everyone is here we can begin,” Stiles said.

Someone groaned and Stiles glared. 

“As I was saying…..Let’s go over my birthday bash plan.”  He turned the poster board around and there were several bullet points and a drawing I couldn’t make out on the bottom.

“Step one…feed me tacos at Enrique’s and buy me drinks,” Stiles paused and looked around waiting for someone to say something.  No one did.  Satisfied he continued.

“Step two…we will begin our bar crawl at the J Street Bar and work our way down the block.  You will buy me drinks and get me wasted.  If I look like I’m going to puke, heal that shit and buy me another drink,” Stiles stared down the werewolves sitting not looking at me.

“I don’t even know if we can do that,” Scott said.

“Well….you better figure it out, because I plan on drinking A LOT,” Stiles replied. 

Scott just shook his head.  “We’ll try dude,” Scott conceded. 

“Step three…end the night at the Karaoke bar.  Girls, Single Ladies is first.  Scott, we are then doing the Top Gun routine—I’M Maverick!”  Stiles pinned Scott with a stare daring him to argue.  Scott just sighed and nodded.

“Perfect,” Stiles said.  Before he could continue Isaac shouted, “What the hell is that picture on the bottom?”

Stiles turned to the poster, “Oh! Yes….step four….since I’ll be wasted one of the werewolves will be carrying me home.” Again, Stiles surveyed the room not looking in my direction. 

Scott and Lydia pointed to Isaac, Isaac, Liam, and Kira pointed to Scott, and Cora pointed to me.  Stiles’ gaze flicked up to mine for the first time since I arrived and I couldn’t read his expression.  He looked away and threw up his hands.

“Really guys? I don’t care which one does it, but I don’t plan on walking home,” Stiles said.

“What if you meet someone? Maybe they’ll be in charge of taking you home,” Lydia said making Stiles’ blush a little.  That made my stomach bottom out and I had to suppress a growl.

“I’m not looking for that,” Stiles said to the floor.

“Sometimes it happens when you aren’t looking,” Kira said smiling up at Scott, he smiled back.

“Anyway,” Stiles said to hopefully change the subject.  I looked over and Cora was staring at me trying to read me.  I offered her a small smile and she gave me one of her own.

“Any questions?” Stiles asked.

“Not so much a question, but a statement,” Lydia spoke up.  Stiles just stared at her to continue.  “I’m taking you shopping tomorrow,” she finished.

“What? Why?” Stiles almost cried out.

Lydia just gestured to him with her hand sweeping up and down his body as if that explained everything.  Stiles followed her gaze while everyone offered small laughs.

“What’s wrong with my clothes?”  Stiles asked the room at large.

Lydia just rolled her eyes, “Just think of it as your birthday present,” she said.

“But I don’t want any presents!” He protested with a pout.

“Since when?” Everyone seemed to ask at the same time.  We all started to laugh except for Stiles.

“Since I plan on paying for nothing tomorrow.  That’s all you guys.  Seriously, don’t get me anything,” Stiles said trying for stern. 

Everyone agreed half-heartedly and silence fell over the room for the first time.

“Well, I told my parents I would be home early tonight since I’ll be out all night tomorrow,” Liam said breaking the silence.  He stood up offering hugs and left with a last wave to the room.

Scott and Kira looked at each other before Scott said, “Yeah…uh….we’re going to head out too.” Kira blushed and looked away.

Isaac started to stand and asked the room “Anyone down for ice cream?”   Cora stood up with an enthusiastic “Me!” while Lydia shook her head.  Cora gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me not to wait up and I glared at Isaac communicating that if he touched my sister I would gut him.  Isaac got it.  His eyes widened and he swallowed before nodding one sharp nod and walking out.

Lydia looked at me then at Stiles deciding who was going to be the last one to leave.  Stiles took down his poster board and looked everywhere but in my direction.  Lydia finally realized I wasn’t moving and turned toward Stiles.

“Pick me up at nine tomorrow and we can get coffee before we go shopping Ok?” she told him leaning in for a hug.  Stiles groaned dramatically, but had a smile on his face.

“Oh quit pretending like you don’t want to spend time with me,” she told him pulling back.

“Ok Ok...I’ll be there,” Stiles smiled at her.  I wanted him to smile at me like that.  I wondered if he still pined away for her like he used to. 

Lydia placed her hand on his cheek and slapped his face a few times affectionately making them both laugh.  She turned toward me and although she was smiling there was a warning in her eyes.  I offered her a nod and she walked out the door.

Stiles and I stood on opposite sides of the room.  He was looking down and I was staring at him.  Finally, the silence became too much for him to bear and he looked up throwing his hands in the air yelling, “Are you really just going to keep staring at me? I’m not doing this again!”

“Doing what?” I asked.  I knew what he meant, but wanted to push just a little.

“Seriously? This morning dude!” He yelled again using his hands as emphasis.  “If you aren’t going to talk to me then just leave!”

“What do you want me to say Stiles?” I asked wondering if he would actually answer me honestly.

“What?” He said first then stuttered, “I don’t….I don’t WANT you to say anything! I’m just saying I don’t want you just fucking standing there staring at me! If you have something to say then fucking say it or you might as well go too.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  Stiles wasn’t going to say anything.  He wasn’t ready and he definitely wasn’t ready to hear what I wanted to tell him.  I opened my eyes and said, “I’m sorry Stiles, I didn’t come here to make you uncomfortable.  I just wanted to say thank you.”

Stiles narrowed his eyes at me and crossed his arms over his chest. “For what?” he asked skeptically.

“For reaching out this morning and for inviting me to your birthday party.  I just wanted you to know I appreciate it,” I told him genuinely.

“Oh,” Stiles said breaking eye contact and crossing his arms tighter around himself.  “It’s not a big deal,” he mumbled to the floor.

I took a step forward then stopped when Stiles looked up sharply with wide eyes. “It is to me,” is all I said.  Stiles looked down again squeezing even tighter.  He started to nod his head, “yeah…ok….umm….you’re welcome then,” he mumbled softly.

“I’ll see on your birthday Stiles,” I said and made my way toward the door without waiting for his reply.  Just as I was closing the door behind me I heard Stiles whisper, “Ok”.

I shut the door and made my way to my Camaro taking in a lungful of night air and letting it out slowing.  I count that as a win.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Stiles' POV, Lydia and Stiles go shopping.

Stiles

 

I woke up feeling more energized than I have since I’ve been on Spring Break.  I got my new license in the mail this morning saying that I was going to be officially 21 tomorrow and I was headed to pick up Lydia.  Although I wasn’t too excited about going shopping, this is the first time Lydia and I have spent time together just the two of us since high school. 

As soon as I pulled up in her driveway she sauntered out of her front door looking fresh and ready to do some serious shopping.  I swallowed hard and tried to prepare myself for the shit show that was about to take place.

“Morning,” she greeted me as she climbed in the passenger seat.  She took in my expression and scrunched up her nose at me asking, “What’s wrong?”

“You seem peppy this morning.  That scares me a little bit,” I told her with my most serious face.

She barked out a laugh, “Oh stop it! We are going to have a great time!” She beamed at me.  I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Fine, get me coffee woman,” I told her putting the Jeep in drive and heading for the mall.  We could just grab coffee there before the torture began.  Lydia just laughed and turned to stare out the front window

Music played softly in the background, but for the most part we rode to the mall in companionable silence.  We grabbed our coffees and sat at a table to enjoy the deliciousness before I let Lydia go crazy.

“Are you excited?” Lydia asked me as we sat down.

“Totally, I’ve been waiting for this birthday for a long time!” I told her.  She shook her head eyeing me from the rim of her coffee cup.

“It’s nice having the pack together again,” she replied.  I knew what she was referring to—whom rather and chose to ignore her.

“So how much trouble am I in? Just new pair of jeans and a new plaid shirt?”

She narrowed her eyes at me knowing what I was doing, but decided not to call me out.  “No plaid Stiles!” She said instead.

“Come on! I rock plaid!” I protested.

“No,” she said sternly.

I let out a deep breath and slouched in my chair.  “Fine,” I relented.

She offered me a smug smile and took a sip of her coffee.  We sat and talked about how fast Spring Break was going and that we would be going back to our respective schools soon.  Lydia told me she never thought she’d say it, but she missed Beacon Hills, especially now that everyone was together.  This was the first time they were all together without a major crisis or dead bodies piling up.  I agreed, at least about the dead bodies part, and we threw our coffees away and walked to where the main stores were.

“So…I don’t think you should get too dressed up.  You’ll be drinking, dancing, and it’ll get hot and you’re a sweater,” Lydia said scrunching up her nose at that last part.

“I don’t sweat that bad.” I told her.  She just gave me a look out of the corner of her eye.  “Ok, maybe a little,” I agreed.

Lydia turned back to looking through the racks.  This was our fifth store and she had vetoed everything I had liked and wasn’t satisfied with anything else. 

“Ah…here,” she shoved a dark blue long sleeved button down shirt in my hands.

“Dude, what about the sweat factor?” I asked.

Lydia rolled her eyes, “Feel the material Stiles; it’s so soft and light.  Also, the color is dark so when you do sweat it won’t be super noticeable.  You can roll up the sleeves as far as you want to help as well.”

I shrugged, “Ok”.

Lydia walked past me to the jeans and threw two different pair at me.  “Try these fits and colors with the shirt and then let me see you,” she said.

“Ohhh…I get to model for you?” I said wiggling my eyebrows.  Lydia gave me an exasperated look and started pushing me toward the dressing room.

I changed into the lighter pair of jeans and shirt and as soon as I walked out Lydia shook her head and waved me back into the dressing room. I didn’t even get to do my walk and turn I had planned.  I changed into the jeans that were a shade darker than the blue shirt I had on, tucked in the shirt, rolled up my sleeves to just under my elbows and walked out determined to do my walk no matter what Lydia thought.

I came out of the dressing room and started my walk toward her. Lydia’s eyes went wide and a slow smile started to form on her lips.

“Yes,” is all she said.

I stopped at the look on her face and looked down. “Yeah? The shirt isn’t too tight?” I asked.

“Oh no, it’s perfect.  You’ve definitely filled out since high school Stiles.  Now you just need a black belt and shoes,” she told me.

“I don’t need shoes,” I replied.  “I can wear my Converse.”

“No you can’t,” she said glaring at me.

I just rolled my eyes knowing I wasn’t winning this argument, did my twirl and walked back into the dressing room.  Once I had changed back into my clothes I let Lydia pick out a belt and buy it.  It took us another three stores before finding shoes.  I was freaking exhausted. 

I dropped Lydia off almost six hours from when I picked her up that morning and headed home.  Eat or sleep? I asked myself.  I figured the pretzel I had at the mall would be fine since my dad was making me a big dinner tonight.  I made it home, threw the bags that carried my new wardrobe on my desk, and fell on my bed finding sleep easily.

I woke up several hours later with the sudden urge to pee.  I got up quickly and made my way to the bathroom.  After washing my hands I followed the smell of deliciousness down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“That smells so damn good,” I told my dad upon entering the kitchen.

He just chuckled and said, “Happy Early Birthday”, while placing plates on the table.  I walked over to the counter and took a deep breath--burgers and curly fries…my mouth was watering.

We ate in silence because I was so starved I couldn’t do anything but focus on eating.  Once I started on my second burger I finally had enough time between bites to speak.

“Thanks for this dad.  It’s soo good,” I said smiling up at him.

My dad smiled back, “Of course kiddo.” He paused before saying again, “You excited for tomorrow?”

“You know I am dad,” I laughed.

He laughed too nodding his head in agreement.  “Just be safe son.  I’m working the night shift for the next few nights and I know you’ll be in the county over so just don’t be dumb.”

I just looked up at him like, “uhh….”

He laughed again, “Ok, more specifically, don’t get in a fight, don’t get arrested, don’t end up with alcohol poisoning, and don’t get dead.” He leveled me with the “I mean it” look.

“Got it covered, Dad,” I smiled at him reassuringly. 

My dad just shook his head not fully believing one or all of those things might happen tomorrow.  We talked about the plan minus the getting me totally shit faced part and I continued to reassure him that I would not go overboard—too overboard. 

We ended up watching a movie after dinner until my dad had to leave for work.  I finished cleaning the kitchen and finally made my way up to my room just before midnight.  Even with my nap I felt drained.  Tomorrow I would be 21.  There were times in high school I wondered if I would even make it to this birthday.  I think that’s why it’s so important to me to celebrate.  And that I’m officially legal and it is a rite of passage. 

I took my jeans and shirt off and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face before bed.  As soon as I turned off my light and got comfortable under my blankets my phone chimed indicating a new message.  I looked at my alarm clock and it read 12:00.  Must be Scott, he always wanted to be the first person to wish me a Happy Birthday since we met.  I opened the message and had to blink several times to make sure I was reading it correctly.

Derek: Happy 21 st Birthday Stiles.  I hope tonight is everything you want it to be.

I read the message over and over.  First yesterday with him being all appreciative and now this? Ehh.  Ok, deep breath.  Just type back a simple reply, no big deal.  I took a deep breath and typed out a reply.

Stiles: Thank you.

See.  Done.  Just as I was getting ready to put my phone back on the nightstand I received another incoming text.

Scott: Happy Birthday Bro! Can’t wait to celebrate tonight!

Stiles: Thanks dude! Me too!

I typed back remembering the last time Derek had beat Scott to wishing me a happy day.  I settled back into bed and sent out a quiet plea, “Please let tonight go well.”


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Stiles' POV, Stiles and the Pack celebrate his birthday!

Stiles

 

I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to party.  My dad came home and made me birthday pancakes, and Scott and Isaac stopped by to bring me the latest video games and we proceeded to kick each other’s asses. Well, Scott played while Isaac and I tried to best each other. It was a good day so far. I received text messages throughout the day from the pack and friends from college and I felt good.  It had me a little anxious.  I haven’t felt like this in awhile so I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  But I pushed that thought aside because I’m 21 now and I have major partying to do later and adulting can wait until tomorrow.

I hopped in the shower around five to start getting ready.  I was going to take extra care to make sure Lydia’s nice outfit doesn’t go to waste.  I took an extra long shower, shaved what little I had growing on my handsome baby face and dressed.  I put some gel in my hair and tried to make it look like I put some effort into it.  I stood back and examined my appearance.  I had the dark jeans on that weren’t skinny jeans, but slim cut.  My dark blue button-up shirt was tucked into my jeans and sleeves rolled just like I had shown Lydia in the store.  I had on a black belt and black dress boots.  The shirt clung to my chest exposing my broad shoulders, chiseled—ok, maybe toned is a better word, chest and abs, and trimmed waist.  I no longer have the tall, lanky teenage boy body, but have filled out quite a bit.  I looked damn handsome if I said so myself. 

Before heading downstairs I double checked to see that I had; my wallet with my new ID, some cash, and my house key.  We were all meeting at my house and Isaac was driving his rental with me, Scott, and Kira while Derek would drive Cora, Liam, and Lydia.  I gave myself one last look in the mirror, winked, then walked down the stairs. 

Just as I made it to the end of the stairs Scott was walking through the door without knocking.  Trailing behind him were Isaac and Kira. 

“Whoa…you clean up nice!” Scott said surprised when he saw me.  Kira whistled and Isaac did a cat call.

“Thank Lydia,” I laughed.  I hugged everyone as they made it through the door and just as I was going to shut it, Cora came bouncing up the steps.

“Daammnnn Stiles! You look smokin’,” Cora said, hugging me tight.  I blushed a little and offered her small thanks telling her she looked good too.  Isaac agreed, if him staring at her was any indication. I chuckled and shook my head looking toward the door just in time to see Derek.  Holy shit.  He looked fucking hot.  My eyes went a little wide and I swallowed hard before I was able to school my features.  He was wearing almost black jeans rolled up at the bottom, black boots, a tight as fuck black Henley, and his leather jacket.  He trimmed the stubble around his face and I itched to touch it. 

Derek looked me up and down so slowly I thought I was going to convulse under the pressure.  When he made it back up to my eyes they were hooded and he swallowed hard.  The way he was looking at me was so fucking intense I had to look away.  Everyone had already made their way into the living room so I turned around without any further greeting beside eye fucking him and walked to the kitchen.  I needed water.  I got myself a glass and stood at the kitchen sink gripping the sides trying to steady my breathing. 

Derek looked at me the way I looked at him and it had me on edge.  I can pretend for one night that I don’t want to drag him into the corner and touch him everywhere and feel him pressed against me and….

“There you are birthday boy!” Lydia called out from behind me dragging me out of my thoughts.  I yelped and dropped my glass in the sink.

“Holy shit you scared me!” I yelled out.

Lydia giggled and ignored me saying, “You look hot Stiles.  I did well.”

I tried for a laugh, but made some weird noise instead. She eyed me while I shook my head trying to get a hold of myself. 

“Thanks,” I said walking over to her and pulling her into a hug to give myself a little more time to calm down. 

“Let’s get this party started, dude!!” Scott called from the living room.  I laughed and walked with my arm around Lydia into the living room.  “Yes, Let’s,” I said.

We ate at Enrique’s and proceeded to do tequila shots even though the werewolves weren’t affected.  So really only Lydia and I were tipsy after dinner.  We walked a few blocks to J Street Bar and grabbed a booth towards the back corner. 

“Man….it sucks that you guys can’t get drunk with us.  I should have thought about that,” I said once we all sat down.  I was in the middle next to Lydia and Isaac. Cora was to Isaac’s right and Derek next to her while Liam, Scott, and Kira were to my left. 

“Oh….don’t you worry about that.  I’ve got us covered,” Cora said pulling out a large bottle of pink liquid from her purse.”

“What is that?” Liam asked.

“Oh just a little wolfsbane cocktail my old emissary whipped up for me before I left.”

“Marianna?” Derek asked.  Cora nodded with a devious smile.

At the mention of the emissary from the South American pack I felt instantly irritated.  I wanted a drink.

“Is that enough for all of us?” Kira asked.

“Oh trust me; it only takes a little bit to help you feel the effects, right Derek?” She said as she grinned over at her brother.

“Right,” Derek mumbled.

Irritation shot through me while I imagined Derek drinking that shit and grinding all over the club with a bunch of random people.  I waved over a waitress who had a tray full of liquid filled tubes.  When she approached I told her we’d take the whole tray.  I felt everyone’s eyes on me and barely noticed Derek telling the waitress to put it on his tab. 

I took one immediately and downed it before grabbing another with everyone else.  Cora passed the bottle of wolfsbane around for all the werewolves and Kira to put a drop or two in their tubes.  When it got to Derek he shook his head.

“Oh come on!” Everyone protested around me.  Derek said, “Someone’s got to be the responsible one.”

A snort left my nose as I laughed in irritation. “That’s perfect coming from the person who walked away,” I said downing another tube not waiting for my friend’s to join me.  I felt stares on me and Isaac tense beside me.  I didn’t even care.  Lydia must not have heard me with the music being so loud because she handed me another tube and raised hers in a toast.

“To Stiles!” She yelled.

Everyone raised their tubes and yelled “To Stiles” and downed their drinks.  I could feel Derek’s eyes on me but refused to look up. 

“Now let’s dance!” Lydia yelled.  I was all too happy to agree and get the hell away from the gorgeous man boring a hole into me.

We piled onto the dance floor and danced together for about an hour before heading to the next bar on the list.  We stayed there for another hour and ventured on.

Throughout the night we drank and danced together while Derek watched on.  I felt a little bad, but then I would tell myself that he got plenty of practice doing this in Colombia, so fuck him.  Every now and then one of the werewolves would come dance with me and pull some of my drunkenness away so I was always just barely past tipsy. 

When we were at the fourth bar; however, everyone was too wasted to notice that I was way past where I needed to be.  Scott and Kira were cuddled at the table, Isaac and Cora were dancing together, Lydia found some guy to dance with while Liam found several girls to keep him occupied.  Although I had been approached by several different guys and girls throughout the night while dancing, I never let it get crazy.  But now I was drunk and this girl was really pretty so when she got a little dirty, I couldn’t help but get a little dirty back. 

All of the sudden, I felt a hard body behind me.  The girl looks up, smiles, then frowns, meeting my eyes before walking away. I turn around to see Derek standing directly behind me.  We are so close our chests are almost touching.  Derek locks eyes with me, puts his arms around me, pulls me in, and starts to take my drunkenness away.  I lean into him savoring the way his body feels against mine.  I feel his stubble on my cheek, hear him take a deep breath taking in my scent.  As the alcohol-induced fog starts to lift, I realize what’s going on and push against Derek’s chest and almost run back to the table where Isaac and Cora have now joined Scott and Kira.  Cora’s eyes are on me, but I don’t dare make eye contact. 

I sit down next to Scott and ask the passing waitress for water.  Derek slowly makes his way back to the table sitting beside Cora on the opposite side of the table.  Just as the waitress brings me my water, Lydia sits down next to me.  Her face is flushed and she is smiling.  She looks down at my water and frowns.

“Don’t tell me you’re done already?” She yells.

I just shook my head, “Just taking a break.”  She nodded and leaned her head on my shoulder.

I sipped my water all the while feeling Derek’s gaze on me.  I hated feeling his eyes on me and downed my water waving the waitress over for more shots.  Lydia squealed and raised her head from my shoulder.  We did two shots and found ourselves in a fun conversation feeling the buzz that had left me a little while ago. 

I feel Scott tense beside me, but don’t think anything of it until he says, “Oh hey Sean” while bumping my shoulder.  Just then another round of shots came to the table.

“I thought that was you,” Sean said ignoring Scott and looking directly at me. 

“Hey Sean…” I trailed off.  I haven’t seen him since the last week of my freshman year.  He was my favorite mistake from that year.  We partied hard together and he was my most frequent booty call.  He stood just over six feet and played soccer for Berkeley.  Sandy blonde hair, blue eyes, and a killer smile.  Looking at him now he’s still gorgeous, but he doesn’t make my stomach flip like it used to.

“Finally celebrating your 21 st I take it?” he asked still smiling.  Sean is a year older than us and would be graduating in eight weeks.

“That I am,” I smile back at him feeling the courage of the last shot running through me.  I can feel everyone’s eyes on me. 

Sean finally looks over to Scott who is trying for a polite smile, but looks like he wants to punch him.  Scott never liked him and blamed Sean for a lot of my partying.  Which is somewhat validated. 

“Scott, good to see you again,” Sean said with a fake polite smile.  The feeling was mutual. 

“I’m Lydia,” Lydia said drawing Sean’s attention to her.  He took her hand and placed a kiss on it--always the charmer.

“Hello beautiful, I’m Sean.  Stiles and I go way back,” he said with a wink.

Introductions went around the table and when it got to Derek all he did was glare at him like he was holding himself back from ripping out his throat.  Sean just smiled.

Turning back to me, Sean asked, “Can I buy you a birthday drink and talk you into dancing with me for old time’s sake?”

I heard Scott growl beside me, but didn’t feel like turning him down.  If I said no and stayed at the table there would be questions that I didn’t feel like answering. 

“Sure,” I said smiling at Sean and getting off the stool to follow him.  Sean reached back and grabbed my hand pulling me towards the bar. 

We downed two shots before we made it to the dance floor.  At first we started out with at least two feet between us, but the longer we danced the more the alcohol was able to settle in and as Sean got closer I didn’t back away.  Soon we were touching and dancing a little provocatively. 

“Am I pissing your boyfriend off?” Sean whispered in my ear.

I pulled back, “What? I don’t have a boyfriend,” I told him confused.

“Huh….well….Mr. Personality at your table has been eyeing you all night and ever since we left the table I feel like my head is going to pop off the way he is staring us down,” Sean replied.

I turned over to where our table was and saw Derek standing there with his arms crossed glaring at us.  He didn’t even try to look away and I bet he has been listening this whole time.  Asshole.  I turned to Sean and said, “Nope, he’s just a creeper that hangs around sometimes.”

I looked over at Derek after I said it to see if he had heard me and almost felt bad when I saw hurt in his eyes just briefly enough before he schooled his face into a scowl.  He turned to Cora and took her shot out of her hand and downed it.  Cora’s eyes widened.  Derek reached over and stole Isaac’s shot and downed that one too.

I turned away and tried to focus on Sean again, but everything just felt off.  I put some more distance between us while we danced to a few more songs, but it wasn’t as fun as it was earlier.

“I think they are trying to get your attention,” Sean said making me look up at him for the first time in a couple of minutes.  I followed his gaze back to our table and saw Lydia, Kira, and Liam gesturing for me to come on.  It was getting late and we had our last stop on the list next. 

I turned back to Sean and smiled, “Yeah, we have one more stop before this night ends.”

Sean smiled back at me, put his hand on my cheek and pulled me to him placing a kiss on my lips.  I kissed him back briefly before pulling away.

“Happy Birthday Stiles.  It was really good to see you,” Sean told me dropping his hand from my face.

“Thanks Sean,” I replied with a small blush on my cheeks. Not because of the kiss, but because I can feel everyone’s eyes on me. Sean just smiled at me and walked toward the bar while I turned and made my way back to the table.

“Ohhhh!! Stiles he is hot!” Lydia sat as I approached giving me a high-five. I returned it just for the simple fact that I didn’t want to leave her hanging.  When I turned Scott and Cora were glaring at me. 

I ignored them putting a smile on my face and said, “Ok, who’s up for Karaoke?”

As we walked the last few blocks to the Karaoke bar I didn’t see Derek anywhere, but I didn’t want to ask if he had left.  I found myself walking slower and slower bringing up the end of the line walking into the bar.  I showed my ID with less enthusiasm as I had at the first couple of bars and walked past the bouncer.  When I looked up everyone was already claiming a table.

Suddenly, someone is pushing me backwards towards the bathrooms where it’s poorly lit.  When I finally orient myself and look up I’m staring into Derek’s hazy eyes. 

“What the fuck dude?” I yelled trying to push him off me.

“Who is he?” Derek asked firmly.

“Who is who?” I asked trying to push him off me again and failing.

Derek just growled at me.  Anger flooded me and I pushed at his chest over and over until he finally stumbled back.  “You have no right to ask me that!” I yelled.

Derek just scowled at me and flashed his golden wolf eyes.  That made me even more pissed off.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?" I yelled pushing his chest again.  “You don’t get to ask me those questions! You fucking left, asshole! So FUCK YOU!” I screamed pushing past him and heading to the table to meet up with our friends.

No one asked me where I was or why I was so pissed.  I’m guessing they heard me.  Before I could even request a drink one was being put in front of me.  I looked over and Isaac gave me a smile.  Thanks friend. 

I was done with that drink and half of another before we made it up to do a song.  As promised Lydia, Cora, Kira, and I did “Single Ladies” by Beyonce and Liam ended up joining half-way through.  Scott then joined me for our Top Gun routine and I serenaded Lydia. 

When we went back to our table Derek had finally joined us and I made sure to stay as far away from him as possible.  I didn’t feel him looking at me the rest of the night while we continued to drink and make fools of ourselves messing up lyrics and singing so horribly bad we made a few people actually leave.

The bartender yelled out last call and I took my last shot for the evening.  I had one more song I wanted to do before I left tonight.  I got up and walked to the stage.  I searched for the song I wanted and got ready.  The beginning to Pink’s “So What” began to play and I squared my shoulders and began to belt out the lyrics.

Just before Pink sang the part I was waiting for I looked over and met Derek’s eyes.  He had been watching me the whole time.  Good, he needed to hear this.

“You weren’t there, you never were, you want it all, but that’s not fair.  I gave you life, I gave my all, you weren’t there, you let me fall!” I almost screamed at Derek boring into him.  I felt a tear run down my cheek and it made me even madder.  I tried to go on with the song, but lost my momentum. I dropped the mic and started to walk past our table, but Derek stepped in front of me.

“I’m taking you home,” he gritted out.

My eyes snapped up to his “Like hell you are!” I screamed.

Derek crowded me and said low and harsh, “You can either walk out of here with me or I will throw you over my fucking shoulder and carry you out.”

My mouth dropped and I took a step back.  I glanced over at Scott and he was pleading with me to just go.  Everyone was waiting to see what happened next.

I glared at them then turned to Derek.  “Fine,” I bit out, pushing past him and striding to the door.  He was quickly behind me making sure I didn’t try to run away.  I kept my arms crossed against my chest and walked as fast as I could.  I could feel Derek’s heat behind me.  He was pissed and that made me pissed because he had no right to be mad. 

We made it to the Camaro and Derek tried to open the door for me, but I slapped his hand away opening it for myself and getting in making sure he knew I was irritated.  I rolled the window down and laid my head down letting the cold air hit me.  Nothing was said the twenty minutes to my house. 

Derek barely put the car in park before I was opening my door and slamming it shut.  I walked quickly to my door trying to get my key out of the little pocket in my wallet.  Derek had turned off the car and was now standing beside me.

“Why are you here?” I snapped.  “I’m home, you can go now!” I yelled with frustration as my long fingers were not cooperating.  “Ehhh!!! I yelled throwing my wallet.  Before it hit the ground Derek caught it, took the key out of the pocket, and leaned over to unlock the door so fluidly it made me sick.  I glared up at him and pushed into the house attempting to slam the door on him, but he put his hand out.

“What the fuck is your problem dude! You are not invited in! Go home!” I yelled trying to push the door shut.  Derek looked like he was using little to no effort to hold it open and replied, “I’m not a vampire Stiles.”

I pushed the door one last time to communicate my frustration and then turned around and started walking up the stairs to my room slamming my door when I got there.  I started pacing then stopped long enough to take off my boots and socks. 

Derek pushed open my door and stood in the opening.  “SERIOUSLY!!!!” I yelled throwing up my hands.  “What the fuck do you want from me Derek?”

“I want you to tell me what the hell is going on with you,” he said crossing his arms over his chest.

“Nothing is going on with me! And even if there were it’s none of your business!” I yelled again.  It felt good.

“Why?  Why can’t you just talk to me?” Derek asked less defensively.

“Because I don’t want to!” I screamed pacing again running my fingers through my hair.

“Clearly you’re upset with me and I have no idea why, Stiles,” Derek pleaded with me.

“YOU FUCKING LEFT ME!!!” I screamed so loudly it shocked me.

Derek reeled back like I had slapped him.  “What?” He said confused.

His confusion pissed me off.  “You fucking left me Derek! For four fucking years you were gone! You have no idea what I’ve been through since you left!” I yelled back at him.  It felt so good to get it out.  Like every word I screamed was a hit.

“So tell me!” Derek yelled back arms going out to both sides.

“What do you want to hear Derek? How when you walked out that door almost four years ago that I felt like I was being cut in two? That it took me weeks to learn how to breathe again without you here? That you weren’t here for me when I needed you the most? That while I was living the nightmare that was my life and I watched people dying around me, I almost lost my best friend, Lydia, MY DAD, that all I could think was, ‘If Derek were here, he would have believed me. He would have protected me. He would have saved me from myself!’ But you weren’t here Derek.  You went off to Colombia and figured your shit out WITHOUT ME!!”

“You didn’t ask me to stay!” Derek yelled at me breaking through my rant.

I stopped and blinked several times trying to process what he had just said making my anger fade slowly.  I just stared at him looking so damn vulnerable. 

“You don’t think I agonized over asking you that the whole time we were in your loft? I wanted to plead and beg for you to stay, but I couldn’t.  I wanted so desperately to be a selfish teenager and ask you to stay for me.  But you were breaking in front of me Derek.  I couldn’t have done it.  As much as I wanted to I couldn’t.  Not only because I knew you had to go, but what if you said no? I wouldn’t have been able to handle it,”  I told him softly, almost all my anger gone.

“I would have stayed for you,” Derek said in almost a whisper.

I closed my eyes and hung my head.  Silence fell over the room while we both figured out what to say.  This was it.  This was my chance to tell him everything.  I took a deep breath and took a seat on the edge of my bed half looking down when I said,  “For almost four years I have blamed you for everything that has gone wrong in my life.  When you left I lost a part of myself and I just couldn’t get it back.  Senior year started and shit went bad quickly.  Scott and my relationship was tested, he didn’t believe me and people died.  I made decisions that will haunt me for the rest of my life.  As soon as I left to go to college I partied my way through my first year almost losing my scholarship.  And it was all your fault.  If you hadn’t had left you would have trusted me and believed me about Theo.  People wouldn’t have died; I wouldn’t have killed Donovan…….” I trailed off in a whisper.  “It was just so much easier to blame you and be angry with you than it was to hurt the way I did.  I couldn’t handle it, Derek.  The pain, the guilt, the hurt, it was all too much.  Anger was easier.  And being angry at you rather than looking myself in the mirror was what I could handle.  It isn’t fair.  I know that.  I get it, but it’s been my default for so long when you showed up without any real warning it was just too much.”

I paused to steady my breaths and give Derek a chance to say something.  After several minutes he finally whispered, “I’m sorry.”

I shook my head, “No Derek, don’t be sorry.  When I told you I was happy for you that you were able to work your shit out I meant it.  It’s what I always wanted for you,” I told him meeting his eyes.  “This is my mess that I have to work out now.  I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

Derek’s eyes began to water and I could tell he wanted to reach for me, but he was holding himself back.  He took a deep breath and then asked, “So what now?”

I laughed a little and said, “I don’t know, Derek.  I guess I have to start working out my own shit.”

I looked up at him again to see that he was staring at the floor.  He finally nodded and said “Ok”.

Derek stood there for a long time before saying, “Ok” again and walking out of my room and down the stairs.  I heard him open the door and pause then the door closing behind him. 

I laid back on my bed feeling physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted.  I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Derek

 

I walked out of Stiles’ house and stopped, taking in a lungful of night air, holding it, and then releasing it slowly.  I have been waiting for Stiles to tell me what’s been going on with him and now that he has I have no clue what to do with it.  I took out my phone and texted Scott to let him know Stiles was safe at home and I was heading back to the loft. 

I got in the Camaro, backed out of the driveway and started toward the loft.  I replayed what Stiles had told me over and over again.  He knew I had to go, wanted me to go, and was happy that I left, but in turn has been blaming me for everything that has happened for the last four years.  I hadn’t done anything except for leave which was something we both knew I had to do.  This is something that can’t be undone.  I can’t go back in time and change my decisions.  I can’t make sure that I’m there for him when he needed me, but I could give him the time to deal with his shit like I had and try to show him that I wasn’t going to ever leave again.

I pulled into the parking lot and made my way up to the loft expecting to find it empty.  I figured Cora would be with the girls or even Isaac.  They have grown close and he was leaving the day after tomorrow, but when I pulled open the loft door, Cora was pacing the floor.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as soon as I saw her.  She stopped and glared at me.

“What do you mean ‘What’s wrong?’ What the hell is up with you and Stiles?” She almost screamed at me.

I let out a breath, closed the door, and walked past her to the kitchen.  She followed me and I knew she wasn’t going to let this be.  I didn’t answer for a few minutes.  Just took my time looking in the refrigerator for a Gatorade and coming to meet her on the opposite side of the kitchen island. 

“It’s nothing you have to worry about, Cora,” I finally settled on.  It wasn’t my place or right to talk about what Stiles had told me and I wouldn’t betray him in that way.

“Like hell it isn’t, Derek!” She yelled throwing her hands on her hips. 

I let out a deep breath, “Cora, seriously, this is between Stiles and me and it’s really none of anyone else’s business.”   I looked up to meet Cora’s eyes and they were full of unshed tears.  I softened my face and started towards her, but she threw up a hand to stop me.

“It is my business big brother.  Because I know how hard you worked to let go of all your shit and to see the shadows creeping back into your eyes is scaring the shit out of me,” she explained as a lone tear ran down her cheek.

“Baby sis,” I started gently shaking my head.  “Yes, there will be some days where the shadows may creep in, but they will not stay.  I’m not going back to that, I promise,”  I started towards her again to pull her into a hug.

She started crying softly into my chest and I held her until she seemed to get them out and she pulled back.  “I just can’t lose you again Der and I’m so scared that one day you’re going to decide coming home was a mistake.  I’m happy here and I need you to be too.”

“I am Cora, I promise. Nothing is going to change that,”  I assured her pulling her in for another hug.  I didn’t realize how fragile she still was.

Cora squeezed me one last time before pulling out of my embrace and sitting on the stool beside her.  Looking down she asked again, “What’s going on with you and Stiles?”

I paused before answering her.  I needed to make her more secure in knowing we are staying, but also keeping Stiles’ business to myself.  “It’s really not my business to share Cora.  All I can tell you is that Beacon Hills has a way of breaking you down in ways you never knew were possible and the Hale Pack aren’t the only ones who have felt its wrath.  But we were lucky enough to get away and heal from all the wounds this town has inflicted.  The rest of the pack hasn’t been that lucky.”

Cora nodded her understanding still staring at the counter.  I continued, “I know seeing me hurting upsets you, but it’s not Stiles’ fault.  Please don’t take it out on him.  He needs his pack more than ever, and that includes you too.”

She looked up at me debating whether to push for more of what she already knew, but decided to leave it alone.  She said, “Ok” softly before turning back to the counter.  Silence stretched for a long time before Cora got up and hugged me.  “I love you Derek,” she told in my ear.

“I love you too,” I said back squeezing her tighter.  She pulled back and told me she was going to bed.  I watched her walk toward her room and shut the door.  I sat down on the stool beside the one Cora had just left drinking my Gatorade. 

What Stiles is going through has everything and nothing to do with me.  My leaving was inevitable, but allowed him to place the blame of what his life had been since the day I left on me and the only person who could undo that was him.  I had to give him the space to work that out while proving to him I wasn’t going anywhere. 

My feelings for Stiles haven’t changed; if anything they’ve gotten stronger.  Seeing him tonight made me want him in a way I haven’t wanted anyone in my life.  Watching him with all the different people he danced with and then with that asshole he clearly knows on an intimate level had me so full of jealous rage it was almost unbearable.  But also seeing the hurt in his eyes when he sang that song and when he unloaded on me in his room, I had to fight every instinct to pull him to me and make him feel safe, protected…..loved. 

But Stiles wasn’t ready for that and maybe he never would be.  I gripped the counter at that last thought.  I don’t know how I would survive it if he never wanted me the way I want him, but I could smell the arousal when he saw me tonight.  I felt him melt into me and heard his heartbeat on the dance floor, and I knew that just being friends wouldn’t make him feel like he was being ripped in two when I left.  So I’m hopeful that if I can be patient that he will come to me when he’s ready.  And I’ll be there because I’m not leaving again.

I walked over to the refrigerator and put the half full bottle inside.  Walked to my room and stripped to just my boxers. As I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling I told myself again, “just be patient.”  With that thought, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	14. Fourteen

Stiles

 

I woke up groaning.  My head was pounding, I hadn’t moved all night so my legs had fallen asleep and were tingling.  My mouth was incredibly dry and my lower back sore.  I slowly opened my eyes and tried to sit up holding my head as the momentum made it ache more.  I stood up and wobbled to the bathroom.  With each step, my legs would tingle more as more feeling returned to them. 

When I made it back to my room I noticed a glass of water, two aspirin, and a note on my nightstand.  I walked over, took the aspirin downing the whole glass of water and picked up the note.

_ Looks like you had a good time! _

_ You can fill me in at dinner, Love Dad _

I looked over at my alarm clock to see what time it was—11:43am.  I checked my phone to see several texts from everyone seeing how I was.  My eyes weren’t ready for reading so I threw my phone on the bed and decided to take a shower.  I stood under the hot water for several minutes before even attempting to wash my hair or body.  My limbs ached with every movement.  Did I party or get hit by a bus last night?

After I dressed I checked my phone.  Scott was checking in, but would stop by later.  He was spending the day with Kira because she and Lydia were leaving for Stanford early in the morning.  Lydia was spending the day with her mom, Liam with his parents, and Isaac said he would stop by with lunch in the next hour.  Nothing from Derek, but I’m not surprised by that.  I don’t know if I would want to talk to me either.

I walked out of my room and looked in on my dad.  He was sleeping peacefully.  I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen to get more water.  I still felt incredibly parched.  I decided to sit outside and enjoy some fresh air.  There was a really nice breeze coming in cooling the temperatures down.  I lounged in my chair and stared out towards the woods.

Even though I was incredibly hungover, I felt lighter.  Getting everything out with Derek had lifted some of the weight on my shoulders, but it hasn’t really resolved anything.  Admitting it and getting it out in the open was very different from working through it.  Seeing the shit show that was last night unfold I know it needs to happen.  I can’t ignore it anymore.  And pushing it down worked for about 24 hours before it all came rushing up. It wasn’t fair to Derek.  It wasn’t fair to my dad or the pack, and it wasn’t fair to me.  Seeing Sean last night made me think of who I was a couple of years ago and I didn’t like it.  Remembering how my dad told me he was getting glimpses of the old Stiles made me feel both bad and hopeful.  I can never be that person again, too much as happened.  But I could try to be a better version of myself.

“You go deaf last night too?” Isaac said coming around the back of the house.

I shot up making my head throb and shrieked—manly and almost fell out of my chair.  “Fuck dude!” I yelled cradling my head in my hands.

“Sorry….here…let me help,” Isaac said apologetically as he approached with bags of food.  He put them down next to me putting his hand on my shoulder drawing out the tension and pain.  As it left me I let out a sigh and slumped back into my chair.

“Thanks man,” I said looking up at him.  He nodded and I watched him pull a chair over, bend down and grab the bags and take a seat.  He handed me my burger and fries.  I took in the smell and my stomach growled.  We sat in silence for awhile eating and looking out into the woods.  Finally, when we were finished and our trash put away Isaac asked, “You Ok?”

I knew he was asking me about last night not about how I was feeling now.  I started nodding my head before saying, “Yeah….I’m Ok.”  I could feel him eyeing me.  Usually he would let it go and not push, but today he seems to be trying something new.

“Last night was painful to watch man. I know you have history with Derek and shit you need to work out, but that wasn’t fair.”

“I get that, I do,” I told him.  “But it was bound to happen sooner or later.  I’m sorry for being a dick, but I can’t help the way I feel about everything.  Not yet at least,” I finished.

“Yeah…I can relate to that.  I just hope you guys figure it out.  Two people who clearly care about each other shouldn’t waste so much time, especially when they’ve lost so much already,”  Isaac said looking at me.  Apparently Isaac is keeping it real this morning.

I scrubbed my hands over my face before replying, “I know Isaac.  I’ve been thinking a lot this morning, trust me.  I leave in a couple of days.  I’m hoping some distance and some time to think will be helpful.  I can’t keep up with what I’m doing anymore.  I know I can’t.”

Isaac offered me a small smile and nodded in agreement.  Silence stretched for a few minutes before I asked, “Are you coming back for summer?”  I haven’t decided what I wanted to do.  Before coming back for spring break I was all for staying in Berkeley, but now I might come back even if it’s just for half of it.

“No….I’m going to work and take some classes.  But being back made me realize how much I miss it here and all of you.  I have friends in New York, but you are my family.  After graduation, I’m coming home.”

“Wow,” I said eyes widening.  He’s not the only one who has said they missed Beacon Hills.  Lydia had admitted it reluctantly, I know Scott misses it, and Derek and Cora had come home.  If I’m being honest, there have been moments when it felt good being back.  I missed my dad and hanging out with everyone felt good.  “What will you do?” I asked after a long pause.

“I’m a psychology major and want to be a guidance counselor.  If someone would have stepped up for me in high school maybe things would have ended differently.  I want to be able to do that for someone,” Isaac told me.

“That’s awesome Isaac.  You’ll be great at that,” I told him genuinely. 

“Thanks,” he smiled. We stayed outside for a few more minutes before going in and playing video games.  Hours later my dad came down and said he’d order pizza.  Scott and Kira showed up, then Lydia and Liam.  Cora ended up coming by just as the pizza arrived, but no Derek.  When I opened the door for Cora I looked behind her briefly before meeting her eyes.  She offered me a smile then pulled me into hug.  “He was working on the house all day and just got home as I was leaving.  He’s not gonna make it,” Cora explained in my ear just before pulling away.  I smiled back at her and offered a nod in understanding.

Everyone stayed for a few hours and then said their goodbyes.  Liam would be traveling most of the summer, Isaac would be staying in New York, Kira and Lydia weren’t sure yet what they would be doing.  Scott would be back for sure.  Scott was the last one to walk out offering me a hug and asking me if I was ok.  I assured him I was, and we confirmed we’d be leaving the day after tomorrow.  I made my way into the kitchen to help my dad with dishes.  He washed, I dried. 

We talked about my birthday.  I left out most of the details, just telling him we hit a few bars, danced and did some karaoke.  He was satisfied in knowing no one got put in jail and everyone survived.  It was almost ten when I finally made it back up to my room.  I was exhausted and ready to get some sleep still feeling like my body needed to recover. 

As I curled up in bed I thought about what I was going to do when I got back to Berkeley.  I needed to work through everything that has happened these past four years and try to get to a place where I wasn’t constantly looking back.  I worked through my plan in my mind and slowly started to unwind finding sleep.

I woke up the next day with a determination I hadn’t felt in years.  My dad wasn’t home yet so I started making breakfast and a few calls.  I was just finishing up the pancakes when my dad walked in.

“Whoa….what’s the occasion?” My dad asked almost suspiciously.

“I’m heading back tomorrow and I thought I would be a good son and cook for you,” I replied.

My dad just stared at me trying to figure out if I was about to tell him something he didn’t want to hear.  I rolled my eyes and finished placing the food on the table.  “Just go change so we can eat, Dad!” I yelled.  My dad stood there for a brief moment before turning toward the stairs to change and he was back down within minutes.

“This really looks great kid, thanks,” my dad told me.

“You’re welcome,” I answered.  Silence fell while we ate. Before he could ask me anything I said, “I called Dr. Sullivan this morning.” 

My dad almost choked on the food he just took a bite of.  Once he gained control again, he said, “Yeah? Any particular reason?”

I rolled my eyes, “The same reason I started seeing her after freshman year, Dad,” I told him a little irritated.  I softened my tone before adding, “but this time I think I’m actually ready.”

Deaton referred Dr. Sullivan that summer I came back after freshman year.  Her husband was a werewolf, and she worked with the pack during traumatic times.  She was really nice and seemed to know when to push and when to back off, but the day she pushed about Derek I couldn’t handle it and never showed up to my next scheduled appointment.  When I called this morning she sounded like she’s just been waiting for me to decide when I was ready.

My dad had been watching me before he said, “Good.  That’s really good son.” And then after a slight pause, “I’m proud of you.”

“I haven’t done anything yet dad!” I laughed.

“You’ve done the hardest part Stiles.  You’ve recognized you need help and you made the call,” he said looking at me like he needed me to understand his point.

“Ok dad…..thanks,” I told him looking down at my plate.  I know he wanted to ask me more, but knows these next six weeks are going to test me and pushing is not going to help.  We finished breakfast talking about the station and I cleaned the kitchen while he took a shower and got ready to get some rest. 

Before going into his room he pulled me into a long hug like the one he gave me when I first got here almost two weeks ago.  I squeezed him back and told him I loved him. 

I took a shower and started to do my laundry and pack my bag.  Scott and I were leaving tomorrow so I figured I’d get a head start.  When I started to get hungry I decided to go to the sandwich shop and grab some lunch.  I got a few sandwiches, chips, cookies, and water.  I needed to see Derek before I Ieft tomorrow.  I couldn’t leave things the way they were.

I started toward the preserve trying to figure out what I wanted to say.  As I made my way down the long road  the house started to become visible.  The foundation has been completed and there were beams everywhere sectioning off rooms.  I put the Jeep in park next to the Camaro as my eyes landed on Derek carrying a large wood beam.  He had on black jeans, black work boots, and nothing else.  His chest glistened from sweat and his hair was ruffled in different directions.  I couldn’t help but just stare and admire the gorgeous man in front of me.

Derek threw down the beam and looked over toward me.  Shock registered on his face before it became neutral.  He started to walk towards me so I shook myself out of creeper mode, grabbed the bags of food, and got out of the car.

“Hey,” I said tentatively.

“Hey,” he replied with caution.

I lifted the bags of food and said, “I thought you could use a food break.”

He offered a small smile and said, “That sounds great. I’m starving.”  He walked over to where his shirt was and put it on.  I was a little disappointed, but told myself it would be better so I could concentrate.  I handed him the bags and then went back for the drinks.  We settled under the trees in the shade and started taking out the food. 

“Wow….you got a lot of food here,” Derek said as he took out another sandwich.

“Yeah…..I figured whatever we didn’t eat you could save for later if you needed to take another break,” I told him unwrapping my sandwich.

“Oh…thanks,” Derek said softly.  We ate in silence for a bit.  It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t easy.  As I finished my bag of chips I grabbed my cookie breaking it piece by piece and taking small bites.

“You were right,” I said.

Derek looked up confused, eyebrows questioning.

“About me not being ready to hear what you had to say,” I explained.  Derek’s features smoothed out into understanding and finished chewing.

I looked down in front of me before saying, “I’m still not, but if you can be patient with me, I can be.”

Derek put down whatever he was holding and turned toward me.  “Stiles look at me,” he said gently.  I looked up meeting his eyes.  They were so clear, so open.  “I know that you can’t fully trust me right now, but I hope you can trust me enough to hear me when I say I’m not going anywhere.  Not again.” 

My eyes started to water and I needed to break eye contact.  I closed my eyes knowing that what he said was the truth.  I could feel it, but I couldn’t let myself hold onto just yet.  I started to nod my head and wipe the tears that had fallen.  I looked up and gave Derek a small smile, “Ok.  I’ll try,” I told him honestly.  He smiled back.  Silence fell around us again, but it felt better than before.

“When do you leave?”  Derek asked.

“Tomorrow,” I answered.

“Oh…..will you be back for the summer?” He asked again.

“I don’t know.  I hadn’t planned on it, but things might change,” I told him looking at him to make sure he understood what I meant.  He nodded in understanding.  More silence stretched before I started to stand up and stretch.  “I should probably go.  I need to finish my laundry and finish packing.” I told Derek after he stood up with me. 

“Ok,” he replied.  I could see he wanted me to stay longer, but wouldn’t ask.  He walked with me to my Jeep and paused.  Now it felt awkward.  Should I give him a hug? Handshake? Just get in my Jeep and go?  As I debated with myself, Derek had already made the decision.  He reached out and started to pull me to him.  I didn’t even fight it.  I wanted to be wrapped up in him.  I threw my arms around his waist and laid my head on his shoulder while Derek pulled me as close as possible resting his head against mine.  I closed my eyes and let out a sigh of content.  We hugged for several minutes before I pulled back.

“I’ll text you when I get to Berkeley tomorrow, ok?” I told him.

Derek smiled, “Ok.”  My eyes flicked down to his lips, but before I could even think about making a move, Derek pushed us all the way apart and took a step back.

“I’ll talk to you soon Stiles,” he said.  I smiled back at him and nodded.  Derek watched me get in the Jeep and pull away.  He didn’t move from the spot he was standing in until I couldn’t see him in my rearview mirror anymore. 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Stiles' POV, Stiles goes back to Berkeley.

Stiles

 

Scott and I made it back to Berkeley in the afternoon.  I let Scott do most of the talking and wasn’t surprised to hear that it was about Kira.  They had decided they wanted to be together.  Neither of them really dated anyone else and they always seemed to find their way back to each other.  He couldn’t stop smiling and it made me smile too.   Scott didn’t ask me about Derek or my birthday.  He knows I’ll end up telling him about it eventually.  I did notice that he didn’t seem as worried about me as he usually did.  There weren’t any long glances or hesitation when he talked about something.  Maybe he could sense some change in me; I know I felt it. 

I made sure to send Derek a quick text to let him know we arrived safely.  He replied and I left it at that.  It felt weird to go years without any contact to sending a causal text.  I unpacked and started to fill out my calendar.  There were four weeks of classes left and then two weeks of finals.  I scheduled my first appointment with Dr. Sullivan for Wednesday after my last class.  Her office was only a short walk from campus. 

Scott and I ordered pizza for dinner because we had no groceries from being gone for two weeks.  We sat in the living room watching Friends reruns winding down for the night. 

“I’m beat dude.  I’m going to head to bed,” I told Scott just after ten.

“Yeah…I think I’m with you.  My first class is at 8am tomorrow,” he replied. 

I shook my head and chuckled.  None of my classes start earlier than 10:30am.  I learned my lesson from freshman year.  We walked down the hall and just before heading to our separate rooms when Scott paused.

“Stiles,” Scott said just as I turned to open my door.

“Yeah?” I asked turning to my friend.

He looked at me for a minute before saying, “You’re ok.”  It was more a statement than a question.  Like he was reaffirming what he already thought he knew.

I smiled placing my hand on his shoulder and squeezed.  “Yeah Buddy, I’m getting there,” I told him.  Scott smiled back at me placing his hand on my shoulder and offering a squeeze as well.  It was a weird bro hug that meant so much.  We removed our hands and went to our respective rooms.  I fell asleep that night feeling like things were going to be just fine.

It wasn’t as hard to get back into the swing of things as I had thought.  Classes were the same, and falling back into my routine was easy.  As I left my last class and started toward Dr. Sullivan’s office I felt a little nervous.  I haven’t seen her in years and even though I’m feeling more open it’s unnerving spilling your secrets and emotions to anyone let alone a stranger.

I walked up the steps to the old house that had been converted into an office.  When I entered I was surprised to see Tom was still at the front office. 

“Whoa….blast from the past!” Tom called out when he looked up after hearing me open the door.

“I know, I know it’s been awhile,” I said.

“Well, it’s good to see you man.  I’ll let the Doc know you’re here.”

“Thanks,” I replied taking a seat by the aquarium.  I only waited about five minutes before Tom was telling me I could go back, but it felt like hours.  I walked past him and made my way to the back to her office opening the door tentatively.

“Hello Mr. Stilinski,” Dr. Sullivan said coming around her desk to shake my hand.

“Doctor,” I said in reply before taking my seat on the couch.  She sat in the chair opposite me.  Silence stretched for a minute while I looked around the room.  Everything seemed the same.

“So what brings you in today?” Dr. Sullivan asked making me meet her eyes.  She was going to treat me with gentle gloves I could tell.  She would expect me to lead while she steered me in the right direction.  I broke eye contact and fidgeted with my hands.  She didn’t push.  Just waited for me to tell her whatever it was I wanted to say.  After several minutes I said, “He came back.”

“Who?” She asked.  My eyes snapped up to hers.  I know she knew, but she was going to make me say his name.  She knows how hard it was when I first saw her. 

“Derek,” I answered.  She nodded in understanding before asking, “and how does that make you feel?”

I paused again trying to figure out how to answer her.  Several minutes passed again before I settled on, “It makes me feel everything” meeting her eyes as I said it.

She nodded in understanding and said, “And how are you handling it?”

A harsh laugh came out before I said, “Not well."  After a slight pause I corrected, “Well, better now, but not so well at first.”

Dr. Sullivan continued to watch me.  She nodded her understanding just taking in everything I had said, but didn’t offer any words of wisdom or ask another question.  Finally I got irritated and throw out my hands, “Well?” I said.

She laughed a little before saying, “Well what Mr. Stilinski?” 

“Call me Stiles, Mr. Stilinski is my dad.  And I mean aren’t you going to say anything? Offer some wise words that makes me all better?”

“That’s not how this works Stiles,” she said.

“Well how does it work, Doc?” I asked.  Now I’m just being an ass and I don’t even know why.  I need to figure this out, but it’s a lot harder than I thought being in this room with Dr. Sullivan again.

Dr. Sullivan leaned forward looking at me gently.  “You called me, Stiles.  I am here to talk about whatever you want to talk about.  Your classes, your day, your dad, your past, your pack, Derek, the weather—everything and nothing.  You are in control of these sessions.”

“Ha!  That would be a first.  I control nothing,” I laughed out.

“You control more than you know Stiles.  This world can be unforgiving.  It takes without discrimination, it will make you feel like you are on the ride of your life just to have you crash and burn seconds later.  There are many things we cannot control—death, people leaving—and being involved in the supernatural world makes life even more unpredictable.  But you get to control the way you respond to these situations.  You get to control how you maneuver in and out of the chaos.”

I swiped at a tear I didn’t realize was falling.  “It doesn’t feel like I have control over anything.  Not even myself.”

“You are so hard on yourself Stiles.  You and your pack have been through more in your three years of high school than some packs go through their whole lives.  And you were just kids.   You’re only human.  You’ve fought, you’ve lost people you care for, and you’ve been in situations that people only see in movies.  You cannot expect yourself to navigate through those things with ease.  You are allowed to have baggage.  You are allowed to be hurt and angry.  You are allowed to feel what you feel.  But you think that you have to hold everything in and pretend everything is fine.  Tell a joke and everything will be Ok.  But you have to let yourself feel what you need to feel, own it, and then let it go.”

Tears were falling faster than I could stop them.  Eventually I stopped trying and let them fall.  Dr. Sullivan didn’t say anything else and I don’t know how long I sat there crying, but as the tears stopped coming, Dr. Sullivan gave me a cup of water and a couple of tissues.  I cleaned myself up and took several steadying breaths.  Once I pulled myself together I looked over at Dr. Sullivan and she smiled at me.

“Well…..that was productive,” I said trying to lighten the mood.

Dr. Sullivan shook her head at me and said, “It was.  You are welcome here any time Stiles.  Like I said before, you control these sessions.  It’s about what you need and nothing else.  Think about that.”

“Ok….yeah…..Ok Doc,” I said nodding my head trying to process everything.  I told her thanks and waved as I left her office.  Tom was filing some papers away when I walked by and shouted a goodbye. 

I walked back to my apartment processing everything the Doc had said.  I didn’t do much talking after all.  I needed to hear what she had to say though.  Now, it was a matter of internalizing it and believing it.  

Scott was in his room when I walked into the apartment.  I put my backpack down in my room and decided leftover pizza would do.  I took the plate to my room and started on my reading.  After a few hours of reading and starting on my final paper for one of my classes Scott knocked on my door.

“Hey,” Scott said poking his head in my room.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“You came home late today, everything good?” He asked tentatively.

“Yeah….uh…..I had an appointment,” I said not looking up at him.  When he didn’t respond I met his eyes.  He was waiting for me to elaborate.

I let out a sigh before saying, “with Dr. Sullivan.”  Scott’s eyes went wide and then a slow smile started to creep up his face.  “Don’t,” I said at his expression trying to hold back my own smile.

“What?” He said stepping further into my room and throwing his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You don’t have to dude,” I told him.

He laughed again, but smoothed out his face before saying, “Seriously though….good for you man.  You know I support you one-hundred percent.”

“I know you do,” I said offering him a smile.  There was a small pause before Scott slapped the door and said, “Alright bro. Night”  I said goodnight back and laughed as he left the room.  Scott just needed to know I was good.  And now that he knows I’m actively attempting to get my shit together he can breathe a little easier.  I forget that being the Alpha is a heavy task.  He doesn’t always have the luxury of worrying about himself.

I closed my laptop and settled into bed flipping my phone around in my hand.  I had the urge to check in with Derek, but decided not to reach out just yet.  I put my phone down on the night stand and started running through Dr. Sullivan’s words in my head.  This is about what I need first.  And what I need is to get my head together before I fully admit to myself that what I truly need…..what I want….is Derek.

Three weeks passed by quickly.  I stayed busy with classes and met with Dr. Sullivan three more times.  My first session started with talking about my classes and somehow ended with my talking about my mom.  The second session I bitched about the fog that had seemed to roll in and not want to leave and then ended with an angry rant about Beacon Hills and all the supernatural bullshit that had invaded my life.  The third session I got on the subject of Derek and how we became the most unlikely of friends. Then it turned into me talking about what a bastard he was for leaving.  Then I got up and stormed out without even saying goodbye.  I think I’m making real progress. 

Derek and I have sent a few texts here and there, but nothing major.  He sends me pictures of parts of the house that are being completed.  The crew just finished the beams for the second floor and walls would be going in next week.  It was getting easier and easier to talk to him, but on the day I stormed out of Dr. Sullivan’s office I took my phone out and sent Derek a text.

Stiles: You are such an asshole.

Derek: What?

Stiles: YOU. ARE. AN. ASSHOLE!

Derek didn’t send a text back.  Instead, my phone started to vibrate in my hand.  I answered it without looking at the name.  I knew who it was.  “What?” I said as I pressed the green button.

“What’s wrong?” Derek asked a little panicked. 

“What’s wrong? You’re a selfish, inconsiderate dick who didn’t think twice about leaving me in fucking Beacon Hills to fend for myself!” I yelled into the phone.

“Oh,” Derek replied.  He knew I was seeing the Doc and probably understood where it was coming from, but his simple response made me mad.

“No.  No not ‘oh’ Derek! Fuck you! Fuck you and your decision to leave! Fuck you and your four year hiatus in South America! Fuck you and your ability to come back looking all tan and handsome!” I screamed into the phone.  I was generating a lot of looks from people walking past me, but I didn’t care.

In the silence that followed my last outburst I realized what I said last.  I stopped abruptly with my eyes widening with realization.  “Ah shit,” I said into the phone, but mostly to myself.  I debated whether to hang up and pretend it didn’t happen, but then I heard him let out a laugh that he apparently was trying to hold in.

“Don’t laugh at me!” I yelled, all my anger seeping away.  Now I was just totally embarrassed. 

“I’m not….I promise,” Derek said through more contained laughter.

“Ehh!” I yelled into the phone using my free hand to scrub my face and decided to start walking again.  “Just….forget we had this conversation.  I need to go die now.”  I hung up before Derek could say anything else.  I got to my apartment five minutes later and went straight to bathroom to shower.  I tried to scrub the embarrassment off.  Besides the lingering looks, Derek and I have not talked about what we wanted from each other, how we felt, or even if we found each other attractive.  Well.  Now he knows I’ve noticed.  I guess it could be worse.  But he laughed and that’s not doing great things for my ego.  I guess lesson learned on communicating while angry.

I got out of the shower, dressed, and told Scott I was ordering Chinese settling in to work on some homework.  After a few minutes my phone chimed indicating an incoming text.

Derek: I wasn’t laughing at you earlier Stiles; you just caught me off guard.  But don’t think that I don’t find it equally unfair to come home and see that your shoulders were broader, your muscles defined, and you grew slightly taller.  Don’t think I haven’t noticed that your neck is wider, your eyes richer, and those fucking hands….don’t even get me started on those.  Because I’ve noticed. 

I swallowed hard and reread the message.  Another message came through on my fourth attempt to read the text again.

Derek:  And I’m sorry for being an asshole.  I’ll do what I can to make up for that.

I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face.  I should say something back.  I can’t just leave a text like that without a response.  Just then the doorbell rang to indicate the Chinese food had arrived.  I threw my phone on the bed and started toward the door.  Scott met me in the kitchen to start separating the boxes.

“What’s got you all happy?” Scott asked smiling back at me.

“What do you mean?” I asked still unable to school my features.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Scott laughed out still smiling.

“I just love Chinese food man,” I said in explanation.

Scott just shook his head.  “You’re being weird dude and I can’t even complain because it’s a happy weird.”

I took a big bite and just shrugged at him.  We ate dinner while talking about our last week of classes and finals coming up.  Scott offered to clean the kitchen so I walked back to my room still smiling.  I picked up my phone and finally responded.

Stiles: Apology accepted.

The last week of classes was pretty simple.  I handed in three final papers and am completely done with those classes.  I’ll have three finals the next two weeks and then I’m done…..until summer.  I already signed up for two online classes before spring break and wanted to keep them.  That would mean I only need to take five classes in the fall and I could decide what to do before actual graduation.  I applied for an internship in San Francisco for a start-up company.  They were hiring five researching interns for the semester with the potential to get hired on full-time.  If I’m hired I can work from anywhere. If I’m not, it will look really good on my resume. 

I decided to go back to Beacon Hills for summer.  I had to stay an extra week for the online classes’ orientations, but then would head back.  Kira was picking Scott up on the way.  Even though her parents lived in San Francisco, she was going to spend the first month in Beacon Hills with Lydia.  Lydia would be travelling starting in July until a few weeks before starting her senior year.  My dad was excited when I told him and that made it worth it.  I told Derek, but we didn’t talk much after that revealing text.

I told Dr. Sullivan about it and she said she was proud of me for vocalizing how I felt.  I stayed away from the topic of Derek the rest of our session and focused on my dad and the potential internship.  She pointed out that these were all things that I could feel proud of and she was right.  For the first time in a long time I felt lighter.  I didn’t feel like my emotions were out of control or that one word could trigger a feeling in me I couldn’t handle.

I didn’t meet with Dr. Sullivan the two weeks of finals.  Even though I only had three they were pretty intense and I wanted to ensure straight A’s this semester.  Scott left with Kira the Sunday after finals and I would be leaving on Thursday.  I had orientation on Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday morning.  My last session with Dr. Sullivan would be Wednesday afternoon and I was her last appointment.

I walked toward her office a little slower than I had the past few weeks.  I knew this would be the one where we talked about Derek.  She wouldn’t let me get away with avoiding it knowing I would be seeing him all summer.  When I entered the office Tom greeted me and then just waved me back.  I stepped through the office door and was greeted with a big smile and “hello” from the Doc.

“Hi,” I responded taking my seat on the couch.

“You ok today?” Dr. Sullivan asked as she sat opposite me in her chair.

“We have to talk about Derek,” I said gloomily.

Her eyebrows shot up, “We do?” she asked.

I rolled my eyes and stood to start pacing, “Of course we do Doc.  I leave tomorrow and I’m going to be seeing him all summer! If we don’t talk now, then when?” I stopped to look at her throwing my hands out.

“Then you call me Stiles.  I told you, you control these sessions. But if you’re ready to talk Derek, let’s do it,” she replied.

Ah shit.  I walked back to the couch and sat down. “Well….if you want to……,” I trailed off.  I looked up to see her shaking her head at me.

“What are you afraid of Stiles?” she asked.

“I know I’m your last client today, but I don’t think you want to be here all night Doc,” I replied.

“Stiles.  You’ve made a lot of progress and worked through a lot of your pent up emotions, but besides the day you got angry about Derek leaving you haven’t talked about him, but he still holds a lot of the power in you.  So I’m asking you why? What are you afraid of?”

“I’m afraid that I’m in love with him and that I’ll fall even deeper and then he’ll leave again.  Because it seems that when I love someone they always leave.” It came out like I couldn’t help it.  I registered what I said and stood up to pace again.  “I mean……when we were becoming friends I noticed small changes that made me think it could be more, but I never acknowledged it.  But when I knew he was leaving and then he told me…..I’ve never felt pain like that…..not since my mom.  And in that moment I knew I loved him and that I would never know if he felt the same and that just as I had realized it he was walking out the door.” 

I felt the tears coming and paced back to the couch to sit.  “I don’t ever want to feel that pain again Doc…..I don’t think I would survive it this time.  So what if go back and I fall in love with him so deeply that I can’t breathe and he doesn’t feel the same? Or he leaves? Or he…….dies?” I choked on a sob.

“Stiles…..Stiles…….look at me Stiles……..” Dr. Sullivan tried to get my attention, but I was losing control of my breathing.  “Stiles!” She shouted making my eyes snap up to her.  “Count…..ten…..nine…..” I began counting with her all the way down to one. 

“Ok….I’m ok….,” I told her steadying my breathing.  I closed my eyes until I felt anchored.  I opened them to see her looking at me with a small smile.

“Falling in love with someone is one of the most terrifying things we’ll ever do.  But it’s also the most beautiful.  To love someone day in and day out even when it’s the hardest thing we’ll ever do is a gift this world gives us.  It’s the silver lining in this unpredictable world.  My advice to you Stiles is to take it slow.  Get to know each other again.  You both aren’t who you were four years ago.  Let it fall into place as it should.  Love is worth the risk and from what you’ve told me I think the feeling is mutual.  When you’re ready I hope you tell him what you just told me.  Maybe not exactly, but make him understand.  When something makes you upset, tell him.  When you feel vulnerable or scared that he is pulling away or you don’t know how he feels, ask him.  Too much time is wasted on wondering what the other person thinks or feels.  Ask.  You may not like the answer, but at least you’ll know.”  She paused to look at me to make sure I was taking everything in. 

“I get it……I do….that’s just foreign territory for me, Doc,” I told her.

“I know it is Stiles, but vocalizing how you feel and asking for what you need and want is a way of taking back some of the control you so desperately seek.  Live in the uncomfortable moments…..that’s where you’ll see the beauty of everything.”

I looked at her for a long moment then making a promise to myself.  “Thanks Doc,” I told her not knowing what else to say.  What do you tell the person that has helped you lay yourself bare and slowly helped to piece yourself together?  I stood up to indicate that this session was over and she followed suit.  She walked towards me and pulled me in for a hug.  It took me a minute to hug her back; we’ve never done this before. 

We pulled away and she told me, “I’m proud of you Stiles.  And I meant it; you can call me any time if you need to over the summer.”

I nodded and told her “Thanks” again before heading out the door.  I barely remembered the walk home but found myself in my apartment heading for my room.  I laid down on my bed feeling exhausted.  I don’t think I ever admitted to myself what I had with Dr. Sullivan.  All my fear and insecurity boils down to the people I love or care for leaving me.  And as much as I want to trust that Derek isn’t going anywhere there are some things you just can’t control.  But Dr. Sullivan’s words echoed around my head pleading with the positive side of me.  Love is worth it.  Love for myself and love for Derek.  So I’ll take it slow.  I’ll get to know myself again….who I am now and I’ll start to build my relationship with Derek again.  Whatever happens happens, but I would never forgive myself if I didn’t try.

Tomorrow I’ll head back to Beacon Hills.  A place that took so much from me, that I couldn’t leave behind fast enough.  I’ll go feeling hopeful that I can put the final piece back into place making me whole again.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Derek's POV, this gives a little insight into what Derek was doing while Stiles was back in Berkeley.

Derek

 

I was cooking dinner for Cora and I when my phone chimed indicating I had a new text message.  I looked down to see Stiles had made it back to Berkeley.  I sent out a quick message back and placed my phone back on the counter.  I couldn’t help the smile that had settled on my face.

“What are you grinning about?” Cora asked me as she opened the refrigerator. 

“Nothing,” I lied, not caring that she could tell. The smile never faltered. I could feel her looking at me so I finally looked over at her.  She was smiling back at me.

“What?” I asked.

“I just like to see you happy.  I don’t even care why; just make sure it lasts, ok?” Cora said.

“I’ll do my best,” I smiled back at her before turning back to the spaghetti noodles.  I don’t know why getting that text from Stiles had me so happy.  I guess it was a combination of what he said before he left and him actually reaching out like he said he would.  Things felt like that were on their way up and I couldn’t help feeling optimistic. 

I finished the spaghetti and added it to the salad and garlic bread that was already on the table Cora had set.  We settled in and enjoyed the few moments of silence eating before Cora spoke.

“I have some news,” she said looking up at me.  I was just about to take a bite of my garlic bread, but placed it back on the plate.

“Yeah?” I said not knowing if it was good or bad.  She seemed nervous.

“So….you know I loved working with the children in the village in South America.  Well, I looked into what it would take to be a teacher and it turns out I need to take a few exams and get my credential.”

“Cora that’s great,” I told her not sure why she would be nervous.

She blushed, “Thanks……I looked into a lot of different programs and colleges that offered them and...”

“Are you moving?” I blurted out a little panicked.

Her eyes widened, “What? No Der! Oh god….no.  I’m not moving.  Beacon Hills has their own credentialing program that is accredited by San Francisco State. It’s an accelerated program so I would be student teaching during the day and taking classes at night.  The classes are taught by teachers and administrators in Beacon Hills.”

I let out a sigh of relief.  I couldn’t handle Cora leaving.  While I tried to collect myself, Cora spoke again taking my hand in hers and squeezing.  I looked up and met her eyes.

“I don’t want to go anywhere Derek.  This is home and even if Beacon Hills didn’t have this program I would have figured something out.  There are online programs as well. I’m not going anywhere.” Cora spoke so gently it was like she was talking to a child.  I felt a little ridiculous and offered her a smile.

“I’m really proud of you Cora.  You’re going to be a great teacher,” I said squeezing her hand.

We went back to eating our dinner while she told me about the tests she had to take and the application process for the credentialing program.  She was so animated and excited I felt a new jolt of energy.  We both seemed like things were heading in a positive direction and it had my limbs on fire. 

After dinner I told Cora I needed a run in the preserve.  I ran for hours not realizing that every inch I touched brought back a memory of Stiles.  I ran past the spot where I first met him and Scott right after Scott was bitten, by the spot Stiles tripped and almost impaled himself in the chest with a branch.  I sat on the same rock that Stiles leaned against. He was looking up in the trees thinking, biting his lip, eyebrows together and turned down.  He couldn’t figure out the puzzle and it was driving him crazy.  Every so often he would get frustrated and pace, pulling at his hair then sit back at the rock.  The moon lit up his face, and I think that night was the first time I realized I might have feelings for him that crossed the line of friendship.  I watched him and noticed every movement he made, counted every mole on his face, and watched his face contort as he thought through everything.  It was fascinating and beautiful.  He, of course, caught me and made some joke about me being a creepy stalker, and I just rolled my eyes and called him an idiot.  I smiled at the memory and started walking toward my car.  I want to get back to that.  But I don’t want it to end there.  Next time, I want to be able to walk towards him, put my hand on his cheek and turn his face to me.  I want to kiss his soft lips and pull him to me.  I want……everything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It’s been a few weeks since Stiles went back to Berkeley and we’ve only spoken through text messages.  I started sending him pictures of the house as we complete a new phase.  It feels good to show him the progress and have him impressed or tell me how good it looks. 

I just got out of the shower from a long day of working on the house when my phone started ringing.  I was surprised to see it was from Stiles.  

“Stiles?” I answered.

“Hi” he said in return.

“Are you Ok?” I asked.  This is the first time he’s called me since…..I can’t even remember.

“Oh….yeah….I just finished working on some homework and was wondering what you were doing” he explained causally.

Knowing that everything was fine I put him on speaker phone so I could finish drying off and get dressed.  I placed the phone on the dresser and told him, “I just got out of the shower.”

I took my towel off and finished drying my hair before pulling out my sweatpants and putting them on.  I realized Stiles hadn’t said anything back.  I grabbed my phone and switched it back to the headset saying, “Stiles?”

“Uh…yeah….sorry…..” he trailed off and I heard something falling and then he said, “Shit” into the phone.

“You Ok over there?” I asked.

“Yep….just fine…..just got a little distracted…..sorry.” He told me sounding a little breathless.

“How are classes?” I asked.  I thought I heard him whisper ‘thank god’ away from the phone before he responded.

“They’re going well.  Just a couple weeks left before finals and then I’m done.” He told me.

I wanted to ask him about whether or not he was coming home for summer, but didn’t want to push the issue.  He will decide on his own and tell me later.  Before I could ask anything else he said in a rush “I’m seeing someone.”

My brain went blank and my claws came out “WHAT?” I screamed into the phone.  It was my immediate reaction I couldn’t even try to calm my response.  I started breathing hard and if I clutched my phone any harder it was going to break.

“Shit…SHIT…NO!  Fuck…..that’s not what I meant Derek.  I mean I made an appointment with the Doctor I was seeing my sophomore year. You know...to work out my shit.” Stiles said in a rush.  “I have no interest in seeing anyone here I promise. That’s not even on my radar.  I’ve seen Dr. Sullivan twice now and worked out some shit and I just wanted you to know.  That’s why I called tonight…I just….shit….I just wanted you to know” he rambled on.

I was trying to process what he was saying and started to calm down.  My claws retracted and I loosened the grip on my phone.  “Sorry…..I shouldn’t have reacted like that.  I have no right to say anything.” I said softly.

Stiles let out a breath in the phone “Derek…..I asked you to be patient with me.  I wouldn’t have asked that if I was just going to come back here and get involved with someone else.  I mean…I’m a dick, but not that big of a dick.”

I wasn’t ready to examine what he was saying or how it made me feel and I didn’t think he was either so I chose to ignore it and focus on what he really meant.  He was getting some help and for him that was huge. 

“That’s really great Stiles.  I know it can’t be easy for you, but that’s awesome.”  I told him.

Stiles was quiet for a minute before he said, “Thanks.”  More silence stretched until Stiles let out a muffled yawn.

“You sound tired…you should get some rest.” I told him.

“Yeah….it was a long day.” He said in return.

Another stretch of silence before Stiles said, “Ok...well…..night Derek.”

“Goodnight Stiles” I said.  A couple minutes passed before one of us decided to finally end the call.

 

Stiles is starting finals week and I still don’t know if he’s coming home.  We’ve texted over the past few weeks and one brief phone call when I was worried, but other than that it’s been pretty light.  Well….except me basically telling him that I find him incredibly attractive.  I thought I had pushed too far, but he finally texted back and things have gone back to “normal”. 

I was finishing up a section on the house when Carl yelled for me to join him by the tree for lunch.  Carl was about the same age as me and is part of the crew that has been helping me.  He’s a great guy.  He reminds me of Boyd, but with a more outgoing personality.  I walked over and caught the water he threw at me. 

“Thanks man” I told him as I caught it.  He just nodded and grabbed his sandwich.  I grabbed my own and took a couple of bites before my phone went off in my pocket.

Stiles:  I’m coming back for summer

I choked on the bite I was in the process of swallowing and Carl started to pat my back.  I drank some water to help wash it down before I could reply.

Derek: That’s great

Stiles didn’t respond and I knew he wouldn’t.  I put my phone back in my pocket and couldn’t help the smile that formed as I took the next bite.  I could see Carl watching me out of the corner of my eye and turned to him with my eyebrows raised in question.

“You got it bad man” He said shaking his head.

“What?” I faltered putting my sandwich down.

Carl just shook his head, “That Stiles?” he asked.  I nodded to indicate he was right.  “Thought so; he’s the only one I’ve seen that can make your moods change so quickly.”

I looked away to try to cover the blush that was rising on my cheeks.  “He’s just a friend” I told him.

Carl let out a snort “Yeah…..maybe for now”

I scrubbed my hands over my face, “It’s complicated Carl” I told him still looking ahead and not at him.

“Love always is,” Carl replied without hesitation.

My eyes snapped up to him and widened.  I didn’t know what to say or how to respond.  Carl just laughed a little and continued eating his sandwich.  I looked down and grabbed my sandwich too.  “Yeah…I guess it is” I told myself.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Stiles' POV, he makes it home for the summer.

Stiles

 

The Jeep wouldn’t start when I tried to leave Friday afternoon and it took me well into the evening to get it running.  My dad told me to just leave the next day, but I was scared if I didn’t leave now I wouldn’t have any luck tomorrow.  So that’s how I found myself rolling into Beacon Hills just after midnight.  I drove just under the speed limit all the way here. 

As soon as I pulled into the driveway I sent a text to Scott and Derek that I had made it safely and would talk to them sometime tomorrow.  I was supposed to spend the day with my dad today, but that got postponed until tomorrow….well…..I guess today now.  Fuck I’m tired.

I found my dad on the couch asleep with the TV on some infomercial.  I walked over and turned off the TV with the remote and shook my dad’s shoulder.

“Hey dad….wake up,” I said loud enough that it should wake him, but not give him a heart attack.  He started to groan and opened one eye.  When he registered it was me both eyes sprung open and he sat up.

“Oh hey kid…..what time is it?” He asked sleepily.

“Almost one.  Go upstairs and go to sleep.  We can do breakfast in the morning…..or brunch.” I corrected at the look on his face.  I helped him up and gave him a hug before we both walked up the stairs.  We went to our respective rooms without another word. 

I should shower, but I’m too freaking exhausted.  I threw my bag on the floor and fell on my bed instantly falling asleep when my head hit the pillow.

I woke up around eleven and went straight to the shower.  I felt gross and needed to refresh.  When I made my way down the stairs I could smell the fresh coffee brewing and saw my dad at the table reading the paper. 

“Morning” I said as I walked over to the fridge to see what I could make for brunch.  When I opened it I found an expired milk carton, an empty egg carton, and cheese.  I looked over at my dad with a glare and he was pretending to read his paper refusing to meet my eyes.

“Really dad? What have you been eating?” I asked closing the fridge and squaring my shoulders.

“I’ve been busy” he answered.

“Ehh….well what are WE eating this morning?” I asked.

My dad folded the paper in front of him and looked at me, “Coffee?”

I rolled my eyes and unplugged the coffee maker.  “We’re going to the diner and then grocery shopping” I told him. 

He stood up without hesitation and started towards the door, “Sounds good to me son.”

My dad and I spent the day together grocery shopping, grabbing a late lunch/early dinner, and then watching a game until late.  I finally went upstairs after ten and realized I haven’t talked to Derek since I let him know I had made it back into town.  I grabbed my phone to send a text, but then didn’t know what I wanted to say.  Well….I know what I wanted to say.  I miss you.  Wish you were here.  But none of that would do.  I sat down at my desk and twirled around in my chair trying to figure out what I could say.  Maybe just ask if he’s busy tomorrow?  I started the text just as my window started to open.  My eyes snapped up to see Derek climbing into my room. 

“Well…..glad to see your stalker skills are still working for you,” I told him as he stepped his other foot inside and throwing my phone on my desk.  He looked at me and smiled.

“Hope you don’t mind,” He said with a blush reaching his cheeks.

“I was actually about to text you,” I said feeling a bit bold.

“Oh?” He asked still standing by the window not sure if he should come in closer.

“Yeah……I was going to see what you were doing tomorrow,” I told him.

“I’m open.  I usually take Sunday’s off from working on the house.  Cora and I usually do something, but she is going with Kira somewhere.”

“Can you sit please? You are making me nervous!” I said instead of acknowledging what he said.  He looked around the room and the only spot to sit was my bed.  He hesitated then walked over and sat on the corner.  Oh yeah…I think that was worse.

“So did you want to do something?” Derek asked.

My eyes shot up to his “What?” I asked startled.

“Tomorrow--did you want to do something tomorrow?” Derek asked me with a concerned look on his face.

“Right….yes…..great……sounds perfect.” I answered twirling around so my back was facing him so I could gather myself.  When I turned back around Derek was watching me with his eyebrows furrowed.

“What?” I asked.

“Are you Ok?” He asked me back.

You are sitting on my bed and I can’t stop thinking about wanting to take you on it. “Yeah...I’m sorry….I must just be really tired.” I told him.

He stood up and I was disappointed but was able to breathe a little easier. 

“Ok….well….I’ll see you tomorrow then?” He asked.

“Yes,” I said firmly.  He smiled and walked towards the window. He paused just before climbing through it.  “Goodnight Stiles,” he said.

“Night,” I said back watching him climb out of the window.  I got up and shut the window.  I couldn’t see him anywhere.  I think it’s time for a shower.  I decided that if I just go a couple rounds in the shower before seeing Derek that might help take the edge off.  I was wrong.

 

I woke up the next morning to the sound of voices coming from downstairs.  I groaned and turned toward my alarm clock to see what time it was.  7:46am….Why?  And who the hell was my dad talking to.  I sat up just as my dad’s loud laugh boomed into my room.  My curiosity got the best of me so I made my way downstairs and headed for the kitchen.  I registered the voice right before Derek came into view just in time to see him tilt his head back and laugh.  He was fucking magnificent.  Derek brought his head down and looked over to me still smiling. 

“Good morning,” he greeted me.

I was still staring, but managed a “Mornin’” and looked down at the kitchen table to see three coffees and a bag.  Derek followed my gaze.

“I brought some coffee and muffins.  I hope you don’t mind,” Derek told me.

“I’ll never turn down free coffee and food, but why so early?” I said walking over to the bag and pulling out the blueberry muffin and taking a bite.  So good.

“You’re dad has to work early so I wanted to catch him,” Derek explained. 

I finally looked over to my dad and raised my muffin toward him in greeting.  He just gave me an exasperated look and shook his head.

“What are you guys up to today?” My dad asked.

I looked at Derek with my eyebrows raised.  We didn’t talk about what we were going to do only that we would be hanging out today.

“I was hoping to show Stiles the house.  He hasn’t seen it since he left and we’ve gotten a lot done since I sent a picture."  He said it to my dad, but was looking at me with a question in his eyes.

I shrugged, “Sounds good to me,” I said before taking another bite of my muffin.

“Well I’ll be home around six.  How about you boys be here and I’ll barbeque for dinner?”

“Perfect,” I said without hesitation glancing over at Derek.  He was going to let me answer first.  He smiled and then turned to my dad, “Yeah….sounds great,” he told him.

My dad said his goodbyes and walked out the door.  I finished my muffin and coffee and told Derek I was going to go change and get ready before we went out to the house.  Ten minutes later we are walking out of the front door and getting into the Camaro.

“I hope I didn’t overstep this morning,” Derek said as he pulled out of my driveway and down the street.

I shook my head, “No dude…it’s totally fine.  Thanks for the breakfast and coffee.”

“You’re welcome,” Derek replied. 

Silence settled in so I turned on the radio.  We’ve never had to fill in the silence and I didn’t want to feel like we did now.  I knew we were treading lightly, but I wanted to get past this awkwardness and tiptoeing around each other.  I sang and tapped my fingers on the dash like I was playing the drums and watched the scenery around us.  The more relaxed I was the more relaxed Derek seemed.  I forget that he can sense how I’m feeling so acutely.  I was going to make it my goal to stay calm and relaxed for the day so maybe he could ease up and start being more of himself around me.

We turned down the access road and as the house became visible I let out a breath of awe.  He and the crew really have made so much progress since I’ve last been out here and the pictures haven’t done it justice.  I looked over at Derek and offered him an impressed smile and he offered one back.

“This is great Derek,” I told him once we got out of the car, rounding the front and stepping toward the house.

“Thanks,” he said looking at the house with his arms crossed over his chest.  He looked proud and it was an awesome look on him.

“Do I get the full tour? I asked.

Derek smiled at me with his whole face and it almost knocked me over.  They came so freely now.  It’s something I both loved and never wanted to go away.  He started toward the front porch and I followed.  The complete rough framing of the house has been completed including the floor systems, walls, and roof.  It was a skeleton that was waiting to be put together piece by piece.  Derek got to decide what went in it and that was exciting.

We walked through the front door and Derek started explaining each section. “The stairs start here clearly, and wrap up to the second floor.  To the left is a den that can be used as an office.  Over to the right is the downstairs bathroom and to its left is the living room.”

I followed him as he pointed to each space and explained what he thought each room should look like, what purpose it would serve.  It was a mix of the old house, but also a lot of new aspects that made it fresh and reflective of whom he and Cora were now.  He also wanted it to be where the pack could come together.  He didn’t need to be the Alpha to provide a safe place.  I followed him to the back of the first floor into a massive space that will be the kitchen.

“Wow, this is huge,” I said stepping in through the frame.

“Yeah….the kitchen is a focal point for a pack.  No matter what you have going on or if you live here or not, we always come together for meals.  The dining room is just through here and it will fit up to fifteen people with the option to fit more,” Derek explained moving from the kitchen. 

“Are you recruiting?” I laughed.

“That’s not my job” he laughed back.  “But we already have seven, plus your dad and Melissa.  Eventually people will get together and start having babies….” Derek trailed off at the look on my face when he said ‘babies’.

“I’m not saying that’s happening anytime soon, but I would rather not add any additions after building the house you know,” he continued.

“Right,” I said. 

Derek moved past me and I followed him out the back door.  He walked out in the back a bit then turned back to the house.

“We are going to put in a large deck that can fit an outdoor table, built in barbeque, and spa,”  Derek told me.

“It’s going to be great Derek really.  Already it’s impressive,” I told him.  He stared at the house and shook his head in agreement.  “What’s upstairs?” I asked.

“Oh….there will be four bedrooms total….the master with a master bath and then three bedrooms and a bathroom.  There will be a set of stairs leading to another master bedroom with master bath as a fifth room. “

“A lot of rooms,” I said looking up at the second and what I now know is a kind of a third floor.

“Like I said, it’s for the pack,” he said in a low voice.  I looked over at him and saw the look on his face.  He was thinking about the pack he lost and the pack he was replacing them with.

“Hey….” I said reaching out and squeezing his shoulder making him look at me.  “It’s awesome Derek.  I know they would love it.”

Derek stared at me and slowly offered a small smile.  I moved my hand off of his shoulder and offered him a reassuring smile of my own. 

“Walk with me?  I want to show you something,” Derek said after a brief moment.

“Ok,” I told him.  He turned and started walking deeper into the backyard.  Just before reaching the tree line he veered left.  We walked about fifty feet before he stopped.  There was a massive area in front of us.  It looked like there may have been a garden at one point, but it was just tall grass and overgrown weeds now.  The remnants of a broken fence scattered in the mess of grass and weeds.

“There was a garden in Colombia that I spent most of my time in,” Derek started telling me.  He looked over to watch my reaction with the mention of South America.  If he would have tried to talk to me about this eight weeks ago there is no way I could have listened and not felt like someone was stabbing me in the chest, but now it’s only a dull sting.  Derek wants to tell me about something that is important to him and I want to listen.  Maybe hearing more about what he did in those four years he was gone will help me heal as well.  I nodded and gave him a small smile telling him it was Ok to continue.  He turned back to the old garden and continued.

“Cora had started it to help her deal with the loss of our pack.  She had large stones engraved for them in remembrance.  She hadn’t told me about it at first.  But eventually she took me there and it became my sanctuary.  I talked to them every day.  I asked them to forgive me, to protect me, and to help me find my way back to who I once was and who I was capable of being.  Eventually I added a stone for Boyd and Ericka.  I talked to them and asked them to forgive me as well.  I took care of the garden, I talked with them, prayed, and just surrounded myself in the warmth that I told myself was them reaching out to me.  The garden helped heal a hole in my heart I never thought could have been repaired.  I want to create a sanctuary here as well--once the house is done.  For those we’ve lost along the way.  I’ll have the stones sent from Colombia and we can add one for Allison.”

I let the tears fall down my cheeks freely.  I reached out for Derek’s hand and intertwined my fingers with his.  Derek’s eyes snapped down to our hands and then up to meet my eyes.  His eyes were full of tears that hadn’t fallen yet.  We didn’t say anything; I don’t think we had to.  I smiled up at him to let him know I understood and I loved his idea.  He squeezed my hand, but didn’t let it go.

Derek and I spent six hours out at the house.  He told me about his time in South America, Marianna, and the village he helped.  He skipped details about what exactly they talked about and his wild times at the clubs which I was thankful for.  It surprised me to hear about his time in New Orleans, but thought Malcolm sounded pretty badass.  We grabbed a quick lunch at the sandwich shop and went to the grocery store to pick up a few things we didn’t have for dinner.  Derek dropped me off and went home to shower and came back just before six. 

Throughout the night I reflected on the day and how great it felt.  It felt easy and I was so happy that Derek opened up to me.  I let him tell me everything he needed to and listened without any resentment.  We were beginning to be comfortable with each other in a way that was both familiar and new.  My dad didn’t stop smiling the whole night and to see him and Derek interact it was like watching old friends.  After dinner we caught the end of a baseball game.  It was just after nine when I walked Derek out to his car.

“Today was great,” I told him when we reached his car.

“It was,” he agreed and then added, “Thank you”.

“For what?” I asked confused.

“For listening,” he replied.

“Anytime Derek…..I mean that,” I told him looking him in the eyes to make sure he knew I meant it.

He nodded his head in one sharp motion before asking, “What are your plans the rest of the week?”

“Tomorrow is dedicated to Scott and then I’ll be working on homework the rest of the night.” I answered.

“Ok…….well let me know when you’re free.  I’d love to see you again…..soon,”  Derek said.

I laughed pulling him in for a hug without thinking twice about it.  “I will,” I told him in his ear.  Derek squeezed me back and put his nose in the crook of my neck taking in a long breath before leaning back.

He turned and walked to open his car door and got in.  I watched him back out of the driveway and didn’t head back into the house until he was out of sight down the street.

When I walked back into the house my dad was sitting on the couch pretending like he was watching the highlights of the game.  I walked over and sat down in the chair to his right.  I could see my dad looking at me then away from the corner of my eye.

“What dad?” I said not bothering to look at him.

“Nothing,” he answered a bit startled.

“Just say it or ask it dad! I’m beat and I’m about to go to bed,” I told him sitting up straighter and squaring my shoulders at him.

“I’m just…….happy for you guys.  Tonight felt good.  Really good,” he said smiling at me.

I let out deep breath before answering, “We are trying to find our way back to being friends again.  Today was good,” I told him.

“Friends?” My dad asked both shocked and mockingly. 

“Yes dad…..friends.  That seems less complicated for now,” I explained.

“Ok kid…..I don’t even care as long as you’re happy,” he said.

I thought about that.  I DID feel happy.  Probably the most content than I have since high school.  I looked back at my dad and smiled before standing and saying goodnight over my shoulder as I walked toward the stairs.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Stiles' POV--after my best friend read this chapter she sent me a text that read "FINALLY". Hope you enjoy!

Stiles

 

It’s been two days since I've seen Derek.  I hung out with Scott on his day off from working at the animal clinic with Deaton and spent the rest of the time working on homework.  The great thing about online classes is that you can work at your own pace.  I got the week's worth of reading, discussions, and assignments done for both classes and could relax and do what I wanted until Sunday. 

Derek and I texted off and on and he told me his crew wanted to meet me if I had a chance to come out.  I made sandwiches, cut up some fruit, and brought waters out for lunch on Wednesday.  When I pulled up Derek looked my way and smiled.  He put down the tool he was using and started toward me.  I got out and started grabbing the bags.

“Hey, thanks for doing this,” Derek said as he approached grabbing the cooler.

“No problem….now who is Carl…..I need some dirt,” I told him looking around.  I heard Derek half groan half laugh and turn toward the line of trees that we sat by the day before I left after spring break.  He whistled loudly and I noticed three men walking out from the back of the house.  There was a tall, dark-skinned man with a bald head wearing a smile around Derek’s age, an older man that reminded me of my dad, but had dark brown hair, brown eyes, and was a couple inches shorter, and a younger man probably my age with blonde hair, green eyes, and tattoos running up his arms.  He was the same height as me, but had more meat and muscles.  He reminded me of a shorter, edgier Sean.  Derek made his way back to me as the men approached and started to introduce everyone.

“Alright guys….this is Stiles,” Derek started pointing to me then, pointing to the tall bald man, “This is Carl,” he smiled at me.  He looks like he could be Boyd’s older brother, “This is Bo” pointing to the older man, “and this is Jesse,” he said pointing to the young tattooed guy.  I said "hello" and shook everyone’s hands starting with Carl and ending with Jesse.  Jesse held onto my hand a little longer than necessary and made no attempt to hide the way he looked me up and down; a cocky smile forming on his lips.  I pulled my hand away and rubbed it on my jeans looking at Derek who was glaring at Jesse.  Jesse didn’t seem to mind and we all walked over to where the food was. 

I sat down between Carl and Derek.  Bo sat across from us on the cooler and Jesse sat next to him. 

“Oh wow Stiles, this looks great,” Bo said taking a big bite of his sandwich.

“Thanks,” I replied.  I looked over at Jesse and he was eyeing me.  It was unnerving and I didn’t like it.  I turned to Carl and said, “So….I heard your Derek’s favorite….what kind of dirt do you have on him?”

Carl let out a full belly laugh and looked at Derek, “I don’t think I’m his favorite, but I tolerate him Ok.”  I turned to Derek and he blushed a little.

I turned back to Carl, “Oh come on…..give me something,” I pleaded.

“There’s not much to tell really.  He works hard and knows what he wants.  Sometimes he’s funny and sometimes he THINKS he’s funny,” Carl said laughing at the last part.

I started laughing too, “Sourwolf funny? I haven’t seen that side of him a lot,” I looked over at him fondly.  He was smiling not caring we were laughing at his expense. 

“Sourwolf?” Jesse said annoyed.

I looked over at him and said, “Yeah….nickname I gave him back in high school, you wouldn’t understand,” I said sounding as annoyed as he had.

Jesse threw up his arms and said, “Sorry man…..just asking”.  He stood up and said he needed to make a phone call.

The rest of us talked about where they were with the house, what would happen next, and family.  Carl had a sister and two nieces and a son of his own.  Bo was married, but had no children.  Jesse was his nephew on his wife’s side and said that even though he could be an ass he was a damn good worker.  We finished eating and I started to clean up. 

“What are you doing later?” Derek asked me as I loaded up the Jeep.

“Just hanging out.  My dad said he had to work late so I was just going to watch a movie I guess.  I think Scott is doing something with Kira. 

“OK…..maybe I could stop by?” Derek asked looking down at the dirt he was kicking.

“Sure,” I said.  He looked up and smiled.  Bo walked over and said, “Thanks again for lunch Stiles.  You can always come out here…..maybe even help on the house if you wanted.”

I looked up at Derek asking if that was Ok and he nodded.  “Ok sure….sounds good.” I told Bo.  I turned back to Derek as Bo walked away.  “I’ll see you tonight then.  Window will be unlocked” I said with a wink.  He chuckled and said "Ok" before walking back to the house.

 

Derek ended up coming over later that night and we watched Captain America downstairs.  The only other option was to watch it on my laptop on my bed and I wasn’t ready for that.  He tolerated my outbursts and laughed more at my reactions than what was happening on the screen.  He left a little bit after my dad came home and I walked him to his car and sent him off with a hug. 

The next few days went by quickly.  I spent some time with Scott at the clinic, hung out with Lydia and Kira, and even Cora, then just vegged out at my house.  I texted Derek on and off over the next few days, but didn’t see him.  He was working late trying to get some things done on the house and was just too tired to come creeping through my window.

I decided that one way I could ensure spending time with Derek was if I went out to the house and helped.  I started going out two days a week and working on homework whenever I could.  Jesse would always try to get me to work with him somehow and I would mostly, but sometimes Carl would save me and get me to help him with something.  Derek never said anything, but I know he was always listening.  He seemed to either not care or just tolerated it. 

Most nights Derek would come through my window even if my dad was home.  It was our thing I guess.  I didn’t mind at all.  Some nights he would bring something to read while I worked on homework.  Other nights we would head downstairs to watch a movie or catch a game with my dad. 

He never asked me to come to the loft and I never asked to go.  Derek and I were in a really good space.  It wasn’t as awkward or forced between us.  If we wanted to call or text we did.  If Derek wanted to stop by he crawled through my window and didn’t ask if he was intruding.  When it did get awkward was when it was time to say goodnight.  We hug every time, but now they linger and when we pull back it’s like each of us are waiting for the other to make a move.  I want to kiss Derek.  Sometimes I want it so bad my body aches for it, but I don’t know if he wants it too.  And I’m too scared of being rejected.  So we stick with hugs.

It has been three weeks of our routine before we end up watching a movie on my bed.  We set up the laptop in between us and keep a safe distance apart from each other.  I’m making him watch another Marvel movie.  We turned out the lights and I tried to focus on the screen and not Derek sitting on my bed smelling delicious.  I started listening to his breathing and my eyes started to flutter.  They were becoming so heavy….

Music continued to play over and over again.  I opened one eye to see that my laptop was open and on the beginning screen to start the movie, but instead of being in the middle of the bed it was closer to the edge and to the right.  I looked over to the left and noticed another set of feet that didn’t belong to me.  I followed the legs up and realized that somehow I had pressed myself against Derek.  My hand was on his chest, head tucked on his shoulder, and he was sitting against the wall with his head turned to the side, eyes closed.  He had fallen asleep too.  His arm was draped over my shoulder fingers curled holding the sleeve of my shirt. 

I tried to stay as still as possible, but moved my hand and placed it over his heart feeling the steady beat and watching my hand rise and fall with his breaths.  I felt warm and safe.  As I focused on the movement of my hand and the feeling under my palm I drifted off to sleep again.

I woke up the next morning alone in my bed, but had a text from Derek.

Derek: Didn’t want to wake you.  Talk to you later.

I rolled over and grabbed the pillow Derek had been laying on, pulled it to my face and took in a big whiff.  He smelled like the woods. It was intoxicating. 

Derek continued to crawl through my window and watch movies on my bed.  We always ended up falling asleep wrapped up in each other.  We never mentioned it.  And why would we? Cuddling was just like a hug but lying down.  I continued to help at the house and Jesse was still a pushy dick, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.  Derek still never said anything, but I noticed he focused mostly on work when we were out in the preserve.  Carl seemed more annoyed by Jesse than Derek did.  He always seemed to be around ready to give me another task that was far away from Jesse.

The Fourth of July came and went.  Scott, Kira, Derek, Cora, Lydia, Liam, and I went to the fireworks show in the county over.  They had a small carnival set up and then we sat on the lawn and watched the display.  Derek and I shared a blanket with Cora and leaned on each other.  Derek intertwined our hands as the first few fireworks were set off and for a moment I thought he was going to lean in and kiss me, but I could feel eyes on us and then Derek looked over my shoulder and then back up to the display.  Derek only let go to my hand to pick up the blankets and pack up the car.  As soon as we got back in he pulled my hand out of my lap, intertwined our fingers and placed them on the console in the middle.  No one said anything.  When he walked me to my door I thought for sure this was it, but Cora was waiting so all I got was a hug. 

There had been so many “almost” kissing moments I was starting to get irritated.  I could just do it.  Just go for it.  But every time I thought about it I chickened out. 

The second week of July brought a heat wave.  Derek wanted to start working on the house an hour earlier so they could try to get as much done before it became too hot to work.  I drove out there around nine with extra waters and bowls of fruit. 

Carl waved me over as soon as I got out of my Jeep.  I set down the cooler and walked over to him.  I didn’t see Derek so I assumed he was doing work inside or in the back of the house. 

“What’s up?” I asked Carl as I approached.

“I’m gonna have you work with me today.  I have some things I need to put together.  The sooner they’re done the sooner I can go home,” he told me.

“Sounds good to me,” I said.  He explained that an inspector would be coming out next week to make sure they were ready to have the electrical and plumbing put in.  We stood at the table nailing pieces together and every so often Bo would come out to collect some.  I’ve been working for almost an hour and still no sign of Derek.

“He’s going through the house putting the protective barrier to prevent mold and wood rot.  He wants the upstairs done today.” Carl told me when he noticed me looking to the back of the house for what I’m sure was the twentieth time. 

“Oh,” I said a little disappointed.  I know he knew I was here.  Usually he would come out and see me to say hi and he would have told me what he was doing himself.

Another hour passed and Carl and I made small talk.  He asked me about my major and what I wanted to do.  The heat was starting to pick up.  I finished the piece I was working on, grabbed some water, and then got to work on the next one. I just happened to look up to see Derek rounding the corner.  He had his shirt off and was drenched in sweat.  He was making his way toward the cooler and I couldn’t stop staring.  I swallowed hard and lost concentration.

“AH FUCK!” I yelled out as I brought the hammer down on my hand.  Pain shot up my arm.  I dropped the hammer and grabbed my hand.  Derek ran over and tried to pull my hand towards him, but I was irritated at him and pulled it away telling him I was fine.

“Let me see it” He said sternly grabbing my hand not caring that it hurt.  He cupped my hand and started to take the pain away.  As the black veins shot up his arms my eyes went wide and I looked over at Carl who was watching unphased.

Derek inspected my hand while I still eyed Carl.  He shrugged and said, “Brother-in-law’s a wolf”.  I nodded in understanding and pulled my hand away trying to look everywhere but at the sweaty god that was standing in front of me.

“I’m fine Derek,” I told him.  He eyed me for a minute and then nodded walking towards the cooler without another word.  I glared at his back and grabbed a piece to start working again.  Carl pulled it out of my hand and said, “Why don’t you go take a break,” looking over to Derek. 

I followed his gaze and said, “yeah….Ok…..” bent down to grab my water and walked to the back of the house.  Fuck if I’m going to be around him when he’s being a dick.  I walked past the house and over to the old garden.  I sat down by the tree and tried to figure out why Derek was so mad. 

Things have been really good. Except for the whole sexual frustration part, we were in a really good place, or so I thought.  Maybe it had nothing to do with me.  But even if it didn’t he should tell me.  We need to be able to communicate with each other.  Look at me adulting I thought.  The Doc would be so proud.  I finished my water and walked back to the table.  There was no sign of Derek or Carl so I started on the task I had left. 

A few minutes later Jesse came over to the table. I am not in the mood to deal with him today.

“Need some help?” He asked.

“I don’t care,” I said.  Jesse nodded and just picked up the hammer, nail, and some wood pieces and began working.  No smart ass comment was attached.  I didn’t know what to do with that, but didn’t care enough to ask.

We worked in companionable silence for awhile before Jesse broke the silence.

“So you go to Berkeley?” He asked.

“Uh...yeah…starting my senior year,” I told him.  My irritation had left me.  Now I was just pissed at Derek. 

“Sweet…..you like it there?” He asked again.  He was making small talk and that was so unlike the guy I have come to know over these past weeks.

“Yeah…..it’s a cool town.  It’s fun going into the city.  I like the weather.  Not so damn hot,” I said using my shirt to wipe the sweat from my face.  When I looked up I caught Jesse’s eyes snapping up from where they had looked down to my exposed stomach.  I turned back to the task and kept building.

After some silence Jesse spoke again, “Look…I’m sorry for being a dick to you.”

I looked up startled.  I was not expecting that.  “It’s fine dude,” I told him.

“No….it’s not.  You just make me nervous and I don’t know how to handle it,” he explained.

“I make you nervous? Why?” I asked confused putting down my hammer so I didn’t hurt myself again.

Jesse shuffled a bit. This is so unlike him now I was getting nervous.  Before he could say anything I saw movement out of the corner of my eye.  Derek was striding toward us with Carl on his heel.  I was a little taken aback by the look on his face.

“Break for lunch,” he spat out.

I blinked several times before I pulled myself together.  I squared my shoulders and looked right at him, “I’m not hungry,” I told him.

We stared each other down for several moments.  “Fine,” Derek spat out again.

“Fine,” I spat back.  More staring before he turned toward the cooler and grabbed a sandwich sitting with his back to a tree.  I put down my hammer and stocked toward the back of the house heading for the old garden.

I don’t know how long I stayed by the garden, but I debated just leaving.  If Derek was going to be a dick why even stay.  But then I thought about how hot it was and wanting to help Carl.  So I pulled myself together and started toward the front of the house.  I will finish what Carl needs done so he can go home and then I will follow him. 

When I made it back to the table Jesse was working on the units, but no one else was around.  He didn’t even look up at me when I approached.

“Sorry about that,” I told him. 

“It’s cool,” he said focusing on what he was building.

“So…what were you about to say?” I asked.

“Oh….forget it…I got the wrong information.  It doesn’t matter now.” He said still not looking up at me.

"Whatever," I thought.  I can’t deal with a confusing and mad werewolf and the ever changing moods of Jesse.  Maybe tonight was going to be a full moon and I totally spaced it. 

We worked for another two hours and finished everything that needed to be done.  Carl thanked me and gave me a smile and pat on the back that I think was supposed to communicate more than just a goodbye.  Jesse just got in the truck with Bo without a word to anyone while Bo waved to everyone.  Derek was cleaning up the workstation while I packed the Jeep.  I looked over at him and I could tell he was actively not looking up at me.

“Whatever,” I said opening the door and getting in slamming it shut.  I turned the ignition and it made a sound, but wouldn’t turn over. 

“No no no…come on….” I said trying a few more times.  Not now, I’m trying to speed off all pissed to show Derek that he’s a dick.  I can see Derek approaching as I try to start the Jeep a few more times.

“I can give you a ride home,” Derek said standing by my door.

“No it’s fine,” I told him trying to start the Jeep one more time.  I hit the steering wheel and let out a few curse words.  Derek just stood there. “Fine,” I said opening the door not caring if he had time to move out of the way.

We walked to his Camaro and as he started the car I asked, “So are you going to tell me what’s been bothering you all day?”

Derek made his angry face, shifted in his seat and said, “Nothing,” looking straight and gripping the steering wheel.

“No…not nothing Derek.  Something is clearly bothering you, tell me,” I said a little gentler.

“No,” He said firmly.

I reeled back like he hit me, “NO?” I shrieked.  “Stop the car Derek,” I told him.

Derek finally looked over at me, “What?” he said surprised.

“Stop the fucking car! I’m not doing this!” I yelled at him reaching for the door handle.

Derek hit his brakes and I swung my door open heading back towards my Jeep.  Derek turned off the car and ran towards me.  “Not doing what Stiles?” He said catching up with me.

“I’m not doing this,” I said pointing between me and him “Where we don’t talk to each other.  Something has been bothering you all day. You have been a complete dick to me and I don’t know why and that is completely unfair. So you can either tell me what it is and you can take me home or I will call Scott to come get me and try to jump my Jeep,” I told him in a rush crossing my arms over my chest.  Confronting issues head on is not my thing, but I promised myself things would be different this time.

Derek couldn’t look at me.  He looked down at his foot kicking the dirt and said, “It’s stupid Stiles really.  I’m sorry for being a dick, but can’t we just forget it?”

“No Derek we can’t,” I told him in a softer voice than I had before.  “It’s not stupid if it affected you the way it did.  We can talk to each other Derek.  Just tell me.” I was almost pleading with him.  I needed to know because clearly he was upset and I wanted to fix it.  I didn’t like how today felt.  I didn’t like how this felt.

When I didn’t think he was going to respond I let out a deep breath and took a step forward to walk around him, but just as I took my step he blurted out, “It was Jesse.”

That was so far from what I expected it took me a minute to respond and when I did all I came up with was “Wha…what?”  I was so confused.

Derek rubbed his hands over his face and let out a groan before trying to explain, “I’ve seen the way Jesse has been with you over these weeks.  I’ve heard the things he’s said.  I know him well enough to know he likes you.”  Derek looked up at me to make sure I was paying attention.  At the confused look on my face he rolled his eyes and continued.  “Everyone saw it Stiles….I don’t know how you didn’t….” he trailed off still looking at me.

Well I didn’t notice because I was too busy noticing you! Is what I yelled in my head, but kept it to myself because I wanted Derek to finish what he was saying.  That couldn’t be everything.  Derek searched my face and must have realized I really was clueless and his face softened. 

“Uh….anyway…..everyone got here early today and Jesse and I were working on the protective barrier and he asked me about you…..” He trailed off eyeing me.  I gave him a come on gesture because I knew he was stalling.  He shifted his feet again and continued.  “He asked me if you were single or interested in anyone. I told him I didn’t know.  He kept going on about how hot you were and how much he liked you and he hoped he didn’t blow it by being a dick all this time, but you just made him so uncomfortable…and then he asked me if I thought you would go out with him if he asked.”  Derek was talking fast and getting mad again and I just watched him.  He was breathing hard and clenching his fists and I just stared at him.  He was so dumb.

“So what did you say?” I asked crossing my arms around my chest.

He stopped moving and looked up at me, “I said I didn’t know,” he bit out.

I stared at him and started to shake my head.  “You are such an idiot,” I said.

“What?” He yelled out “What should I have said Stiles?” He asked arms shooting out to either side of him.

I took a few steps toward him and pointed at him “You should have said No Derek.  You should have told him that there’s only one person I think about before I go to bed and when I wake up.  There’s only one person I want to spend my time with, to crawl through my window, to fall asleep with, to watch movies and baseball games with.  There’s only one person I want to hold my hand and almost kiss me……You should have told him, 'Yes, Stiles is taken' you should have told him 'He’s mine!'

I hadn’t realized I was getting closer and closer to Derek as I spoke until all he had to do was barely cup my face and pull me in for a kiss.  Our lips crashed together and it was like lighting striking.  My hands flew to his hair and I pulled him closer to me trying to deepen the kiss.  We moved backwards until my legs hit the Camaro.  Derek put his hands on my hips and lifted me onto the hood never breaking the kiss.  Our tongues were dancing and I couldn’t get enough.  My hands moved from his hair to his shoulders down his back and then to his firm ass.  I squeezed his ass and ground into him.  A growl escaped Derek’s mouth and I squeezed harder.  I wanted him so damn bad. I reached for the hem of his shirt to try to pull it off, but Derek broke the kiss and pulled back putting his forehead to mine. 

We were panting and trying to catch our breath.  I wanted more of him, but he wasn’t going to let me move back in. 

“Wow,” I said smiling.

Derek smiled back and said, “Yeah”.

“So why’d we stop?” I asked placing a kiss on his nose since I couldn’t reach his mouth. 

“I don’t want to…..but we need to…….we should take it slow,” Derek responded pulling our foreheads apart.

“Dude…..any slower and we’d be glacial!” I pouted.  I’ve waited too long for this and now that I know how good it is I don’t want it to ever stop.

Derek laughed a little, cupped my cheek with one hand and looked me in the eyes.  “I don’t want to fuck this up Stiles.  Let’s do this right.  Let’s take it slow,” he said pleading with me.

I searched his eyes.  How could I argue with that?  “Ok……Ok….we can take it slow…..but you need to know something first,” I told him.

“Yeah….what’s that?” Derek asked placing a kiss on the corner of my mouth.  When he pulled back I smiled up at him and said, “I’m taken.”

Derek’s face broke out into a delicious satisfied smile.

“Yeah you are.  You’re mine.”  He said pulling me in for another kiss.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Derek's POV.

Derek

 

When I dropped Stiles off we ended up having another make out session in his driveway until his dad opened the front door and cleared his throat.  I was embarrassed, but Stiles just gave him a smug look before giving me one last kiss and opening his door and walked past his dad.  When I met the Sheriff's eyes he gave me a disapproving look before it turned into a smile and then he winked and walked back into the house shutting the door. 

All the way home I thought about how today turned around.  It pissed me off when Jesse asked me about Stiles.  I’ve known for awhile now that he liked him, but wasn’t expecting him to ask me for advice.  When he did I wanted to tell him to fuck off.  That Stiles was taken, but even though things have definitely been good between us I didn’t have that right.  We never talked about us falling asleep together or our ‘almost’ kisses that he brought up today.  So who was I to say to back off?

But I wouldn’t take today back for anything.  Even though I hated feeling angry and hurt at the possibility of Stiles wanting someone else, it forced us to get everything out.  Now, I can say he’s mine. 

As I walked through the door to the loft I couldn’t help the grin I had on my face.  I was happy and I could still feel the lingering weight of Stiles’ lips on mine. 

“Oh good you’re home!” Cora called from the kitchen.  She turned off the faucet and started walking towards me saying, “I wanted to talk to you about something…..whoa! What is that smile for?”

“What smile?” I asked still smiling.

She pointed at my face, “That goofy as all hell smile that you are wearing!” She yelled.  “OMG….did you and Stiles finally hook up?” she almost shrieked.

“We didn’t ‘hook up’ Cora….” I said trailing off.

“Tell me! It’s Stiles though right? OMG….tell me everything,” She said jumping up and down giddy.

I rolled my eyes, “I’m not one of your girlfriends Cora,” I told her.

“But Der…..you have to tell me….” She pouted.

Well played little sis.  I let out a loud, fake, irritated breath and said, “Fine”.  She squealed and pulled me by my arm over to the couch and sat us down.  She tried to pull herself together and smooth her face giving me her full attention.

I rolled my eyes again before saying, “We got in a fight…..that lead to a make out session on the Camaro….and now we are official.” I said it matter-of-fact, but couldn’t help the smile that broke out on my face as I remembered the events of the day.

“FINALLY!” She squealed.  “The sexual tension was getting too thick for my blood.  Fourth of July was the worst!!” She finished.

I chuckled a little and said, “Yeah”.

“No Der seriously……I’m so happy for you two.  It’s so obvious you two care about each other.  It’s about time you guys pulled your head out of your asses,” Cora told me with a smile.

“Yeah….I just don’t want to fuck this up Cora.  I really care about him and we both still have some baggage.  I want to do it right,” I told her sincerely.

She reached over and grabbed my hand, “I know you do.  And it’s not going to be easy, especially with you two….but it will be worth it,” she told me.

“He is,” I agreed.  After a moment of silence I remembered Cora was the one who had something to tell me.  “Hey….what did you want to tell me?” I asked.

“Oh! I have some good news of my own.  I passed the CBEST.  It’s one of the exams I need to have for the credentialing program,” she told me with a proud smile on her face.

“That’s great Cora!” I said bringing her in for a hug and squeezing tightly.

“Thanks….” She said squeezing back.  When she pulled away she looked down at her hands like she wanted to say more but was nervous.

“What’s up?’ I asked trying to get her to look at me.

“Well…..I was thinking I could maybe reward myself for a job well done…..with a trip,” Cora said to her hands still not looking at me.

“Ok….” I said.  My gut was wrenching scared she was going to say she wanted to go to Colombia and then stay.

“I was thinking maybe I could go to New York….and visit Isaac?” She asked peering up at me through her lashes.  I was relieved then registered what she said.

“Isaac?” I asked.

Cora blushed and looked down at her hands again, “Yeah…we really hit it off when he was here and we’ve talked almost every day since he left.  I really like him Derek…..” She trailed off and her blush deepened.

I never knew Isaac well when he was in high school, but I knew enough to trust he would do right by Cora.  And Stiles trusted him and that’s not to be taken lightly.

“Cora…I don’t get a say in what you do.  You are an adult and if you want to go see Isaac then go,” I told her.

“Derek….your opinion means everything to me.  I need to know what you think,” she replied.

I smiled, “I think that Isaac is a good guy and if you want to go see him and he makes you happy then go”.

She squealed and threw herself at me making me fall onto the couch.  “Thank you Derek!” She cried into my ear.  I laughed and patted her back.  She pushed herself off of me and I sat up.

“When did you want to go?” I asked.

“Next Thursday”.

“Next Thursday?” I asked.

“Yeah…..I could fly out Thursday and come back on Tuesday.  That will give me time to study for the next set of exams I need to take the first week of August," she explained.

“Ok….get the tickets and I’ll plan on taking you and picking you up.”

Cora leaned in again and gave me a hug, “I love you Derek,” she said in my ear.

“Love you too Cora”.

I watched her skip to her room dialing a number on her phone.  I loved seeing her so happy.  This would be the first time since going to Colombia that I will be away from Cora for more than a day or so.  I took my phone out of my pocket and twirled it in my hands.  I could ask Stiles to stay with me.  It would be the first time we’ve been in the loft together since I left.  But things were different now and I’m hoping enough time has passed that we could handle the ghosts that may still haunt us here. 

I reluctantly decided to take a shower.  I was sticky from sweat, but Stiles’ scent was all over me and I didn’t want to lose it.  After the shower I decided to text Stiles.

Derek: What are you doing next weekend?

Stiles: I don’t know…I’m taken now…..I gotta check my schedule…..

Derek: Stay with me?

Stiles: What do you mean?

Ehh…I didn’t want to text anymore so I decided to call. Stiles picked up before the first ring finished.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” I said back.  Now I was nervous.  What if it was too much too soon? I did say I wanted to take it slow.

“So….what were you asking? Stiles asked after a pause.

“Cora is going to New York to see Isaac next week and I thought maybe you could stay with me while she’s gone," I explained.

“So is this your idea of taking it slow?” He teased.

“I said stay with me not have your way with me Stiles,” I replied with a chuckle.

“Then no,” he said flatly.

“NO?” I said incredulously.

Stiles started laughing, “I’m kidding Derek! Of course I’ll stay with you, but I cannot be held responsible for the things I try to do.  My impulse control is a force all its own”.

“I’m sure I’ll manage,” I said humorously.

We both laughed and then silence hit again.  I could feel the nervous energy through the phone. 

“Stiles….if you don’t feel comfortable….” I started to say, but he cut me off.

“It’s not that….it’s just…..the last memory with you there kinda broke me," he said in almost a whisper.

“I know…..so let’s make better memories there yeah?” I said lightly.

“Yeah….” He trailed off.

“Hey….it’ll be fine.  But if it’s too much I can take you home,” I reassured him.

“You will not! I will make it the weekend Derek.  I am not giving up this time with you.” He said it so firmly my head snapped back a little.  “Sorry…..I didn’t mean it to come out so harsh.  I just mean that too much has been ruined by the ghosts of our past.  I don’t want that time to be a part of that.”

“Ok…I get it.”

We talked about the details.  I would pick him up after dropping Cora off at the airport.  I would spend the rest of this week and the beginning of next week working late on the house.  I would talk to the crew tomorrow to see if they would be willing to work long days until next Wednesday, when the pre-inspection for electrical and plumbing happened, and then we would take a long weekend.  I have no doubt they will all be onboard.  Stiles would take that time to get all his assignments and reading done and get in some time with Scott and the rest of the pack and his dad.  I wanted to ask if his dad said anything about the make out session he saw, but kept it to myself.  He’ll tell me if I need to know.  I’m pretty sure John is Ok with us being together, but he probably doesn’t want to see it in his driveway.

We said our goodnights, but they lingered; neither of us wanting to hang up like some clichéd teenage movie or romantic comedy.  We probably wouldn’t see each other a lot over the next week and a half, but that just meant the time we get will be that much better.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Stiles' POV.

Stiles

 

I finished my call with Derek and lay back on my bed letting out a long breath processing everything that had happened today.  To say it was an emotional rollercoaster would be appropriate on every level.  I spent the day angry and confused then it transformed into sweet euphoria when Derek kissed me.  Our make out sessions were everything I had ever expected them to be and more.  I didn’t want them to stop and I definitely want them to go further, but I will try to honor Derek’s “let’s go slow”, but I’m making no promises. 

When I came home I made sure to beeline for my room avoiding my dad.  I needed to process everything before talking to him about it, but now I have to mention me staying with him next weekend.  Not that he really has a say….I’m an adult, but I’m interested in what he has to say about it.  I made my way down the stairs and into the living room where my dad was drinking beer and watching a game.

“Hey son,” he greeted me as I entered not turning his head from the TV.

“Hey dad,” I said and plopped down on the other side of the couch checking the game’s score and seeing who was playing.  We watched the game in silence for awhile.  I was hoping he would ask me about what he saw in the driveway, but he wouldn’t.  He was letting me figure it out.

“So…..Derek and I……” I trailed off hoping he would take the bait and ask.  He just sipped his beer and said, “Derek and you…..”

Why do I feel like I’m in high school all over again! I am a grown man.  I can tell my dad I have a boyfriend.  Boyfriend--yeah….I like that.

“Derek and I are together now.  I just thought you would want to know,” I told him watching the game.

“About time,” he said taking another sip of his beer.  I looked over at him and he started to smile.

“You are such an ass dad!” I said.

“Hey!” He yelled leaning over and slapping me upside the head.  I chuckled and mumbled, “Well you are,” as I rubbed the back of my head.

We fell silent for a bit before my dad spoke again.  “I’m happy for you kid.  If this is what you want and you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“I’m happy and scared and excited and anxious…..” I trailed off trying to pick out more emotions that are going through me.

“Love will do that to you,” My dad said cutting me off.

“Whoa…..slow down dad.  Let’s just go with strong like for now,” I objected.  Because I know I’m in love with Derek.  I’ve been in love with him for a long time, but I’m not ready to throw that around just yet.  And my dad isn’t going to be told before Derek.

“Ok kid…ok” he said with a laugh.

“Cora’s going to New York next weekend and Derek asked me to stay with him,” I told my dad.  I wasn’t asking.  I’m going, but it was more of an invitation to let him tell me what he thought about it.

He started to nod his head then turned to me locking eyes.  “I know these past few years have been hell for you son, but I’ve seen how much you’ve grown these past few months.  You know what you can and can’t handle.  I trust you and you should trust yourself.”

“I want this dad…..I want him.  I have for a long time,” I told him.

“I know you have kid.  No relationship is easy.  It takes patience, compromise, and trust.  I have no doubt that you and Derek will make it work.  Just remember that it can’t always be all good or all bad.  Relish the good days and fight like hell on the bad ones.  Just do it together.”

He had water in his eyes as he talked to me.  I can always tell when he’s thinking about my mom and right now he is reflecting on their relationship.  I reached over and squeezed his hand saying, “Thanks dad”.

We settled back into the couch and finished the game.  That conversation got deeper than I had anticipated, but it was what I needed to hear.  I want this with Derek and I will fight for it every day.

 

I swear the week was moving as slow as possible on purpose.  Even though I tried to keep myself busy with homework, Scott, Lydia, and even Isaac when we Skyped and he was freaking out about Cora coming and what if she hates him and wants to leave…blah, blah, blah.  My dad had the weekend off so we took a small camping trip up to the Oregon coast, but when we got back late Sunday I still had four days to get through before I was heading over to Derek’s for our weekend together. 

Derek and I texted off and on, but I know he wanted everything ready for the inspection.  He was going out to the house early and coming home late.  With all this anticipation mounting I don’t know if I’ll be able to not attack him as soon as I walk through the door.

Monday went by pretty quickly because I slept most of it.  I felt exhausted from our camping trip.  When I was awake I was working on homework.  Tuesday morning I went to breakfast with my dad and Scott then helped Scott in the animal clinic. 

When I got home I showered and made a late dinner with my dad.  I texted Derek, but haven’t heard from him.  I wasn’t worried, just disappointed.  I missed him and knowing he was so close and I couldn’t be with him was starting to drive me insane. 

I checked my phone again, but still no response from Derek.   I settled in on my bed and started to play a movie on my laptop.  My eyes started to feel heavy. As I started to let them stay closed longer and longer I heard my window being opened.  My eyes snapped over to the sound and I watched long muscular legs step through.

“Hi,” I said with a smile of my face.

“Hi,” Derek said back wasting no time getting to me on the bed.  He moved the laptop off my lap, cupped my face, and leaned in for a deliciously slow kiss.  He broke away from me before I could deepen it pulling our foreheads together and inhaling my scent.

“God I missed you,” he told me.

“Hmmmm…..me too,” I replied still feeling the effects of the kiss.  Derek chuckled and then took a seat beside me. 

“How was camping?” Derek asked once he was settled.

“It was fine…a good distraction,” I told him almost pouting.  Derek laughed again and leaned in for another kiss.  This time I wasn’t letting him stop me.  My hands tangled into his hair as I pulled him closer to me.  I bit his lip making him growl.  Taking advantage of his partially opened mouth so I could push my tongue through his lips and gently nudge his.  Derek groaned and opened his mouth fully allowing me access.

I moved from my sitting position and straddled Derek.  He moved his hands from my lower back to my ass and lifted pulling us further onto the bed so both my knees were comfortable and had more leverage.  With that movement our kiss became more frantic and I started to grind into his growing cock.  Gasps and moans were escaping the both of us as we pushed into each other.  I pushed Derek back onto the bed and broke our kiss so I could run my tongue and teeth down his jawline down to his neck.  I bit and sucked knowing that I couldn’t leave a mark, but tried anyway.  Derek growled and flipped me on my back pinning me to the bed with his hips and my hands over my head.

Derek was gasping for breath and had his eyes closed trying to regain some composure.  I wiggled underneath him and tried to reach his mouth.  Derek let out another growl, but this one was a warning.

“Slow Stiles…..we said we’d take it slow…..” he finally said.

“Ah come on Derek!” I whined.

Derek smiled and kissed the end of my nose, “We have time Stiles….I’m not going anywhere,” he told me searching my eyes.

I let out a defeated yet understanding sigh and closed my eyes, “Yeah Ok…..I can wait two more days,” I told him only half joking.

“Stiles…..” Derek said lightheartedly.

I opened my eyes, “What? I said I’d try dude.  Lack of impulse control…clearly…..” I said widening my eyes to emphasize my point.

Derek laughed a little, kissed my forehead and pulled me up positioning us in a cuddling position.  I was the little spoon and I’ve decided it’s my most favorite place to be.

Derek ran his fingers through my hair lulling me to sleep.  As my eyes started to drift again he asked, “What do you want to do this weekend?”

“You,” I said automatically.  I felt him stiffen just briefly before he poked his finger in my rib. “Hey!” I yelled in protest.

“Be serious,” he told me trying not to laugh.

“You know I am being serious, but I really don’t care Derek, I just want to be with you,” I told him sincerely.

“OK,” he said kissing the back of my head.  Derek continued to play with my hair and I fell asleep feeling warm and safe.  When I woke up the next morning he was gone, but he left me a note on the pillow he was using.

32 hours…….

I grabbed the note and smiled--32 more hours until I was at Derek’s loft with him for four days.  I was both ecstatic and terrified.


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Derek's POV--Derek and Stiles navigate their new relationship and are in the loft together for the first time since Derek left. Some of this chapter (towards the end) is NSFW.

Derek

 

I made my way out to the house early to do one final walk through before the inspector was due.  Everything looked really good.  The crew worked hard more than happy to have a long weekend.  Just as I finished and walked through the front door I saw Carl pull up with Bo and Jesse trailing behind him.  We still had another hour before the inspector was due, but we wanted to all do our own walk through to see if we missed anything. 

Hellos were exchanged and everyone got to work.  Jesse was quieter around me after that day with Stiles.  The next time he saw me he said he wished I would have just told him that there was something between them, but he should have saw it.  Jesse said it became obvious when we were so mad at each other.  He wished us well and moved on about his work day. 

The inspector showed up five minutes early.  He was taller than me and broader in the shoulders.  His skin was a shade darker than mine and although his features seemed harsh he was a very polite man.  He introduced himself as Paul Hudson and began his tour of the house.  Bo and I stayed close, but didn’t get in his way.  We answered questions whenever Paul threw them at us and would nod without saying a word.  

Almost three hours later Paul walked to his car finishing filling out the paperwork attached to his clipboard.  He was very thorough which I appreciated.  He gestured for Bo and I to join him by his truck to go over what he found.

“The work you’ve done so far is impressive,” Paul said as we reached him.

“Thank you,” Bo replied with a proud smile on his face.  “We have a great crew, but this guy has put in most hours.” He continued patting me on the shoulder.

Paul looked up at me, “You’ve done a great job so far.  I see no corrections that need to be made and that is very rare,” he told me.

“Thank you sir, I appreciate that,” I said blushing slightly.  I never did well with compliments.

“Do you have your contractor’s license?” Paul asked.

“No sir,” I said shaking my head.  “Bo is the contractor in charge of this project,” I explained.

Bo laughed, “No…..I’m the one with the license, but don’t let Derek fool you; he knows what he’s doing and is precise in how it gets done.  We all follow his lead,” he said.

“Well like I said, it’s impressive.  I would definitely consider it Mr. Hale,” Paul told me while ripping off the paperwork after he stamped “approved” on the top.  “Good luck with the rest of the house.  I’d love to be a part of the final inspection.  Here’s my card,” Paul finished handing me and Bo his card.

“Thank you,” I told him sincerely as he walked to the driver’s side door of his truck.  I watched him pull away and Bo whistled and clapped my back.  Carl and Jesse met us where we were standing.

“We good?” Carl asked.

“Yes sir!” Bo yelled.  Everyone cheered and exchanged handshakes.  We’ve been busting our asses and it feels good to be able to move forward on the next stage of the house. 

“Let’s pack everything up and go celebrate.  Lunch is on me guys,” I told everyone.  More cheers were yelled and we packed up heading into town towards the diner.  We spent another two hours eating and talking about the next phase of the house.  We made a plan for when we came back on Wednesday and everyone parted ways on a celebratory high going into a long weekend. 

I wanted to go straight to Stiles to tell him the good news, but wanted to have some time with it myself.  I drove to the loft and thought about what Paul said.  In school I was a finance major.  I was good with money and could either work behind the scenes or in the mix of all the money craziness.  I haven’t thought about what I wanted to do since I moved to New York with Laura.  Money doesn’t interest me anymore.  But the feeling I get using my hands and building things is something I love.  It’s almost a therapy for me now and I can’t imagine what I’ll do when the house is done.  I loved working in the village in Colombia and could see myself doing more of that.  I had the luxury of not carrying the burden of worrying about money.   I could choose something based on what I loved. 

I got up from my bed where I had ended up after my shower and opened my laptop.  I looked up what it would take to get my contractor’s license and what I could do with it.  I was so engrossed in what I was doing that I didn’t hear Cora coming towards my room.

“Whatcha doing brother?” She asked plopping down on my bed.

I closed my laptop a bit startled and said, “Nothing”.

She narrowed her eyes at me and I glared back.  I wouldn’t be telling anyone about this until I figured it out for myself.

“Fine,” Cora said pouting a little.  “What are we having for dinner?” she asked instead of pushing the issue.

“Leftovers,” I told her.

“What? I’m leaving for five days and I don’t even get a special meal?” She yelled making her pout deepen.

“We’ve managed longer Cora,” I said rolling my eyes.

“Ugh…..come on.  Let’s go out to eat…please?” Cora begged pushing out her lip and fluttering her lashes.

“Fine…..are you packed?” I asked.

Cora shot off the bed and gave me a hug, “Oh yeah….I’ve been packed since Monday.  Now take me to dinner,” she said grabbing my arm and pulling me out of my chair.

 

I dropped Cora off at the airport a few hours before her flight took off.  It was fun to see her so excited about the trip.  She’s been working really hard and the next year will be busy if—no—when she gets into the credential program. 

I sent a text to Stiles to let him know I was on my way to the grocery store before heading back to the loft.  I was going to cook him dinner and wanted to stock my place with a lot of food.  It didn’t take me long and I let Stiles know I would be home soon.  He was welcome any time.  He didn’t respond and as I pulled into the parking lot I realized why.  His Jeep was parked next to my spot and I could hear his heartbeat over the sound of my engine.

I pulled up next to him turning off my car and got out walking toward his window.  When I got to him he was wearing a goofy smile that read “surprise”, but felt anxious.  I opened his door and said, “Eager much?” with a laugh.

“I’ve been packed for hours dude! I couldn’t just sit at home anymore.  Hope it’s Ok.”

“Shut up,” I said smiling and leaning down to place a kiss on his lips.  “You can help me with the groceries,” I told him as I walked toward my trunk.

“Yes sir,” he said saluting me and meeting me by the opened trunk.

Stiles put the strap of his bag on his shoulder and carried a few bags while I carried the rest.  We made our way to the building and as we neared Stiles’ heart rate began to pick up and I could smell the anxiety and distress on him.  I couldn’t reach out and grab his hand like I wanted to so instead, I said, “Hey” grabbing his attention before saying, “I’ve got you” and placing a kiss on his forehead.  He smiled up at me, but it was weak.  I don’t think there is anything I can do to make him calm down.  I know how I felt when I came back.

The elevator ride was short and I stepped out immediately when it reached my floor.  Stiles hesitated before taking a tentative step forward.  He finally made it out and jumped a little when the doors closed behind him.  I watched him trying to control his breathing and close his eyes willing himself to calm down. 

Stiles must have had a pep talk with himself or gained some courage because his heart rate started to slow and he snapped his eyes up to meet mine.  He gave me a smile and nod to indicate he was ready.

I unlocked the door and pulled it open grabbing the bags I had placed on the ground and walked in.  I went straight for the kitchen.  I didn’t want Stiles to think I was coddling him, but I could hear him if I felt he needed some help.  He lingered by the door then made his way to the kitchen helping me unpack the groceries in silence. 

I could smell all kinds of emotions—worry, hurt, regret, excitement, anxiety, and a wavering contentment.  Once the groceries were put away I walked over to him and enclosed him in my arms pulling him tight to my chest.  His arms automatically circled around my waist and he melted into me with a long sigh. 

We stood there for a long time while his emotions settled.  I pulled back and asked, “You good?”

“Yeah…..I’m good,” he replied with a small smile. 

I leaned down and placed a kiss on the tip of his upturned nose.  “I want to cook for you,” I told him pulling fully out of our embrace.

“Oh yeah….what’s on the menu?” he asked playfully.

“Cheesy chicken and broccoli with rice” I replied going into the refrigerator.

“Yum…..that sounds delicious.  Want some help?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said and handed him the broccoli to wash and cut. 

We maneuvered around each other seamlessly and Stiles remembered where everything was.  I hadn’t changed anything from before I left.  Sometimes I would just watch him move around the kitchen effortlessly.  Watch his skillful hands wash and cut, stir and grip.  I liked him in this space with me.  It felt comfortable, familiar—right.

The banter and conversation seemed to be effortless as well. We didn’t feel the need to fill the silence and communicated in other ways.  Small touches, glances, and hand gestures.  When we did talk it was about Cora and Isaac, about the inspection and how well it went, and what we wanted to do over the weekend.

While the chicken and rice cooked we cleaned up our mess.  I washed and he dried.  It was like we’ve been doing this for years.  This was just another meal created together and we each filled our roles.  I could definitely get used to this.

We settled in at the table once dinner was done and Stiles took the first bite.  His eyes closed and a satisfied groan left his mouth.  I watched as his long fingers gripped the fork, the food entered his open mouth then closed around his fork, and he pulled it out slowly.  Bite after bite was the same with some type of noise escaping.  It was making me squirm in my seat.

“I can’t tell if you’re eating or trying out for a porno,” I said distracted.  I hadn’t even taken a bite yet.  Stiles’ eyes popped open with the fork in midair ready for another bite.

“Uhhh….sorry……It’s just really good,” he said not sounding sorry at all and glancing down at my plate.  “Oh….is it distracting you?” He asked batting his eyelashes trying to sound innocent.

I glared at him and responded, “Just…..cut down on the noises.” I stabbed a piece of my chicken a bit harder than necessary and took my first bite.  It really was good.  Stiles was laughing, but took his next bite without a sound, just a smug smile. 

After the rest of dinner was cleaned up we settled onto the couch to watch a movie Stiles brought over.  Looks like Star Wars Episode IV won.  I lay down against the couch with Stiles in front of me and combed my fingers through his hair.  I loved the feel of it and it seemed to relax him.  I could tell he wasn’t paying much attention.  He would glance to certain areas of the room and I could hear his heartbeat rising.  When he did that I would place small kisses on his head or by his ear and tug a little on his hair. 

Soon his heartbeat became steady and his weight fell deeper into me.  I could tell he had fallen asleep.  I settled further into the couch and pulled him into me wrapping my arm around him.  Yeah…..this definitely felt right.

 

I woke up alone on the couch the next morning with the smell of bacon, eggs, and what I think may be pancakes coming from the kitchen.  Soft music is playing in the background and Stiles is doing his best to sing quietly and in tune.  I stretched out long on the couch before walking into the kitchen.  Stiles had his back to me and I watched him move his hips, stop to do a hand gesture with the music, turn a pancake, then flip the bacon.  I could feel the smile form on my face while I leaned against the wall, folded my arms over my chest and enjoyed the show.

After a few minutes Stiles turned slightly and caught me out of the corner of his eye.  It made him jump flipping a pancake up so high it almost hit the ceiling and it landed in the sink.

“Ah fucking hell Derek!” He yelled.

I chuckled and pushed off the wall striding towards him.  “You’re so fucking adorable,” I told him kissing his lips.

“Don’t laugh at me.  And you’re supposed to be sleeping! I’m making you breakfast in bed…..well…..couch.” He said slightly pouting.

“And miss the show? Oh no……this was a perfect way to wake up,” I teased reaching in for another kiss.  Stiles put the spatula between us to block my attempt.

“Oh no you don’t.  Go sit on the couch and wait for me.  Plus…..if you’d let me I could find a lot better ways for you to wake up.” Stiles said with a wicked grin turning his back on me.

I let out a playful growl and did as I was told.  Stiles walked in a couple minutes later with a tray full of food and a glass of orange juice. 

“Looks good,” I said as he placed it in front of me a little impressed he made it this far without spilling anything.

“Thanks,” he said sitting down next to me.  There were two plates with four strips of bacon, four pancakes, and scrambled eggs on each.  I took a bite and made a ridiculous sound that was supposed to be approval squeezing my eyes shut.

I could feel Stiles’ eyes on me so I turned and looked at him asking, “What?”

“Don’t do that,” he said with a slight blush shoving a piece of bacon in his mouth.  I just started laughing and continued with my food. 

We finished our breakfast in companionable silence and I insisted I do the dishes.  Stiles followed me into the kitchen and helped.

“So….what’s the plan for today?” Stiles asked putting the last dish in the dishwasher.

“What were you thinking?” I asked.  I really didn’t have a plan.  As long as I was with Stiles I didn’t care what we did.

Stiles shrugged and looked down.  “I don’t care really.  Just want to spend time with you,” he said still not meeting my eyes. 

“Hey,” I said lifting his chin with my finger so he had to look up at me.  “Movie or TV marathon, snacks, couch, cuddling…..” I trailed off at Stiles’ wicked grin when I said “cuddling”.  No doubt he’ll want more. 

“Deal,” Stiles said, “But first I want to shower”.

“OK,” I agreed kissing his forehead.

I lead Stiles toward the bathroom and explained how the shower worked and got him a towel.  Just as I was leaving he said, “You know….you could join me if you wanted.”

I paused mid stride and growled in warning to him and to myself because if I thought about that offer too long I may not have the strength to resist.  I continued walking and shut the door behind me.

Stiles took a long shower which I didn’t mind.  I could practically hear his mind at work.  He was a bit quieter when he met me on the couch.  I told him I wanted to rinse off real quick too and kissed him quickly before heading into the bathroom.  I tried to go as fast as I could.  I could smell the unease rippling off of him.

After I got dressed I sat down next to Stiles and asked what we were watching.

“Two choices….we could go with funny and power through Always Sunny in Philadelphia or serious and watch House of Cards?” Stiles replied turning to me for an answer.

“Let’s go with funny for now,” I said with a smile.  Stiles nodded and found it on Netflix.  I settled into the corner of the couch with my feet laid out hoping Stiles would lay with me, but instead he went to the other side and put his legs out as well.  They touched, but I could feel the distance between us.  I let it go for now, but would try to fix it later.

After four quick episodes I noticed Stiles relaxing more, but he still hasn’t made any move to get closer to me.  I told him I wanted to pause for snacks and grabbed a bunch of junk food and soda and brought it  to the living room.  We started the next episode and ate in silence. 

Clearly something was on his mind, but he was trying to be casual.  I decided to give him a little more time.  Once we started the sixth episode we went to our respective corners of the couch and settled in.  Stiles was a little closer and his leg was on top of mine instead of on the couch; so I reached out and pulled him a bit closer massaging his foot.  His eyes snapped up to mine then closed as a groan escaped his mouth.

“Oh that feels good…..” he said as he leaned back into the corner and gave me more of his leg.  I massaged his foot and calf then switched to his other.  When I was done with both legs I just ran my fingers up and down in a soothing motion.

I was watching the show, but could see Stiles looking at me out of the corner of my eye.  He had that look…..the one he got when he was trying to solve a puzzle.  He was trying to figure something out and I could smell the waning emotions.  They were changing so quickly I couldn’t grab onto one. 

Stiles’ expression changed to a more determined look and pulled himself up, leaned forward and started to crawl towards me.  I turned toward him just as he reached me.  He cupped my face and pulled me into a kiss.  Slow and gentle with no rush to make it more.  My hands moved to his side then slowly down to his hips.

Stiles pushed me so my back was against the back of the couch and he straddled me.  He pulled back and searched my eyes.

“I figured you said we were taking things slow….which indicates at least some movement.  So I just made it to first base and am hoping you’ll at least let me steal second.”

A slow smile formed on my face and Stiles matched it.  He leaned in and placed a kiss on my forehead, and then the tip of my nose, to my cheek, then made his way back to my mouth.  He pushed his tongue to the crease in my mouth and I opened it for him inviting him in.  Stiles still moved slowly and I followed his lead.

I could feel his restraint and smell his building arousal.  I felt his hands move from the back of my neck down to my shoulders, down my arms, and then to the bottom of my shirt.  He hesitated slightly then moved his hands up my shirt and traced the small patch of hair coming down from my belly button leading to my growing cock.  His hands stayed there briefly before moving up to my abs and then further up to my pecs. 

I could feel Stiles’ growing erection and I know he had to feel mine, but he made no move to cause any friction.  My grip on his hips started to tighten just as Stiles started to deepen the kiss and continue to rub my chest. 

I was so lost in him only focusing on my senses.  The way he tasted, smelled, and felt was surrounding me.  My hips started to move on their own causing the friction I so desperately wanted.  Stiles started to move with me and before I noticed my shirt was off and thrown aside.  Stiles broke our kiss and started mouthing my neck and sucking hard then bit down.

“Fuck Stiles!” I cried out pushing up meeting his thrust.  He just groaned smugly and licked the faded bite mark as if to make it all better. 

I growled and in one swift motion I ripped off his shirt and started my own adventure with my mouth down Stiles’ body.  I started at the nape of his neck and sucked hard leaving a bruise.  He leaned back allowing me access to his chest.  I took my tongue and made a trail to his Adam’s apple then down to his nipple enclosing it and sucking.

“Oh god yes!" Stiles yelled out pushing his straining cock into me harder.  He was fucking me through our jeans and I was meeting every thrust.  My hands moved up to his shoulders and I pushed him down harder then they snapped back to his hips for better leverage. 

Our thrusts were frantic and needy picking up pace searching for our release.  Stiles’ grip tightened on my shoulders and I knew he was close.  I cradled him and flipped him onto his back on the couch.  His legs immediately wrapped around mine and he held on while I pounded into him.

“Yes Derek….holy shit….” Stiles gasped out between sloppy wet kisses and nips to our lips.  “Derek….Derek….I’m gonna….holy fuck……Derek” He almost screamed out my name at the end biting down on my shoulder as he came.  I called out his name in a growl and found my own release.

I collapsed half on top of Stiles and half on the couch so I didn’t crush him.  He was trying to steady his breathing and had his eyes closed. 

As I tried to steady my own breaths I moved my left hand to my forehead.  I did not expect that to happen.  I wanted it….and it felt amazing, but that wasn’t the slow I was hoping to keep going.  Moving slow had nothing to do with how much I wanted Stiles because clearly…..he makes me resort back to a teenager, but it has to do with Stiles trusting me completely.

From the smell of it Stiles is feeling pretty euphoric and probably ready for a nap.  As much as I want to share in his bliss, I can’t help but feel uneasy and a little mad at myself for not stopping it.

Stiles rolled over and propped himself up on my chest with a smile on his face.  “I guess we stole third and got ourselves an infield homerun,” he said.

I chuckled and pushed back his hair letting my hand slide down behind his ear to cup his face.  “Yeah…I guess we did,” I replied giving him a small smile. 

His smile thinned out a little bit and he asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said trying to smile bigger, but it wasn’t reaching my eyes and he could tell.  Stiles lost his smile completely and pushed up off my chest and tried to crawl over me off the couch.  I grabbed his arm to stop him, but he pulled it out and got to his feet looking for his shirt.

I got off the couch and reached for him turning him to me, “Stiles stop.”  He wouldn’t meet my eyes and I could smell the sense of rejection and humiliation.  I panicked.

“Hey,” I said raising his chin up so he would have to look at me.  He was being stubborn and kept his eyes looking everywhere but at me.  “Stiles look at me” I said firmly.  Once he was looking in my eyes I said, “I wanted that….I want YOU.”

Stiles pushed back, “Don’t use your wolfy powers on me Derek! Something is bothering you so if you aren’t going to tell me then I’m going to go clean my fucking jeez off of me and change my pants like I did in high school!”  He yelled then paused giving me two seconds to decide if I was going to tell him what was wrong then deciding he didn’t care and walking to the bathroom slamming the door.

I let out a deep breath and closed my eyes.  I fucked that up big time.  I walked back to the couch and picked up my shirt then headed for the bedroom.  I changed my boxers and jeans and put on some sweatpants and another shirt.  I smelled like Stiles and I didn’t want that to go away.  I sat at the edge of my bed dropping my head in my hands trying to figure out how to fix this. 

Stiles stayed in the bathroom for a long time before coming into the room with his towel around his waist and shirt on from earlier.

Realizing he needed to change I stood up and said, “I’ll go start dinner.”

“What? Don’t want to see me naked and add one more thing to your list of regrets?" He spit out with his back to me digging through his bag.

“Fucking hell Stiles! I don’t regret that!” I nearly yelled.  He was starting to piss me off.

He turned around and threw his hands up, “then what the fuck is your problem?” He asked trying for brave, but his voice wavered.  He was hurt.

I took a deep breath and a step towards him.  I had to tell him how I felt.  It wasn’t fair for him not to know my reasons for taking it slow.

“Stiles,” I said gently.  He crossed his arms and hugged himself.  “That wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t want it….if I didn’t want you.”

“Then why are we taking it slow?  And don’t give me the same bullshit as you did the day at the house,” he cut in.

I took a deep breath before beginning.  “You think I want to take it slow?  You don’t think that I think about you every second of the day.  How good it will be when we finally take that step? Because I do Stiles.  Every.  Fucking. Day.  But I also know that I’ve rushed into that before and it has turned out beyond bad and I need to know that you trust me—with everything,” I said pausing to let it sink in.

“I do trust you Derek.  I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t,” Stiles told me.

I shook my head before continuing taking another step toward him, “You trust me enough to come here and spend time with me, to kiss me and laugh with me, to tell me about your day and to push back when necessary, but Stiles I want all of it….I want all of you.  That means that I need to know the messy parts too.  I need to hear about those four years I was gone.”  Stiles’ eyes got big and his heart rate picked up.

“I’m not saying now Stiles.  I will wait as long as I need to because like I’ve told you before, I’m not going anywhere.  Stiles, I care about you more than I’ve ever cared about anyone.  I want you in every way for as long as you’ll allow me to have you.  But I need to know every part of you--the good, the bad, the messy.  You were with me for most of mine.  And what you weren’t there for you know about and I told you everything from when I was gone.  And you’re still here.  You need to trust me and tell me everything not only because I need it, but because you need to know that there is nothing you will tell me that will make me leave or l…..care about you any less than I do.”

I was standing in front of him now touching his arms and peering into his eyes.  He was trying to hold back tears.  I moved my hand to his cheek to catch the tear that escaped and Stiles closed his eyes and leaned into my hand. 

I pulled him into a hug and he wrapped his arms around my waist trying to pull me so close I thought we might melt into one.  After a few minutes he whispered in my ear, “I get it.  I’m sorry for pushing.”

I pulled back and met his gaze.  “No….I should have said something sooner.  I never want you to think that I don’t want to be with you Stiles.  That is so far from the truth.  I just need you to trust me completely before we take that step.  You’re too important to me and I can’t screw this up with you.”

He gave me a weak smile and kissed the tip of my nose before pulling out of my embrace.  He was still wearing the towel around his waist so I excused myself heading for the kitchen to grab some water.  When I came back to the room he had changed into gym shorts and was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Here,” I said handing him the glass of water.

“Thanks,” he replied.

Silence stretched between us for a few minutes.  I grabbed the glass out of Stiles’ hand and sat down on the bed moving to the middle.

“Come here,” I told him reaching out my arms.  Stiles looked over his shoulder then crawled to me.  I laid down and pulled him with me so he could rest his head on my chest.  We intertwined our legs and I automatically started playing with his hair.  As soon as my fingers reached his scalp, Stiles let out a contented sigh.

“I love when you do that,” he said before yawning.

“I know,” I told him, leaning down and kissing his forehead.

His breathing started to even out and within five minutes he was asleep.  I looked down and watched his back rise and fall with steady movements, how every so often his eyes would move as if he may be dreaming, and as his lips parted slightly.  I almost slipped earlier and told him how I felt.  Used the word I wanted to shout, but knew he wasn’t ready to hear.  

I am completely in love with Stiles.  Have been for a long time and eventually I’ll tell him, but for right now I’m going to just enjoy the way his weight feels against my chest.

 

The weight from my chest was gone and no light was peering in from the window any longer.  I reached out across the bed to find nothing but my blankets and sheets.  I got up and walked out of the room to see Stiles standing by the large table in front of the window.

He was standing in the exact spot I stood that night I said goodbye to him four years ago.  I know he heard me, but made no efforts to acknowledge me.  I looked down to see he was running his fingers over the claw marks I had left when I had gripped the table too tight and was trying to remain calm.

“Stiles…..what are you doing?” I asked taking a hesitant step forward.  He just continued to watch his fingers trace the marks.

“Stiles,” I said again taking another step forward.  His head moved up slowly to look out the window.

“That night…..the night you left……It broke me,” he said in almost a distant voice.  I didn’t say anything just waited and watched.

“I hadn’t felt pain like that since my mom died…..it was like losing a piece of myself,” he continued.  I wanted to go to him, to hold him, but he was opening up and I was going to let him.

“Scott showed up about an hour after you left.  I was curled in the fetal position on the floor with my hand clutching my shirt where my heart was.  I was just staring out into nothing.  I didn’t hear him.  I didn’t feel him pick me up.  I don’t remember going down the elevator, riding in my Jeep, being carried up to my bed, or him lying with me.  I just remember how bad it hurt.”

I let out a whimper at his confession.  I could feel the pain and hurt rolling off of him like he was reliving it.

Stiles turned to finally meet my gaze.  One tear rolled down his cheek.  “I trust you Derek.  And I want you to know all of me…..to have all of me.  So if you’re ready to listen….I’ll tell you everything.


	22. Chapter Twenty-two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Stiles' POV, this gets really NSFW....

Stiles

 

Derek and I sat at opposite sides of the couch both of us staring straight ahead looking at nothing in particular.  The night sky had streaks of yellow, orange, and pink announcing the rising sun.  I had spent hours telling Derek everything from the moment he walked out of the door to the moment he showed up at my house almost four months ago.  He listened to it all, cried with me, apologized, asked for forgiveness, and nearly crushed the TV when I told him about Donavon, but when he looked at me I saw compassion, understanding, and caring.  No judgment, no blame, no apprehension of who I am or what I had done.  All the fear I had felt about losing him all over again faded.

What I came to realize as I relived those painful years was that Derek had to go and if he would have stayed I probably would have pushed him away just as I had Scott, my dad, and the pack.  He would have been the first to go because I cared about him so much; another Stiles causality in my horror saga.  And who was to say he could have stopped any of it from happening?  What if he would have been hurt or killed in the chaos? Would we even be in this moment had he not left?

This is what I processed while Derek worked through his guilt of not being here for me.  I didn’t want him to feel guilty.  What’s done is done and we have an opportunity most don’t get—a second chance.

I slide closer to Derek until my leg was touching his grabbing his hand and intertwining our fingers.  I put my chin on his shoulder and breathed him in.  He relaxed into me tilting his head to kiss my forehead. 

“I’m so sorry Stiles,” he whispered against my forehead.

I leaned back so I could see him.  His eyes were glassy and I couldn’t stand it.

“No,” I said firmly.  “Don’t be sorry Derek.  There’s nothing either of us can do to change it.  And you know what? I don’t want to. Because even though the road we travelled to get where we are, in this moment—together, was rocky, I wouldn’t change it.  Not if it meant I couldn’t have this.  If I couldn’t have you.”

Derek cupped my face and searched my eyes.  “I’ve waited so long for this—for you.  I’m not going anywhere, never again.” He told me with such a serious face I couldn’t help the smile that stretched across mine.

“You know I find your stalker tendencies incredibly sexy.”

“You’re mine,” he told me with such conviction I lost my smile and stared at him with equal seriousness.

“I’m yours,” I agreed.

Derek let out a low growl before crashing our lips together immediately coaxing my lips apart to gain access.  He kissed me with an urgency and fierceness I have never felt before and reveled in it.  My hands tangled in his hair at the nape of his neck as our mouths worked each other. 

Derek’s hands moved from my face to the bottom of my shirt urging it up.  We broke our kiss long enough for him to remove my and his shirts before we were crashing back into each other.  My hands explored his sculpted body rubbing from his chest to his abs then to his navel finally landing on the rim of his sweatpants. 

Derek worked his mouth from my neck down to my chest enclosing my nipple in this mouth.  He licked and tugged making my cock surge in response.  He kissed his way back up to my neck while his hand moved down my chest past my stomach and into my shorts.  Derek wrapped his strong hand around my erection and I let out a whimper.

He moved his hand slowly from tip to base learning every inch of me.  I rocked slowly into his hand enjoying the friction. 

My hands were still gripping the waist of Derek’s pants so I ventured my hand in to return the favor.  His massive cock jolted at my touch and Derek let out a deep growl in his chest. We rocked into each other’s hands jacking eachother off while our tongues tangled together. 

As much as I was enjoying the feel of Derek’s hand I wanted him inside me and it needed to happen soon.  I let go of his erection ignoring the sound of disappointment that escaped Derek, grabbed the waistband of his sweatpants and pulled down watching his magnificent cock spring out.  As Derek moved to take off his pants completely I stood up to remove my shorts.

We stood apart taking in each other’s naked forms basking in the rising sun’s rays.

“You’re fucking perfect,” Derek said reaching for me.  He kissed me gently at first then grew hungry and frantic.  He lowered us down to the couch and settled in between my legs, our cocks rocking against each other.

“Derek…..I need you inside me…..now,” I told him pushing him away breaking our kiss.

Derek searched my eyes, “You’re sure?” He asked.

“Oh god yes Derek…..please” I almost begged.

Derek continued to lock eyes with me then took his middle finger and put it in his mouth, lubricated it with as much spit as he could, then slowly drew it out.

“Roll over,” he told me gently.

I did as he asked and moved to the edge of the couch leaning over the armrest spreading my legs as far as I could.  Derek placed a kiss on the small of my back, spread my ass cheeks, and then slowly inserted his finger.

“Oh shit,” I cried out bucking forward a little. Just his finger made me feel so full.

“You Ok,” Derek asked pausing the movement.

“Yes….don’t stop…it’s good….” I reassured him.

Derek started to move his finger slowly in and out stretching me.  My hips started to move in tandem with his finger just as he added another one.

“Derek please…I’m ready,” I told him.  I need to feel him inside me and if he kept this up I wouldn’t last much longer.

He removed his fingers and I could hear him spit in his hand and rub in on his cock.  His hands moved to spread me open for him and I could feel the tip of his cock on my opening.  My hips moved back to meet him on their own accord and as the tip entered me we both let out groans.

Derek moved so slow entering me letting me stretch.  Once he was in all the way I could feel his balls hitting my ass cheeks. He didn’t move, just waited for my body to adjust to the fullness. It was killing me.

“Move Derek,” I begged pushing into him.

Derek let out a groan and pulled out just slightly then slowly pushed his way back in.  He continued this pace for several thrusts and it was driving me crazy.

“Faster Derek,” I begged.

“Stiles, I don’t want to hurt you,” Derek said gripping my hips tighter to restrain himself.

“I won’t break Derek, fuck me,” I told him sounding desperate.

A deep growl escaped his chest as he gripped my hips even tighter and began to move a bit faster pulling all the way out then pushing in harder with each thrust.

“Yes……harder…..please….” I cried out gripping the armrest for leverage as Derek’s thrusts picked up pace.  He pounded into me pulling all way out then crashing back in balls deep.  I met each thrust as they grew frantic.  Groans and gasps echoed the room with sounds of our flesh slapping against each other.  Derek’s fingers were digging into my hips as he fucked me harder with each thrust surely leaving bruises.

I could feel the buildup in my spine indicating I was close.  Derek pulled out then pushed in hitting the right spot. 

“Oh shit….Derek!” I screamed out coming all over the couch cushion.  Derek picked up the pace and found his own release crying out my name then falling to the side of the couch pulling me into him.

Our breaths were ragged and my body felt like complete jello.  I closed my eyes trying to steady my breathing and matching my breaths with Derek’s.  After a few minutes, Derek started to run his finger up and down my arm.  I opened my eyes and turned to face him.

“You know….I’m beginning to think that you’re the one with an impulse control problem in this relationship,” I told him smiling. 

Derek chucked sleepily, “Yeah….that could be true when it comes to you.”

“I completely support it,” I told him kissing his nose.

“You Ok?” He asked.

“Blissfully fucked and sleepy,” I replied.

“Good,” Derek said standing up.  He reached down and picked me up. “Let’s go to bed,” he told me carrying me to the bedroom.

“A guy could get used to this,” I said.

“That’s the plan,” Derek replied dropping me on the bed. 

Derek settled in behind me pulling me into him covering us with the blanket.  I let out a deep breath and let the feeling of complete contentment wash over me.  I haven’t felt like this in years.  It was like being home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up reaching out and finding the bed empty.  There was a note on Derek’s pillow:

_ Had to run a few errands…there’s food in the microwave.  Be back soon. _

I rolled onto my back and stretched all my limbs, my whole body feeling sore in the best possible way.  I grabbed my phone as I walked toward the kitchen to see what Derek left for me to eat.  The time read 1:47 pm.  I’ve slept most of the day away. 

When I opened the microwave there was a bag from the diner.  Inside was a burger and fries still warm.  He must have dropped it off and left again not too long ago.  I settled on a bar stool and ate feeling ravenous. 

As I finished my lunch I took in how I felt.  Besides feeling the after effects of a good fuck I felt lighter, calmer, settled.  Being in the loft alone didn’t bother me.  It no longer felt haunted by the painful memories of losing Derek, but now memories of finding him, being with him, and loving him. 

I cleaned up my lunch and decided to take a long hot shower.  When I came out of the bathroom and entered the bedroom Derek was putting some things away.

“Hey,” he turned toward me as I entered the room.

“Hey,” I replied walking to him and kissing him gently on the lips.  “Where’d you go?” I asked pulling back, grabbing my bag and putting it on the bed to find something to wear.

“I just wanted to pick up a few things.  How are you feeling today?” He asked tentatively.

I looked up and smiled, “I feel fantastic….amazing…euphoric!” I said

“Ok calm down,” Derek said laughing and shaking his head. 

I finished grabbing my clothes and dropped my towel to start changing.  I heard a low growl coming from Derek and looked over to him.  His eyes were hooded as he racked up and down my body.

“You know……you could join me in the no clothes department…” I said starting to walk toward him.

Derek took a step back and put out his hand, “Stop….we have plans today,” he said huskily.

“We do?” I asked stopping.

Derek cleared his throat and kept his eyes focused on my face, “We do….so get dressed.”  He replied turning around and leaving the room.

I finished dressing and met Derek in the kitchen.  There were two coffees sitting on the counter.

“Oh come to daddy,” I said reaching for one and taking a long sip closing my eyes and enjoying the warmth moving down my throat.

“I opened my eyes to see Derek staring at me with an amused look on his face.  “What?”

Derek shook his head, “nothing,” he replied grabbing his coffee and leaning in to place a kiss on my cheek.  Before he pulled all the way back he whispered, “I just thought you were talking to me,” and nipped at my ear.

I swallowed hard and said, “You keep that up and I might be.”

Derek laughed and asked, “You ready?”

“Where are we going?” I asked in return.

“I figured we could get out for a bit and head over to the next town over.  They have some antique shops I want to look at to see if I like anything for the house,” Derek told me.

“How very domestic of us,” I laughed and took his hand.

Derek laughed in return, but there was something in his eyes….hope maybe.  I couldn’t tell.

The drive only took thirty minutes and we found ourselves in the historic section of the town.  The buildings were old and the street was paved in bricks.  On each side there were antique shops, cafes, a bookstore, and a general store.  We started at the end of one block and worked our way around.

In each store Derek picked up different items and always asked what I thought.  I’d give my opinion, but insist it was up to him, it was his house he was building. 

We made it into the third store and Derek pulled me straight to the back of the shop not stopping to look at anything on the way.  We stopped in front of a long dining room table made of cherry oak.  It could fit at least 15 people around it.  Derek ran his hand across the top.

“This is perfect,” he said in awe.

“It’s a very nice table,” I replied not really knowing what to say.

Derek looked up at me, “it's perfect Stiles.  It looks exactly like the one we had before the fire.  Our pack would fit around it with room for more.”

His eyes were lit up and a bit shiny.  “You’re right,” I told him.  “It is perfect,” I said squeezing his hand.  He nodded once, let go of my hand, and then went looking for the sales clerk.  I watched his retreating back and then looked back down at the table running my fingers along the smooth wood.

Derek returned with a huge grin on his face and it was contagious.

“What’s got you so happy?” I asked returning his smile.

Derek ignored the question, cupped my face, and then pulled me to him kissing me so thoroughly I heard someone cat call.  When he released my face and broke our kiss I could feel the blush creeping up my cheeks.

“I’m just happy Stiles.  Really fucking happy,” he said grabbing my hand and guiding us to the other side of the store to see what else they had. 

We picked out a few other things and added them to the delivery along with the table and chairs.  Derek guided us out of the store and asked, “You hungry?”

“Famished,” I replied.

“We could find something on this strip or I could take you to Enrique’s for some tacos.  It’s only a five minute drive from here,” he told me.

My stomach growled at the mention of tacos and Derek laughed.

“Enrique’s it is then,” he said walking toward the Camaro.

Derek drove to the restaurant still smiling.  He really was happy.  I’ve never seen him like this and it was becoming infectious, but at the same time a little unnerving.  Did something happen that I didn’t know about?  I mean, last night was amazing and something that I’ve wanted for years, but I feel like something else is at work.  And come to think of it, where the hell is he going to store all the stuff he bought today?

“Derek?” I said as we pulled into the parking lot.

“Yeah?” He replied looking over at me as he turned off the engine.

“Where are you going to put all the stuff you bought today?” I asked.

“Oh….I got a large storage unit earlier so I could store anything I found until the house was done.

“Oh,” I replied.

Derek took my hand as we walked into the restaurant and took our seats.  My mind was working overtime.  When did he get up? When and why did he decide that today he needed to get a storage unit? Did he sleep at all?

“Stiles,” Derek said breaking into my thoughts and making me look up.  “What’s got your mind going on overdrive?” He asked.

“I….uh…..I was just thinking,” I responded weakly.

“Clearly,” Derek chuckled reaching across the booth taking my hand in his.  “Talk to me.”

I let out a deep breath, “It just seems you were very productive today and I was just wondering what time you got up and what prompted all this?” I said in a rush.

“Well…..I got up around nine in the morning just felt energized so I decided to do some things that I’ve been meaning to get done.  I thought today would be nice to get out and look at things for the house.”

So simple--what the hell is wrong with me? 

“Oh,” was all I could say.

“Why is this bothering you so much?” Derek asked looking concerned.

“I don’t know,” I said shaking my head and rubbing my face with my other hand.  “You’re just so happy,” I blurted out.

“I am happy.  Why does that make you anxious?” he asked.

“Because I’m happy too and that never happens Derek.  Every time we are happy something comes around to take our feet from under us and that scares me,” I told him.

“Hey…..don’t worry about what may or may not happen.  We have now and I am enjoying you and where we are together.  We reached a big milestone last night.  Something I’ve wanted for years and I’m going to live in it as long as I can.  And if something does show up to try to take it from us we have each other.  We don’t have to fight the shadows alone anymore,” Derek said.

I felt a tear run down my cheek, “I love you so fucking much Derek Hale,” I said without thinking.  I watched a slow smile take over Derek’s face and realized what I had said.  My eyes went wide and I could feel the blush start to creep up my neck and to my cheeks.  Before I could react Derek spoke.

“I’ve loved you for a long time Stiles Stilinski,” he told me getting up from his side of the booth and joined me.  He cupped my face and pulled me to him gently kissing me.  My hands found the hair at the nape of his neck as we continued to kiss each other slowly.

A throat cleared and I looked up to see our waiter holding our plates of food.  We separated, but Derek stayed next to me.  We gave each other one last kiss before giving our attention to our food and ate in companionable silence.

We made it back to the loft just after nine and I was beat.  Who knew antique shopping could be so exhausting.  I let out a long yawn as we made our way to the kitchen to put our leftovers away.

“Sleepy?” Derek asked.

“Maybe a little,” I told him.

Derek walked over to me and pulled me to him by my belt loops of my jeans.

“Shower with me,” he said.

“That will definitely wake me up,” I told him with a naughty smile.

Derek smiled back and kissed me saying, “Good because I have plans for later.”

I may have squealed like a schoolgirl, but I will never admit it.  I turned grabbing Derek’s hand and leading him to the shower.  This is a party I am definitely not going to be late for.

Derek turned on the shower and felt the temperature to make sure it was just right as I got out of my clothes quickly.  Derek turned and looked me up and down then slowly took off his shirt and pants.  As soon as he stepped out of his jeans I was pushing him into the shower.

“Easy Stiles…..there’s no need to rush,” Derek told me.

“Uh…my growing erection may think otherwise” I replied.  It was like high school all over again.  Just the sight of him made me hard and ready.

“We’ll get there,” Derek reassured me grabbing the shampoo and lathering it in my hair.  He used his nails and strong fingers to massage my scalp.  I closed my eyes and leaned into him.  He washed my hair then grabbed the soap and began cleaning me.  He took his time and left nothing untouched.  He turned me away from him and I propped myself up against the wall as he moved the soap down my back, over my ass, and between my thighs and then down my legs.

He released the shower head and started to rinse me off.  When my back was finished he instructed me to turn around and I did so eagerly.  He started at my shoulders and worked his way down.  When he was finished he put the shower head back to rest in its holder and started a trail of kisses starting at my forehead and working his way down my body.  As he ventured lower I stopped him.

“What about you?” I asked indicating it was my turn to clean him.

“We’ll get there,” he told me, “let me take care of you.”

I nodded once and watched as he descended lower.  He wrapped his hand around my cock and kissed the tip of it.  A groan left my mouth and my head went back resting on the wall my hands immediately finding his hair.

Derek put his mouth on the tip of my erection and moved his tongue from side to side then covered it all the way to the base and slowly moving back up again.

“Your mouth feels amazing,” I said.

Derek hummed in appreciation and sank lower again gripping the base with one hand and holding me firmly in place at my hip with the other.  He started slow moving his tongue around swirling and tasting every inch of me.  My hips started to move in rhythm with his mouth and he started to pick up the pace.  His hand moved in tandem with his mouth gripping and sucking, applying pressure just perfectly before releasing again.  My hips continued to fuck his mouth and his grip on my hip tightened. 

I was close and could tell the pre-come leaked out a little because Derek stopped at the tip and sucked it in tasting me and groaning in satisfaction.  My hips bucked into his mouth and he took every thrust matching it with his own.  My grip in his hair tightened.

“Oh shit Derek….I’m going to come!” I yelled trying to ease back, but Derek gripped me tighter and swallowed every last drop of me.

As I tried to steady my breaths Derek kissed his way back up my body.

“That was…..I don’t even know.  I have no words Derek.  You literally took my words,” I told him.

He chuckled and then leaned into me coming close to whisper in my ear.  “I’ve always wondered how you’d taste.  You do not disappoint Stiles.”

I gaped up at him, “You have such a dirty mouth on you.  I was not expecting that,” I told him.

“I guess you bring it out in me,” he replied kissing my cheek and pulling away.  He was so hard I could see his cock pulsing with its want for release.  I reached out to touch him, but he moved out of the way.

“Ah come on….let me,” I whined.

“I told you…..I want to take care of you.  Patience….I’ll get mine," he told me.

“Well at least let me wash you like you did me….please?” I asked.

“Ok,” he said handing me the soap and letting me lather his body and take care of him as he had me. 

After we toweled each other off and made it back to the bedroom I was pretty spent.  I looked over to the drawer I found Derek in earlier and remembered he had bought some things.

“Hey, what did you have to go out and get earlier?” I asked.

“Oh…uh….” He trailed off and walked over to the drawer and pulling out a bottle of lube.

“OHHH…..good call,” I said.

“I wasn’t expecting it to happen this weekend so I was unprepared.  I didn’t want our first time to be like that.”

“I have zero complaints about last night,” I told him honestly.  It was awesome.

“I don’t either, but I didn’t want our first time to be a quick fuck on the couch,” he said walking toward me.  “I wanted to take my time.  I wanted you to feel how much I love you.”

“I do Derek…..I love you too,” I reassured him.

“Let me take care of you tonight Stiles.  Lie down,” He told me reaching out and unwrapping my towel from my waist.

I walked backwards until my knees hit the bed and fell back inching my way farther until my head was on the pillow.  Derek bent down and took my foot in his hand massaging it.  He worked my feet and calves massaging and kissing them working his way up to my thighs, skipping over my growing cock landing kisses on my stomach and chest. 

My hands found their home tangled in his hair as I watched him lick his way to my nipple and pull it into his mouth.  He sucked and kneaded it until it was erect and slightly bruised moving on to pay the other one the same attention.  My hips started to move in slow circles trying to find any friction I could. 

Derek moved so I couldn’t use his thigh anymore and I whimpered at the loss.  He worked my neck leaving more bruises kissing his way to my mouth.  Derek pushed his tongue in the crease of my mouth asking for access and I granted it.  Our tongues touched gently feeling each other out before they started to dance and bump together.  As the kiss deepened Derek lowered on top of me more and started to slowly push our cocks together.  I tried to pick up the pace, but he wouldn’t let me.

After awhile he broke our kiss and locked eyes with me cupping my face with one hand.

“I am so in love with you Stiles.  Don’t ever forget it.”

“Never… I love you too Derek,” I told him reaching up to kiss him.  Derek kissed me back, but pulled back reaching for the lube.  He put some on his fingers, reached down and pulled my ass to where he wanted it and pushed my legs up bending at the knees.

Derek pushed his finger in with ease stretching me.  He worked it in and out a few times before adding another one, twisting and spreading me wider.  My hips moved with his small thrusts. 

Derek’s fingers pulled out of me and I instantly felt the loss .He pushed my knees to my chest put the tip of his cock at my opening, our eyes locked.  I couldn’t look away from him.  He pushed inside me and we both let out groans.  My first instinct was to close my eyes and focus on how he felt inside me, but I wanted to see his reactions, the way his eyes sometimes turned gold, and how I could almost read every emotion in his eyes.

He moved slowly pulling out then pushing in.  We weren’t in a hurry for our release.  We were having a silent conversation, connecting on a level I’ve never connected before with anyone.  I could see the love he felt for me.  The longing he held for years as I had; the journey of pain, healing, and love.  I tried to convey that in my own eyes.  How much I longed for him…for this.  How much I loved him before and how hard I’ve fallen now. 

The light was reflecting off the unshed tears that have gathered in Derek’s eyes and I could feel my own forming.  Derek leaned forward kissing my knee then reaching forward to kiss my forehead, my nose, then down to my mouth.  He pulled back just enough to whisper “I love you,” lips still touching mine as he picked up the pace.

He pulled back slowly, but pushed back in a bit faster and harder with each thrust.  I met him moving my hips up listening to our flesh slap together.  Derek sat back, gripped my hips and pounded into me.  Our eyes never broke away.  We watched each other’s faces contort as our orgasm got closer and closer.  Derek’s eyes flashed gold and he howled out my name.  I grabbed for his arms and yelled his name in response finding my own release.

Derek slowly set my hips back on the bed and pulled out of me before dropping beside me and pulling me into him.  Our breaths were heavy and short as we tried to steady our breathing. 

I have never felt like this with anyone.  I wanted to say so much.  Tell him how much I loved him until I fell asleep and then wake up declaring my love all over again.

Derek pulled the covers over us, kissed my cheek and told me he loved me before settling in and falling to sleep quickly.

I closed my eyes and relished the feeling of Derek’s strong arms around me.  I felt loved, cherished, and safe.  Things I don’t think I’ve felt since I was a kid.  What I’ve come to realize, and fought so hard for, was that being with Derek was like coming home.


	23. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in Stiles' POV, we get a glimpse of where the pack is 4 years later....

Stiles

_ 4 years later….Christmas Eve _

 

I finished the last security details for a new account I acquired a couple of months ago and slammed my laptop shut.  Done.  No more work until after the New Year.  I stretched my back as I stood up and heard little footsteps coming my way.  I turned to see little Elias with his hands reaching up for me.

“What are you doing you little monster?” I asked him as I picked him up and snorted into his ear.  He squealed and leaned forward for me to do it again.

“Let’s go find your mama,” I told him heading for the kitchen.

There I found Cora stirring the gravy and checking to see if the potatoes were almost done. 

“Lose something,” I asked as I walked into the kitchen.

“Nope, I told him to go find his uncle Stiles and make him be useful,” Cora responded over her shoulder.

“Rude,” I replied then began making faces at Elias so he’d laugh.  Cora looked over and beamed at her son. 

“You’re so good with him.  He loves you.” She told me with glassy eyes.

“Well the feeling is mutual,” I told Elias kissing him on his cheek. 

Cora and Isaac made themselves official when she visited him in New York and he moved back in June the following year.  Six months later they were engaged, another six months married, and then almost six months after that she found out she was pregnant.  Handling a protective big brother who was also a werewolf wasn’t easy, especially through long distance, but Derek realized how happy Cora was and as he got to know Isaac better they have become like brothers. 

“Speaking of husbands and my sexy boyfriend, where are they?” I asked.  I’ve been working on my account most of the day, but Derek always checks in with me.  I don’t even know the last time I saw him. 

“I think they went on a perimeter run,” she said.

I narrowed my eyes on her, but she didn’t crack.  Cora was too damn good.  I nodded my head, but didn’t fully buy her excuse.  Before I could say anything someone was coming through the front door.

“Hello! The party has arrived!” Scott yelled as he entered the house.  Elias squealed at the sound of his voice so we made our way to greet him.

“Hey buddy,” I said to Scott giving him a half hug and passing Elias to him.  “And hey baby,” I said leaning down and rubbing Kira’s small round belly.

“Hello Stiles…I’m up here,” Kira said laughing.

“Oh god, he did the same thing to me,” Cora said as she made her way toward the door.  She gave Kira a big hug then took Elias from Scott hugging him as well.

“Where are Derek and Isaac?” Scott asked.

Cora gave him a look and he shut his mouth and turned to pick up the gift bags he had dropped when he came in.  Just before I could ask what was going on Kira grabbed my hand.

“Oh! She’s kicking Stiles, can you feel her?” she asked placing my hand on her stomach.  Well played.  I felt small bumps against my hand and immediately put my other hand on her belly to feel too.

“Hey princess, Uncle Stiles can’t wait to spoil you,” I told her.  She kicked my hand harder and Kira let out a gasp.

“Oh that was a good one,” she said.

“Sorry,” I said standing up and removing my hands.

“It’s Ok.  She’s just getting stronger every day.”

“Can you tell what she is yet?” I asked.

Kira shook her head, “No, and we probably won’t until she’s older.  Scott can smell wolf and kitsune, but that’s because she’s part of us.”

I nodded in understanding and looked up to see it was just Kira and I still standing by the door.  She gave me a reassuring smile and then walked toward the kitchen to find Scott.

Scott and Kira stayed together since we came back from Spring Break and after graduating transferred to UC-Davis so Scott could complete his veterinary program and Kira got her masters in psychology.  They were engaged last Valentine’s Day and were planning on getting married after they graduated, but Kira ended up getting pregnant so we had a small wedding at the house in September before she started showing. 

It was amazing how much things have changed, but stayed the same.  The pack was solid and while Scott was away at school Derek worked with the neighboring pack to ensure peace and to handle any supernatural uprisings.  We had one issue with rogue hunters a few months after I moved in with Derek and a few Omegas coming through both territories, but nothing crazy.  They were both handled quickly and quietly.

After I went back to school, Derek and I did the long distance thing which was hard, but we powered through.  I ended up getting the internship in San Francisco and hired on permanently so I was able to move back to Beacon Hills and in with Derek.  I have to go into the City once a month and Derek usually always comes with me, but since he opened his own construction company, he doesn’t always have the time.

Things have been good with us.  I mean, really good.  I can’t imagine my life without him in it.  Being close to my dad, seeing Derek happy around a pack again, and knowing that no matter what happens I’ll always have him to go to battle with me is a comfort I never thought I’d have. 

“Hey you,” Derek whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arms around my waist.  “Why are you just standing by the door?” He asked after placing a kiss to my cheek.

“I was just waiting for my dad,” I lied.

“Liar,” Derek called me out.

I turned around in his arms slinging my arms around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss.  I pulled back and smiled.

“Where have you been?” I asked successfully redirecting his attention.

He smiled knowingly, “Just out for a run with Isaac,” he said smoothly. 

“Uh huh,” I replied narrowing my eyes.  Before I could press any further the door opened and my dad walked through with Mrs. McCall behind him.

“Really guys….get a room,” he teased putting the bags he was carrying on the ground and pulling me away from Derek to give me a hug. 

We all exchanged hugs and Derek and I took the bags from Melissa and my dad and put them by the tree.  It has become tradition to spend the night at the Hale house on Christmas Eve and then wake up together for presents.  Most of the time we all spend Christmas Day together too, but sometimes Scott and his mom will go to Kira’s parents.

This year Lydia is with her fiancé’s family in New York and Liam is with his family overseas. I don’t see Lydia as much as I’d like, but we talk and Skype as much as possible.  She’s busy dominating the world and I couldn’t be prouder of her.

“Dinner’s ready!” Cora yelled from the kitchen.

Derek took my hand and guided me to the dining room and to our usual seats at the long oak table he bought years ago.  It never failed to amaze me how happy I felt in these moments.  With everyone I loved close to me, happy, thriving, and together.  There were still some days that I’d wake up and worry it was a dream or cruel joke.  Or I’d spend all day waiting for something to happen and just turn everything on its head, but it never lasted.  This--This is what my life is and I couldn’t be happier.

“Hey,” Derek whispered as he squeezed my hand under the table.  “You OK?” he asked.

“I love you,” I told him.

Derek smiled and leaned in to kiss me.  My hands went to cup his face and press to deepen the kiss.

“Ah come on! Not at the dinner table!” Scott yelled.

“You have no idea Scott.  Thank god I told Derek to soundproof the walls in the bedrooms,” Cora commented.

My dad dropped his fork, “Well I’m not hungry anymore.”

Ignoring him I pointed at Cora, “Says the one who got knocked up.”

“Oh please, if it was possible you’d have a litter by now!” She countered.

I smiled smugly, “Well it’s not my fault my boyfriend finds me irresistible.”

“Can someone pass the rolls?” Isaac asked trying to disrupt the conversation.

Everyone broke out into laughter, even baby Elias who had no clue what was going on.  We all laughed until tears ran down our cheeks.  Not necessarily because it was so funny, but because we felt happy.

After dinner was cleaned up we all piled into the living room to watch Christmas movies.  My dad and Melissa went off to bed after the first movie and Elias was tucked away shortly after.  After the second movie ended Derek pulled me closer to him.

“Take a walk with me?” He asked.

I looked at the clock on the wall that read 11:14pm and turned back to him. 

“OK,” I replied lifting myself up off the couch.  We both walked to the front door and I grabbed a jacket before making our way towards the trees just past the house. 

Derek took my hand and led me where he wanted to go.  We walked in silence for the first few minutes then I finally asked.

“Where are we going?”

“Just for a walk Stiles; I feel like I haven’t seen you all day,” he replied.

“I know…..I just really wanted to get that account done so we could have 10 days with no work to think about.”

“Hey I get it I just missed you,” he said leaning down and kissing my forehead.

“So what have you been up to while I was working?” I asked.

“Did some work of my own, played with Elias, and then did some sweeps with Isaac. Nothing too fantastic.” He said.

“Uh huh….why do I feel like I’m missing something?”

“Always the perceptive one—just one of the many reasons I love you,” he told me kissing my temple.

“Tell me more,” I asked leaning into him and fluttering my eyes.

Derek chuckled, “I love the way you make me laugh, the way you are with Elias, and the way you know exactly what I need.  I love that you can surprise me every day and I love the way your face lights up when someone surprises you.” He told me pulling me in for a long, deep kiss.

When we broke apart I caught light out of the corner of my eye.  I turned to see what it was and gasped in surprise.  There were at least a hundred tiny electric tea candles floating in mason jars surrounding a familiar rock.  Inside of the seemly random placement of mason jars was a heart made from rose petals.  After taking it all in I turned to Derek.

“Wha…..”I tried to speak, but couldn’t. 

Derek took my hands in his and led me over to the rock. “Do you remember the night we came to this rock almost a decade ago?” He asked.

I shook my head.  I couldn’t think of anything let alone a rock from high school.

Derek smiled understanding and continued.  “It was just another night of us going into the woods seeking out the evil that was plaguing Beacon Hills at the time.  We were going in circles and you had to stop and think.  You sat at this rock and worked through every scenario  then would pace and then settle back on the rock.  There wasn’t anything special about that night or what was happening, but as I watched you I realized that my feelings for you weren’t just as friends.  That was the night that I knew I’d never see you the same again. It was terrifying.”

Derek paused and wiped the tear that was escaping my eye.  I do remember that night now.

“I remember.  You were being especially creepy that night.  By then I already knew how I felt about you, so you staring at me was not helping my thinking process,” I told him laughing.

Derek smiled and cupped my face in his hands, “That night, for me, started this long journey we’ve been on and I wanted it to be the place where we hopefully began the next chapter in our lives.”

Derek leaned in for a kiss and then dropped down to one knee producing a little black box from his pocket.

“Stiles, you are everything to me.  I can’t imagine living this life without you by my side.  Please do me the honor of becoming my husband.”

I tackled Derek to the ground kissing him relentlessly.  I don’t think my heart has ever been so full.

“Is that a yes?” Derek asked between breaths.

I stopped and looked at him.  “That’s a hell fucking yes.”

Derek’s smile widened as he sat up taking me with him.  He sat with his legs crossed and me in his lap straddling him.  He took my left hand and pushed a platinum band down my ring finger then placed a kiss over the ring.

“I love you,” I told him as he looked up at me.

“I love you too Stiles,” he replied kissing the tip of my nose. 

We sat tangled up in each other kissing for what seemed like hours.  Slow kisses that didn’t need to be rushed.  We had forever now and we were taking our time.  As Derek trailed kisses down my neck I realized what time it probably was.  I pulled back and cupped his face.

“What?” Derek asked.

“Happy Birthday baby,” I told him kissing him gently.

“Merry Christmas Stiles,” he replied.

I laughed and kissed him.  Some things never change, but I wouldn’t have him any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! for all the comments, kudos, and support. I hope you loved this story of Stiles and Derek. I imagine so many more ways for them to fall in love! <3


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